A Guy Thing

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All right, guys. Quiet down.

Kill it.

All right,|I'd like to propose a toast.

To the three rings of marriage.

There's the engagement ring.

There's the wedding ring.

And there's suffering!

To Paul!

Thank you.

Drink! Drink! Drink!

Come on, man.|Loosen up a little.

I'm the uptight lawyer...

but you were always|the crazy one in the family.

- I know.|- Relax and have fun.

My bachelor party...

was the last good time|in my marriage.

Maybe your marriage|didn't work...

because you had too much fun|at the bachelor party.

It didn't work because Deena|was impossible to please.

Your marriage will be fine.|You've got Karen.

And she's beautiful.|Smart. Funny.

She's kind to animals.

She's very, very sexy.

She's got|a great sense of style.

- Pete.|- Yeah?

I'm just a big fan.

I can't believe my little|brother's getting married.

I got to run. I love you.

OK. Hey!

You are a lucky, lucky man.

Paul, up high!

Good luck in there.|Congratulations.

Thanks.

Listen, Jim, about the girls...

I'm not sure.

- I totally understand, dude.|- You do?

- Absolutely.|- Good.

And I want you|to know something, man.

I don't give a sh*t.

- You be the groom.|- That's not how it works.

Hang on a second.|I'm giving you a chance...

to be the groom|at a bachelor party...

and you don't have|to get married next Saturday.

Think about that.

Listen up, everybody.

As of this moment,|I am the groom.

We got tiki girls!

Where's the groom?

Sorry.

You really suck at this.

Yeah. It's my first day.

Would you buy me a beer?

Yeah.

Jimmy.

- Hello?|- Hi, Paul.

Hi, Mrs. Cooper.

I'm going to be|your mother-in-law.

Call me Sandra.

- Hi, Sandra.|- How was the bachelor party?

You know, silly.

It's really|such an outdated ritual.

You are|every mother-in-law's dream.

Can you put Karen on for me?

Sure. Hold on.

Oh, my God.

What is it?|Is something the matter?

I guess Karen|hasn't arrived yet.

What do you mean?

She's on her way over.|She should be there by now.

Nope. Not here yet.

Sandra, I have to get going.

Could you please have her...

Holy sh*t.

Miss? Ma'am?

- Hey.|- You have to leave now.

Good morning to you, too.

I'm not a rude guy,|but you have to go now!

OK, I'm going.

My fiancee|is on her way over here.

You're getting married?

Only if you leave|really, really soon.

You weren't the guy|with the groom hat on.

I'd love to explain,|but you have to leave.

I'm going|to get my ass kicked.

That is very clear.

What happened?

OK, let's go.

Bad news.|I can't find my underwear.

Can I mail them to you?

Yes, please.|They're my only pair.

Give me your address.

I have more than|one pair of underwear.

I'll find them|before she gets here.

Calm down.|If you're freaking out...

when your fiancee gets here,|you'll freak her out.

You're freaking me out,|and I don't even know you.

Just be cool.

I'm a very cool guy.

Cooler than most of the guys|you probably meet.

No offense. This is just|a bad situation for me.

Trust me. I'm not this guy.

After you.

If you see a pair of|bikini underwear lying around...

see this guy.

Could you not say that, please?

Can you do me a favor|and take the back stairs?

In case I had any speck|of self-esteem left?

I bet that goes over well|with the ladies.

There are no ladies,|all right?

- Right.|- It's actually...

Thank you, Mrs. Jackson.

Aloha.

Wedding planner.

We were thinking of going|with the whole luau thing.

Good day.

Sh*t!

Not there. God!

Sh*t.

Could you undo the chain?

One second!

Paul! What's going on?

Please undo the chain.|I am standing out here.

Paul, are you OK?

Karen, sweetheart,|what a surprise.

Why'd you chain the door shut?

You can't be too safe.

How was the bachelor party?|Hung over?

Not at all.

I know what happens|at these things...

and you should not|feel guilty...

and you don't|have to tell me anything.

Unless there's something|you want to tell me.

Don't leave!|Let me explain!

Shut up!

Maybe I had a drink or two.

Yeah. I'm sure|you kept it to two.

OK, look.

I got all your outfits|for the parties this week.

This...

Wow. That's a nice sweater.

And you like?

I like.

I thought it would be perfect|for the rehearsal dinner.

- Perfect.|- I knew you'd like it.

How is the string quartet|coming along?

I'm on it.

It is the one thing...

I have asked you to do|for this wedding.

Yeah. It's basically|almost completely...

taken care of.

How was the bachelorette party?

Oh, my God. A total blast.

We went to Giggles,|and sat in front...

and heckled the comedians.

Jody got so wasted!

Hello? Earth to Paul.

Over here,|you big party animal.

How about a kiss|for that hangover?

All right.

What are you...

What are you... OK.|I have a million things to do.

My Great Aunt Budge|is coming in tomorrow.

My mom is|completely freaked out.

Your mom called... this morning.

She did?

Did she tell you|I was coming over?

Then why were you|so surprised to see me?

I might be more hung over|than I thought.

You're a weirdo.

Oh, my God.|I have a million things to do.

Oh, God.

What the hell happened last|night? Where were you?

Sorry, chief.|I got waylaid.

If you know what I'm saying...|way laid.

- What?|- That tiki girl Tonya.

I kept trying|to turn off the charm...

but I guess|I couldn't find the switch.

You're not listening to me.

I woke up this morning|with a strange woman in my bed.

How could this happen?|Was I that drunk?

That's awesome!|What are you complaining about?

- What?|- Nice shoes.

Karen got them.|She wants me to break them in.

They're special.

Move.

I got to tell Karen.

Paul, listen to me.

Do not under|any circumstances tell Karen.

What happened last night|is perfectly natural.

We're men. We're hunters.

It's encrypted in our DNA code.

You got to accept that.|Get over it.

I don't know what|I'm going to do.

Hi, Jim.|It's Tonya from last night.

I was going to be|in the neighborhood later...

and thought I might stop by,|so give me a call.

Sh*t.

That poor girl's been Jim-ified.

This is all your fault, man.

Probably...

but Karen's|never going to find out.

And that tiki girl?

Come on.

You'll never see her again.

A survey was made one time|that covered a lot of men...

working men... and these men|were asked this question...

Why do you work?

Why do you get up|in the morning?

Why? Everyone goes to work|in the morning.

And that's the reason|they do it...

because everyone else|is doing it.

And there you have|the trouble today.

It's conformity...

people acting like everyone else|without knowing why...

or where they're going.

We'll have more with Dr. Earl...

after this short break|on KCNP...

the best talk in Seattle.

- Hi!|- Holy sh*t!

- You work here?|- First day.

What happened to the dancing?

I sucked.

Hey! Let's go, a**hole!

Just a sec. Sorry.

Listen, what's your name?

Bec... Hey!

Don't make me|get out of my box, fella!

Fifty cents.

I want you to know,|about what happened...

Have a good day.|Remember to drive safely.

Sorry!

- It's hitting the...|- I know!

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