A Good Old Fashioned Orgy Page #6

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this is, an underground sex club?

Do you have any

idea where you're going?

McCRUDDEN:
He said come in

through the warehouse entrance.

You got rubbers on you?

No.

What?

We to hero to observe.

Th t is II.

It's a sex club.

Semper H. Always prepared.

You know what I mean?

Doesn't that mean 'always faithful'?

Hey, who took Latin

in seventh grade?

Moi, okay? I brought a pack

with me if you need one.

Give me the signal.

I won't need one.

What do you want?

The password is chandelier.

Who's your connection?

Vic George, friend of my uncle's.

Yeah. He told me to expect you.

Come on in.

So welcome to the Paradiso.

What the f***(?

Can I hike your clothes?

No.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

Okay, follow me.

Yeah.

This is Bill.

Hey, Bill.

That was a panda.

Go easy on that thing.

Didi, Ginger.

Clambake.

Good look at that. That's pretty cool.

Yeah.

This group right here.

They're crazy, crazy, crazy.

Heh, heh.

Okay.

If you guys get a shot, get in the swing.

You will love it.

My grandma has that thing.

Another time,

probably.

You need anything,

just ask for Fred.

Oh, Fred's Beds?

That's a different Fred.

I'm a dentist.

Vic, he is over there in the

futon section. All right?

Okay.

Have a good time.

Thanks, Dr. Fred.

You guys be good.

Whoa. Should've had

this guy at the wedding.

Love the new Price is Right.

Work it out

Tum it straight

Youre the man

For the job

What are you doing?

Oh, my God.

Oh, f***.

McCRUDDEN:

Vic?

Hey, Mikey.

Hey.

Little McCrudden.

Holy sh*t, you've grown.

Yeah.

How you doing, baby?

Good, good.

How's your folks?

Good, they're on a cruise.

Mom got her pound cake

recipe published.

This is my buddy Eric.

Eric, Vic.

Your mom's a good woman.

Oh, how you doing, man?

Yeah. Good to meet you.

This is Ellen.

Ellen.

Hi, guys.

Hi.

Eric and Mikey.

It's Mike. I go by Mike now.

First time at

the Paradiso, eh, guys?

Mm-hm.

Ooh, ooh.

Got a couple of cherries

to pop.

Come on, guys, hike off

the clothes and get f***ing.

No. No f***ing. No. Actually, no, no.

We're here more doing research

than anything else.

We're gonna throw an orgy.

We were hoping we can

get a little advice.

I see. Let's powwow

over at the snack nook.

Snack nook is good.

Snack nook.

Just let me finish up here.

No rush.

Rush if you want.

Rush a little.

Oh.

Come on, cowboy.

Time to shine.

Yeah. Almost.

Let's keep going, just a second.

I'll be right there,

just a second.

There we go.

Look at me, not her.

Look at me, not her. Look at me.

I'm not gonna look at him.

Oh.

Oh. Ah.

Did your brother finish college?

I know he switched a couple schools.

Yeah. Oof. Oh.

Yeah.

Oh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Do me a favor,

count me down.

Five, four, three-

Go back to 10!

Ten, nine, eight-

Oh! Your mom's

a good woman.

A little early on that one.

He just said your mom's

a good woman when he ejaculated,

just so you know.

Holy sh*t,

I got a second one.

Holy sh*t.

So you kids are gonna

have an orgy? Hm?

So, Vic, as someone that's

clearly done this type of thing

thousands of times, I'm guessing,

we could really use your expertise.

How do we make sure

that the women are into it?

The women?

Yeah.

Don't worry about the women,

worry about you guys.

Us? What?

Women are in touch

with their sexuality.

Guys are much more likely to freak out

at the sight of someone else's junk.

Taquito?

Uh... No, thanks.

I ate just before I came.

You see? This is what I'm talking about.

You're scared shitless.

You won't even touch

the taquito.

It's like it's a cock and you're

afraid to put it in your mouth.

I swear to God, I had a bacon

cheeseburger like 45 minutes ago.

Hi.

McCRUDDEN:
Hi.

Okay, so how

do we make it happen?

You can't make an orgy happen.

It has to evolve organically.

Just because you have a bunch

of naked people in the room

doesn't mean

you're all going to get it on.

You might just need a really

intense conversation.

Sometimes a girl just

wants to have a heart-to-heart,

and she ends up

pulling a train.

Uh, pulling a train?

Mm.

Yeah, you know.

A train.

Gawk, gawk, gawk.

Chicka-chicka-chicka. Whoo-whoo!

Ha-ha-ha.

That's a choo-choo train. Thank you.

Hey. Ellen, hello.

Vic.

Two-minute warning.

I'm ready whenever you are.

She always is.

Ah.

Wow. Yes.

One more thing.

Every wolf pack has a leader.

I take it you're the lead wolf?

F***ing A.

Uh, yeah. I guess so. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, then it's

all on your shoulders.

If you don't run,

nobody behind you can run.

Oh, that's good.

What does that mean? What do I do?

You have to get naked.

Okay.

Uh- I get that.

Mm-hm.

Not just your body.

You've gotta get naked in your mind,

in your heart, in your soul.

You've gotta be honest

with yourself and everybody

about what you want. If you're

a pegger, be honest about that.

Okay.

If you're polyamorous,

put it out there.

You want to put on

a diaper, embrace it.

But trust me, if you put up walls,

everybody's gonna put up walls.

The whole thing is

dead in the water.

What is a pegger?

Chick fucks a dude up the ass

with a strap-on.

Yeah, not really my bag,

but like I always say,

I'm willing to try

anything twice.

I always say it.

Ha-ha-ha!

Hey, guys. Hey!

Hello, senator. Hello.

This is a lot to process.

You listen to me.

You can't force it

and you can't fake it.

So you better cut the bullshit,

nut up, and be a man.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I feel the blood

rushing back to my sword.

I noticed that.

Well, hey, Vic, thank you.

This is all good stuff.

Good advice.

Yeah. Good. Thank you.

My pleasure, guys.

Okay, watch that thing.

This is unnecessary.

Watch that thing.

Good luck.

Oh, one more thing.

Buy some scented candles.

It helps hide the smell of ass.

Okay. Good, good, good.

Smart.

Smart, smart, smart.

Don't eat anything here.

You son of a b*tch.

Don't.

Uh-oh.

Holy sh*t, is that-?

Oh, boy.

Keep going.

Don't let her see you.

Oh!

Hey, what the f***(?

Oh. Man, oh, man. All right.

That was good?

That was good.

Yeah.

Yeah, okay, here we go.

You ready?

Showtime.

Sh- Sh*t.

I'm gonna count that.

Okay.

I'm gonna count that there.

Okay.

Yeah, it's juvenile.

I've been meaning to ask you something.

What?

What's Dody like as a boss?

She just seems like she could be

a little, you know, domineering.

Oh, my gosh, no. I mean, she's

not what you think, you know.

I mean, of course,

at work she's all business,

but, Eric, she has

traveled the world.

No sh*t.

She speaks all these languages.

Wow.

She's just full of surprises.

Oh, I bet she is.

I bet she's been places

I can only imagine.

So, like, now that

you're super into me...

No, there's something

I actually have to tell you.

Sincerely I, um...

Really?

Yeah, I kind of misled you.

Uh...

What you saw today was not an actual

representation of my Frisbee golf skills.

Yeah. I let you win.

Really?

Yeah...

So I want a rematch.

Like, bigtime.

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