A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints

Uh.

Dito.

Uh.

Oh, my goodness.

I can't believe

to hear your voice

on this machine.

It's your mother.

Dito, I called

your friend Nerf to call you.

He's a good kid.

Uh--

I don't know

what else to do.

Your father's sick.

He's real sick,

and he won't go

to the hospital.

You know how he is,

and I'm sorry.

I don't know

what else to do.

Your friend Nerf, uh,

he's a good kid, you know.

He said he'd pick you up

at the airport if you came.

I know that it's far.

I'm sorry.

I, uh--

I'm gonna hang up

now, Dito.

Okay.

I love you.

No matter what you do,

I love you.

Tonight we have the author

of a wonderful,

wonderful book.

A Guide to Recognizing

Your Saints.

Dito Montiel.

Thanks.

By the end

of all this, Giuseppe,

his brother Antonio

used to call him "Little Sister"

'cause he slept with Noxzema

on his face every night.

It never even made sense,

being everything else

about him was a mess.

Well, he loved

the face cream, you know?

Anyway, Giuseppe,

he's gonna be dead.

Yeah, I know.

It sucks.

There'll be another guy

you'll meet too,

same with him.

And then another little boy.

He's gonna die, too.

What a mess, huh?

And I don't even know why

I feel I gotta tell you this

up front but I do.

And don't worry, like,

I'm not giving away

any big ending, you know,

with this.

A whole lot of other sh*t's

gotta happen first.

But I just, uh,

I wanna remember

who these people are

and what they meant to me.

What they mean to me.

And they are real.

My name's Dito.

I'm gonna leave everybody

in this film.

I see Laurie's and Diane's

walkin' down 31st Street.

Hot pink leg warmers.

Red, white and blue

roach clip feathered earrings.

"The Song Remains the Same"

painted on the back

of their jackets.

And they wanna know,

"Yo, Dito, you Rock or Disco?"

What the f***?

You f***in' idiot!

I see innocent Giuseppe's

walking down the streets

where Puerto Ricans

still listen to Journey.

Dito, what's up, man?

Really, It's true.

Puerto Ricans

listen to Journey.

Yo, Steve Perry's

the sh*t, bro!

Antonio!

When this place

isn't covered in violence,

That's where the f***in' sh*t

from the toilet goes.

And even sometimes

when it is,

You're drinking it

like an idiot.

You taking a bath

and sh*t, man.

this place is heaven.

Get the f*** off him!

Whoa, whoa.

Stop, stop, stop!

What's wrong with you?

What the f***?

What the f*** is that?

Motherf***er sounds

like he's prayin' and sh*t.

Yes.

Praying and sh*t, huh?

Oh, ladies.

Uh, which one of you

wanna suck,

suck me off first?

You?

You?

You ain't got sh*t!

What about that?

It's cute.

I like it.

You got it.

Hey, clean this sh*t up, too.

Hey yo, check it out.

I wrote "Bruce Lee" up there.

Nerf, you climbed

all the way up there?

What are you,

a f***in' stupid, man?

What the f***

is the matter with you?

Yo, that's f***ed up.

Somebody wrote some sh*t

on your house, man.

Reaper, he's from Queensbridge.

They wrote Satan and sh*t

all over the church, too.

Hey, Dito.

It's so hot outside.

You got out, yet?

Tell him it's hot

because it's summer, you know.

Antonio, come in.

Look at you guys.

You're filthy.

You want juice?

Yeah, give me a juice.

Hey, look who's here.

Antonio, what's going on?

Are you fixin'--

What are you doing?

Could you keep it down

down there?

Hello!

Could you please--

Do you want me

to say somethin' to 'em?

No, it's okay.

No. It's alright.

Come on in.

Giuseppe, sit down.

Good to see you.

Antonio, where you been lately?

What do you mean?

I've been around.

I haven't seen you

at the handball courts.

You guys getting tired

of getting beat, huh?

Dito didn't tell you

we been at the Boys club,

boxing?

They got the Golden Gloves

coming up.

The only thing

you'll ever box

is oranges.

Dad, this is serious.

They got bags and everything.

It's cheap.

$10.

$10. Where you guys

gonna get $10 from?

It's just $10.

You guys wanna be

Golden Gloves?

You learn from the best.

Up from the waist,

down from the chin.

That's Golden Gloves.

Okay.

Stop it already.

Seriously.

You're serious?

Come here.

Shake my hand.

I'm glad to meet you.

Serious.

That's a funny joke

if I was five years old.

Stop it.

The joke is five years old.

Antonio, how old

is this guy?

He's serious.

I don't know

how old he is.

What happened to your nose?

It's bleeding.

It's my father.

He's stupid.

Whatever.

Don't say that

about your father.

Hand him a dish rag.

Wipe his nose there.

What's the matter with him?

Are you alright?

Are you getting a job?

What are you doing

with your life?

Yeah, for sure.

I'm doing--

Yeah, you're not doing anything.

You wanna be boxers.

Forget about

these Golden Gloves.

You wanna learn?

You come to me,

'cause I'm the king.

And the king

sits right here.

Monty's throne, right?

Monty's throne.

I'm the king.

I'm gonna get up.

I'm gonna show you--

Are gonna get up?

What?

I'm gonna show him.

I'm going to show you

the left hook.

I'm gonna show you

that left hook.

Bye, Mom.

Antonio, come on.

Antonio!

Alright, man.

Come on.

Antonio, come on!

Where you going?

What's the matter with him?

What's the matter?

Where you going?

He wants to go.

Giuseppe, come on, man.

Say good bye.

Thank you very much.

I appreciate it very much.

It was a pleasure

talking to you.

Thank you very much.

That kid doesn't say

two words.

It scares me that kid.

Antonio?

Tonight I want you

to come back.

I want you to have dinner

with Dito and the family,

alright?

You take care

of that nose kid.

Absolutely.

Yeah.

They're alright.

They're alright.

Good dancing.

Look who we got here.

Oh, sh*t!

Friggin' pistachio dick.

Look at these girls.

It curves like a banana, right?

No, like a pistachio.

Do you want some?

You.

It's as hot

as a f***in' oven in here.

Get the f*** off me!

It's like 250 degrees.

Get off me.

I feel like a piece

of roast beef.

But look at me.

I'm f***in' sticky.

Look at me.

So?

F***in' landlord's

got the f***in' radiators on

in the summer.

You better not f***in'

cum in me.

No!

Don't f***.

You better not f***in'

cum in me.

F***!

What the f***?

F***in' radiator burned me

and sh*t!

F*** me.

Come here.

You want me to come over there

and give you a hug

or some sh*t?

I don't want you

to f***in' hug me.

Look what we got here.

You guys are two

naughty f***ers.

Who the f*** is this guy?

My little retarded sister.

You're the b*tch

who works at the pool

with Diane.

I just got done

f***in' her.

Get the f***

out of here.

I'm virile and I'm virile

and I'm virile,

and I'm ready to do that sh*t.

I just stole this dildo

from Mrs. Duran's,

and I was wondering

you go into that sh*t, baby?

Two on one action?

All I'm saying,

if I was an ugly b*tch

and two hot studs like this

wanted to f*** me,

I'd be into it.

I'm taking a sh*t

and I'm out.

What are you thinking about?

I don't know.

You're really beautiful,

you know.

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