A Good Old Fashioned Orgy Page #4

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Ooh, hoo-hoo-hoo!

F*** me.

Hey, Ali Cat.

Hi.

Like what you see?

This could be all yours

Labor Day weekend.

Oh, Eric.

Do you mind if

I make an observation?

Oh, boy. Sure, go ahead.

You have intimacy issues.

Really? Yeah.

I figured an orgy is

as intimate as it can get.

No, no, no, but intimacy

isn't about intercourse, Eric.

It's about emotion.

Mm-hm.

You don't need to get laid.

You need to be in a relationship.

Heh, heh. Look, just because

you're in an unhappy relationship,

doesn't mean

the rest of us need to be.

I'm not in an unhappy

relationship.

I'm in an adult relationship.

It's fun, whatever it is.

Hold on one sec?

Hey, Marcus. You want

to hike a few cracks with the bat?

No, thank you.

Football is my game,

European football.

Gotcha.

Did he date Siegfried or Roy?

I can't remember.

Oh!

God, it's embarrassing

watching you play this sport.

Aww, it's cow sh*t.

Look, doc, it's your life.

You can do

whatever you want.

All I'm saying is that maybe

Labor Day weekend

might be the last chopper

out of Saigon for you.

Knock, knock.

Guess who.

Dody! Ha-ha-ha.

These are the Webers.

How you doing?

We brought some extra signs

because someone

is stealing ours.

Oh. That's too bad.

Oh, good. Okay.

Hey, guys. Do me a favor?

When you go in the house, don't

go to the basement or anything.

Not that there's anything or anyone

down there in a cage or otherwise.

Thanks, Eric.

That's so helpful.

What is he talking about?

Oh, gosh. Don't worry. Don't worry.

He's a little off.

It's a head injury.

That's why he wears

the helmet.

Are they all challenged?

Yes. But at least

they have each other.

Oh, that's so great.

Have fun with your game,

sweetie.

Thanks, Mrs. Weber.

We are five minutes

from Indian Wells Beach.

And wait till you see

your bedroom.

What if someone comes in?

These people never knock.

I just locked the door.

Fine, but you really

must be quiet.

None of your usual screeches.

Okay, okay, okay.

Yes?

Yeah.

Oh, Marcus. Oh...

Let's get you out

of these dirty little panties.

Do it. What?

What's going on? Why are you stopping?

What's going on? Hey.

What?

What have you done

to your vagina?

I shaved it.

Why?

I don't know.

Because I thought it would be

something different, sexy.

Women are supposed to have pubic hair.

Why would I find it sexy?

You look like

a prepubescent girl.

I'm not a child molester.

Okay, you know what, it's hair,

Marcus, and it's gonna grow back.

Well, I wished you

would have told me

about your little secret

before I unwrapped this.

This lambskin condoms

cost 2 Euros.

It's wasteful.

I did it for you!

You could have

consulted with me.

I don't make you wear

deodorant because you don't want to!

Alison, you're being

like a child.

F*** you, go away!

You go away.

I think this is chemical.

Darling, what dosage

are you hiking?

You- F*** you!

This is your problem.

I was just expressing my

sexuality in a healthy manner.

God forbid, Marcus,

that we experiment a little bit.

Fine.

I'm going back to the city

and I'm taking the iPod.

Fine. Leave!

And your breath is terrible!

My breath is natural.

Unlike your vagina.

F*** you!

Oh. Jesus.

Sorry.

Ahem. It's all right.

The worst part is

I'm just peeing right now.

I've been kicking

around a few ideas.

Party themes.

Let me know what you think.

First one, Roman, right?

You're talking togas, wine,

bushels of grapes,

the whole deal.

Then I also have '70s, right?

We got the swinger vibe,

polyester, big hair,

upstairs and down, you know?

Um, I don't know.

What about the Kama Sutra?

That's actually not bad.

Yeah?

Ye h, ye h, like the sex secrets

of the E st, right?

Mm-hm.

Oh, that's- Yeah.

You know you have like,

uh, incense, tapestries.

Veils, diaphanous fabrics.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have no idea what the hell

that is, but I like it.

You and me, we're on the

same page with this.

Right? I think so.

Absolutely.

How do you spell 'Kama'?

Yeah.

Dude, babe alert

at 3 o'clock.

Three o'clock.

My 3, my 3.

Wait.

That hurts my dink.

Wait a minute.

That's Kelly.

Who?

My Realtor.

Oh, sh*t, the enemy.

Listen to me. Listen.

We cannot afford to lose the casa

de sex before Labor Day, okay?

You go over there, you get in

tight with her, lay on the charm,

and get her to drag ass

selling the house.

No, no, that is-

Yes, yes.

She is a tough cookie.

She'll see through that.

Her? Please, dude,

you're the king.

A little winey-diney, she'll

be your humble wench servant.

Keep friends close,

but enemies closer.

Yeah. That doesn't make any sense.

Just go f***ing charm her, okay?

Okay.

Go, go, go.

All right.

Do the thing.

What?

The smile thing. Ahem.

Kelly. Kelly. Hi.

Oh, Eric.

Hey.

Hey.

Oh, my God, look at this.

Watch.

I hope anything I said didn't screw

anything up with the client.

I was joking around.

I didn't freak them out?

Oh, no. Not at all.

Oh, good.

You were wearing that helmet

so I was able to convince them

that, you know,

you ride the short bus.

Well, that's good.

Yeah. Thanks.

Well played.

Hey, do you mind if-?

Maybe I can make up to you.

Take you out to dinner

or something?

Could be fun, yeah?

Oh, gosh, thanks.

Um, technically, I'm not supposed

to go out with clients so...

Well, technically

my dad's the client.

Right now I'm just some

random dude on the beach.

She's smiling. Look, she's smiling.

She's buying it.

Okay. I'll go to dinner

with you.

All right.

But, tell me which party

we met at.

Was it one of my parties?

Mm-hm.

Okay. What, um...

Oh, was it the

Cuba Libre party because

I was in mojito haze

that whole day and I just-

Nope.

No.

Oktoberfest in July?

Nope.

Oh, oh, no, no, I know.

I know.

Uh, it was the Star Trek versus Star

Wars Battle for the Universe Party

and you were dressed

as Obi-Wan Kenobi.

How drunk do you get

at these parties?

Uh, pretty drunk.

It's kind of a social obligation.

Okay. I'm gonna

give you a hint.

I wear a size 9 shoe.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God,

you're bean dip girl.

You're bean dip girl?

I am.

Have you been bean dip

girl the whole time?

Oh, he's so good.

I can't believe that.

I was gonna call you.

I had your number

on my hand

and I jumped in the pool

and it was gone.

I thought I lost you.

I thought you were gone forever.

And you-

You look so much better

without the fake baby.

I actually prefer the mullet.

Oh, I just cut it yesterday.

Oh.

For work.

Don't think this whole funny,

charming thing right now

gets you off

for stealing my signs.

I don't know

what you're talking about.

I'm furious

those signs are gone.

You're lying.

I'm not lying.

Your voice just went up.

What?

I.. I'm..

I'm not lying. I am not lying.

You're so lying.

No, I'm not.

F***ing James Bond. F***.

Wow, look at that, huh?

Holy smokes.

Another gorgeous shot.

Yeah, thanks.

What should I use,

pitching wedge or nine?

I used the nine.

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