A Good Old Fashioned Orgy Page #5

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I think maybe

I should use the wedge.

Or use the wedge.

Ugh! Why am I like this?

Oh, just pick a club and hit it.

What is the big deal?

Will you do the orgy with me?

Hey, can we

play through?

Hold on a second, man.

The orgy.

You think that would be

a good idea?

I'm stuck.

And I think the reason

is because

I feel like a f***ing fraud.

I'm not cool.

I have a law degree.

I ride a motorcycle and it scares

the f***ing sh*t out of me.

And I play golf at my mom's

f***ing country club

with a**holes like this.

What's the holdup?

Play the wedge!

This is not rock 'n' roll.

This could be

really good for me.

For me and for us.

Will you do the orgy with me?

Sure, yeah, yeah, whatever.

Yeah.

Really?

Holy sh*t.

Yeah.

If you're sure

this is what you want.

Yeah, absolutely.

Good.

I think.

Fore!

So you wanna know why

guys don't get as excited

about their wedding

as women do?

See, it used to be like a guy would get

rewarded for his commitment with sex.

But you and Glenn have

had sex like a billion times.

For God's sake, you guys

have a kid together.

So for Glenn, it's just kind of

like all commitment, no reward.

You know?

I'm the f***ing reward.

Of course you are.

Of course.

No.

Hello?

Something's wrong.

He's never late.

Try him again.

I have been trying him.

He's not answering

his phone.

At least he won't wear a white

tuxedo like you d*ckheads.

Oh, God,

that's good.

Oh, sweet Lord in heaven.

What the f***,

are you stoned?

No. No, no, no, better.

I'm wearing a thing called

The Yank. From Adam & Eve.

One end straps around your leg,

the other end around your wang.

The brochure says, 'With every stride,

it gives your member a gentle tug.

Ahh.

What are you doing with a rope

on your cock at my wedding?

Endurance training,

Labor Day.

Mm-mm.

For what? A jack-off marathon?

What? Uh, yeah.

That's exactly it.

You nailed it. Heh, heh.

Hey, check it out.

Look who's here.

Oh, fantastic.

Another a**hole in white hails.

Keep the change, man.

Ha-ha-ha. Oh, my God.

Well, well, well.

Look at you.

You're late, you're in costume,

and you appear to be hammered.

Who the hell

are you?

Long story. I got fired.

What?

What?

It had more to do with the fact that I

almost blew a $2 billion merger deal

because some bozo jumped into

the pool with my BlackBerry.

Oh, sh*t. Dude.

I spent most of last night

crying and drinking

and then I drunk-dialed my mom.

She kind of talked me down.

Then I woke up this morning,

had a little more to drink

and I realized, you know what?

This is good. I'm free.

Adam, I'm so sorry.

Shh, shh, shush.

You're my friend.

No, they took my twenties

from me.

And I plan to make my thirties

making up for it.

And you know what else?

I'm doing the orgy. F*** it.

Orgy?

What orgy?

The f*** are you

talking about?

See, this is exactly why we

should have told him, Eric.

Told me what?

That's what we're doing

for Labor Day. An orgy.

Bullshit. Who's having an orgy?

It's me, Willow,

these two fellas,

Laura, Sue, now drunkie.

Waiting on Alison.

Jesus H.

F***ing Christ.

How come you cocksuckers didn't

think of this f***ing orgy idea

five f***ing years ago?

Goddamn it!

Ahem. Uh, Glenn.

I'm afraid we're gonna have

to start without your friend.

Oh, he's here.

He's, uh...

Hi, Rabbi.

No.

Pardon my French.

All right, everybody.

Introducing

for the very first time,

Mr. and Mrs. Glenn Pasillio.

Paciello.

Paciellio.

Here we go.

Whoo, whoo, whoo!

I am married.

Thank you.

I can't believe you guys

broke up because you shaved.

He's the weirdest,

creepiest guy ever.

Here you are, ladies.

You guys are definitely

broken up this time, right?

F*** relationships.

Right now, all I wanna

do is have some fun.

No, I'm not afraid of love

Just because I run away

When you say you need me

I'm not afraid

I'm not afraid H'

Labor Day.

I'm in.

Yes. Yes.

Oh, and I'm fully shaved.

Alison.

Oh, no, no, no.

I'm not making a speech.

Sorry about that.

it's, uh, private conversation.

Are you okay?

You know what they're doing over Labor Day?

Do you know what the party is?

What?

They're having a f***ing orgy.

Heh-heh-heh.

What are you talking about?

They are having an orgy.

Like a sex orgy?

Like a sex orgy

and we're not invited.

Hey. Hi.

So is it true?

That all of you

are having this orgy

and you didn't think

to invite us?

What are you all

looking at me for? I-

Guys, you just got married,

okay?

L- You have a kid.

You don't-

Don't you think

it's a little inappropriate?

Well, of course

we wouldn't come.

It's that you didn't ask us.

You didn't even think of us.

In fact, you specifically

hid this from us.

We invited all you

to be here today,

just the most special

day of our lives,

and you, who are supposed

to be our closest friends...

There were family members who didn't

get invited so you could come.

Family members.

Right.

Now, we're just totally out of your

pervy little social club. Huh?

I don't believe this.

Sorry.

Are you happy?

Because you and your stupid orgy

just ruined our goddamn wedding.

Oh, come on, Glenn.

Kate!

Is it too late to invite them?

I'll go talk to her.

No!

Are you kidding me?

Guys, it's Katie.

She's gonna be fine

in like an hour.

I just realized

I'm really hammered

and I would really

like to dance.

I'm dancing too.

This reminds me

of our senior prom.

You still won't give me

a hand job, right?

it's the boom boom

it's the boom boom

Oh, baby

McCRUDDEN:

Oh, God.

It's amazing that you're still

so tight with your high school friends.

None of mine moved

back after college.

Yeah, it's a, uh... I don't know,

it's maybe corny to say,

but these guys and gals

are kind of like

the closest thing I've got

to a family these days.

That's why the house, the summer

house, it's like our rec center.

I think we're getting an offer

on the rec center.

My dad will be thrilled.

I knew it.

What?

I knew it wasn't a family

decision to sell the house.

No. We're not big into

family decisions anymore.

My mom,

she lives in Portland, Oregon,

with this, uh,

Reiki healer a**hole.

Tell me exactly how you feel.

Oh, he's good. He's good.

Uh, no, she's kind of

out of the picture.

Her doing. Um, yeah,

it's just me and my dad.

Hm, well, your dad

seems like a fun guy.

Oh!

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, he's very fun.

He's a hoot.

Kind of like being raised

by an older fraternity brother.

He hit on me a little bit.

No.

He ask you to play golf?

Yes.

That's his move.

He's very good at golf. Very good.

But he did it right in front

of Cherie and she had no idea.

Neither did my mom

for a while.

Now if you will excuse me,

Oh.

I have to win this game

if you don't mind.

Does this make you...?

It's a little distracting.

That's not distracting at all. Oh!

Jesus.

I lied.

It was a little distracting.

We to hero to observe.

Th t is II.

You got rubbers on you?

McCRUDDEN:
Yeah. What do you think

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