A Guy Thing Page #2

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Look what you...|You dented the hood of my car!

- Hang on!|- Good to see you.

Stop!

That's her.

I'm a little disturbed|about something, Paul.

What's that, sir?

You had a bachelor party?

I... lt's totally...|It's... I...

I may be|your bride-to-be's father...

but I'm still a man. Huh?

You sick son of a b*tch!

- I'll kill you!|- You're choking me!

No, it was pretty uneventful.

We watched|hours of action movies...

and talked about high school.

It was a hoot.

Good answer. That's my boy.

You like that, huh?

I know what you're thinking.

It's the good life...|like you see on TV.

"That could never happen to me."

You've made it, son.

You're one of us. Enjoy.

Welcome to the club.

Thank you.

Boys, let's get started.

I've been in this business|a long time...

and if we get "Modern Rifleman"|up to 750,000...

I'll strip down to my shorts|and jump in the ocean.

My question is...

once you've stripped down|to your shorts...

will you actually|loosen your tie?

Have I fired you today, Curt?

Enough frivolity.|Let's get down to business.

- Paul?|- Yeah?

Tell us how|the ad campaign looks...

for "North American|River and Stream."

Pretty good, sir.|I'm projecting...

Why don't you get up there|and talk to us?

Make a presentation.|Take over the room.

Hooking us is half the battle.|Still got to reel us in.

OK...

It's a good news,|bad news situation.

The good news is...

we've had steady growth|over the last six months.

- Nice.|- Good.

Just give me a second here.

Do you mind if I take|a quick restroom break?

No. Go ahead.

Great. Be right back.

Looks like you're getting|a weak bladder in the family.

Oh, my God, it burns!

What is it?

What...?

Jesus Christ!

Ted. Hey.

God damn it.

Thank you.

Hello.

What can I do for you?

I need to get|some crab medicine.

What?

Crab medicine.

- I don't...|- You know...

Crab medicine.

Let me see.|Crab medicine.

- Gladys!|- What?

Is crab medicine|Aisle 3 or Aisle 4?

Crab medicine?

Crab medicine!

Crab medicine!

- Yeah!|- Aisle 3!

I'll get it. Thanks.|Excuse me.

Here you go. Good luck.

Are there special directions|for this stuff?

I don't know.|Let me ask Phil.

Phil, this crab stuff...

Is there any special|application technique, sir?

He wants to see it.

Paul!

My future son-in-law.|I thought that was you.

What a nice surprise.

Sandra, hi.

Small world.|What brings you here?

Actually,|I forgot something in...

I am so relieved|that your mother decided...

not to cook|the rehearsal dinner.

I'm not saying|anything about her cooking.

It's a really big job.

That reminds me. I've got|to help her find a caterer.

There's my guy.

You almost left|without your stuff.

Now, about those crabs...

They were delicious.

Jeff is an incredible chef.

He gave me a recipe for...

Crab Louie that was|out of this world.

- Really?|- Yeah. What?

You're a chef?

Yes, I am.

I'm putting myself|through cooking school...

working the pharmacy thing.

Isn't that wonderful?

Is there a chance|you might be able...

to cook dinner|for 20 people on Friday?

It's a rehearsal dinner|for Paul and my daughter.

Wow, I'm honored...

- I can only pay $500.|- Done.

- Wonderful.|- Incredible.

That was easy. Thank you.

Bucky, come on.

These are going|to be our in-laws...

so we really have|to make sure that...

Honey, I'm a pants salesman.

I know how|to act around people.

I can sell pants.

Give your gift, baby.

I like me inside.

- Yes.|- Yeah.

Buck, Dorothy, welcome.

- I'm so sorry we're late.|- You're fine.

- Hi, Buck.|- How are you?

Nice area|you got up here, Kenny.

Yeah, we like it.

Yeah. New Benz, I see.

Must have gotten|ripped off on that thing.

I don't think so.|I looked around.

Just joshing, Ken.|Fine vehicle.

Hi, Dorothy. Hi, Buck.

There she is.

- Hi.|- What a beauty.

What is that waist...|20 inches?

Excuse me?

Where's the groom-to-be?

He's not here yet.

You know Paul.|He always comes a little late.

What do you think of that?

Why don't I get us all a drink?

We've already had a six-pack.

We split that on the way up.

Hors d'oeuvres, sir?

Look at the size|of these shrimps.

Prawns.

- There you go, sugar.|- Oh, sweetheart.

Ma'am?

- Hello.|- Paul's finally here.

Sorry I'm late.

I was telling|your mother about...

the chef I hired to cater|the rehearsal dinner.

A pharmacist|studying to be a chef...

that is really interesting.

There's a very special lady|in the kitchen...

who can't wait|to lay her eyes on you.

Let's go find Aunt Budge.

I can't wait for you|to meet her.

They are so cute.

Yeah, they're cute.

Buck, are you a duffer?

If you mean, do I like|playing with my balls...

the answer's yes.

You know what I mean,|don't you?

Oh, sh*t.

There's Budge,|talking to my cousin Becky.

Oh, my God.

Aunt Budge, this is Paul.

- He's bald.|- Paul?

Oh, God!

I'm so sorry, Becky.|It is so good to see you.

You look beautiful.

How's life after Ray?

Great.|Best decision I ever made.

You know,|you are probably right.

But it is nice to have someone|to come home to.

Oh, God. Sorry.

No. It's especially|nice to come home...

to that someone|in bed with two girls.

Two girls with one man...|Oh, trust me!

You never walk away satisfied.

Reminds me of the time|me and Kathleen O'Rourke...

who was a bit of a tart...

I'll see where Paul is.

We were down|at the pub celebrating...

- Give me some, will you?|- Oh, no.

- Just a little bit.|- It's my wine.

Paul? Where'd you go?

What are you doing?

Karen? Hey...

You're asleep?

I guess so.|I lost you somehow.

I got disoriented.

This is really weird.|Why did you just...

OK. The truth is...

I was gonna pop out|and surprise you.

The old|"under the coats" routine.

But while I was laying here...

it was so warm, I dozed off.

Never mind.|Let's go meet Aunt Budge.

Becky, I found him.|He's up here.

I'll just get my purse.

He exists. I swear.

I know you're in there.

Yeah?

What is wrong?

It's diarrhea.

Oh, no.

Maybe I should just wait here.

Stick it out...|Or maybe I should just leave.

No! You can't leave.|You haven't met Aunt Budge.

Why don't you wait|and see how you feel in a bit?

OK.

Everyone, find your names|and sit down.

I guess we'll sit here.

A lot of fabric's overrated.

I'll drink to that, Bucky.|Where's the drinks?

Sweetie, grab it.

Oh, no. Hey, everyone!

I'd like to make a toast.

Here's to Karen,|the bride-to-be.

Oh, gosh. Thanks, Becky.

That's my car!

Come on, Buck.

Everybody stay back.

Nobody touch anything.|Don't disturb the crime scene.

This isn't a crime scene.

There's your culprit, Daddy.

It might be a raccoon.|I'll get my salt gun.

I'll check on Paul.|I hope he's feeling better.

Pretty exciting, huh?

Paul?

Yeah.

Paul, honey, it's Mom!

Did you eat something spicy?|You know how you get.

I got you in my sights.

How'd you like a little|rock salt up your ass?

Holy sh*t!

Are you all right?

I'm fine!

Honey, just let it come out.

Don't push so hard.

It's almost there.

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