A Hundred Streets Page #2

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life of a wag.

How is, uh,

Mr. neanderthal?

Being a royal pain.

Yes, that's why

you're here, I suppose?

You miss me.

You've finally

succumbed to my...

My, uh, mature charm.

Mmm, something like that.

It's not easy with

a family, I'm sure,

but we make our choices.

Yeah, but it'll be good

for me to be working again.

For everyone, you know?

Keep me off the happy

pills.

We're all the

same, you know.

Without our passion,

it's very hard for

us to find our place

in the world.

That aimed at

him or me?

Now, I'm delighted

i can help.

I always hoped

you'd be back.

Consider it done.

Don't worry about it.

It'll be all right.

Fingers crossed, eh?

Otherwise it'll be more

than a f***ing broomstick

she shoves up me.

I'm really sorry, madam,

but the system's saying,

"card declined."

Leo, give me my

phone. Give me...

Sorry. Thanks.

For f***'s sake, Max,

i couldn't even get a present

for the kid's

birthday party.

You said you'd

set up the account.

You said you'd

transferred my allowance!

Stop trying to control me!

Hold my hand, Leo.

Hi. Come in.

How are you?

Not too bad. Yourself?

Very well.

Good, good.

I know you've both

done good work

in the preparation

group classes

and it's been a

long six months,

but we're nearly

there now.

I don't know why

you don't just

make us wait

the full nine like the

real thing.

Our assessment's

all but done,

and Dr. ravi buttar's

reference was first-class.

He really respects

you, George.

Oh!

I should play his son

up-front every week.

One minor issue has reared

its ugly head, though,

I'm afraid, guys.

A couple of arrests

in your teens, George.

Football hooliganism?

You assured us

of full disclosure.

That was years ago.

I mean, I was only a kid.

Youthful exuberance,

i think they called it.

Common assault and

disturbing the peace

can be seen by some as more

than a misspent youth, George.

No, I mean, literally,

it was 30 years ago.

West ham ain't won

a trophy since.

I think what my better

half is trying to say

is that having played up

a bit in his teens,

he will be

experienced enough

to make sure that

our kid knows

the pitfalls of hanging

out with wrong 'uns.

Yeah, and I've met

plenty of wrong 'uns.

To be honest,

we're both so nervous

today, and, um...

All we want is what

everyone else has

and to give all the

love we have to a baby

who deserves and needs it.

We just want to be

given a chance.

That's all.

Kathy.

Kath!

Hi, Jake.

Yeah, yeah.

Actually, um, I thought about

what you said the other day

and, um, guess

who I had lunch

with today?

Um, my actor friend,

Terence Harris.

No, no, not like that.

- But he did say that...

- Daddy's here!

- My kids are here!

- Daddy! Daddy!

Can I call you back?

Um, I'll tell you later.

In about an

hour? Yeah.

Da-da-da-da

da-da-da-da-da!

Mommy, look what

daddy bought us!

Wow, that's great!

Why don't you

open them outside?

Because mommy needs to

talk to daddy in private.

Well, that makes a change.

Go on, I'll be in there

in a second, all right?

Okay, okay.

You might be able to

manipulate your groupies

and your so-called mates,

and even your own kids,

but not me, Max,

not since you shat

on your own doorstep.

What is going on,

that's why I gave you

your own space...

Look, I haven't finished!

How dare you

humiliate me like that

in front of my own kids?

Like what? What are

you talking about?

Like what? Is this

about the money?

Of course it's

about the money.

All right, okay,

fine, you know,

I lost my credit

card, okay?

And they put

a block on it.

And I realized that you

might come up short,

so I went to the bank

and got you some cash.

Here you go.

That's why

i came round today,

to make sure you and

the kids were okay.

Um...

Em, come on,

you didn't think i

would just, like,

leave you hanging,

did ya?

You did, didn't ya?

Right, you lot!

Where are you?

Where are you?

What you doing here,

hiding?

You know what my

life's about right now?

It's all about the blocks,

dirty great towers

that have stood firm

for two generations,

full of initiated kids who'll

be dead before they grow old.

Grim towers and

hopeless kids.

"For the first 10 days

they sailed on beautifully

"and found plenty to eat,

as there was lots of fish.

"And they had only to take

them out of the sea

"with a long spoon when

the quangle wangle..."

What's a quangle wangle?

God, I miss putting

those kids to bed.

And sleeping next

to you, of course.

We gonna go to the

Chelsea ball next week?

No.

Come on...

Do you actually ever stop

to think about why I hate

those events?

They worship you and...

Don't even notice me.

Well, it is those events

that pay the bills.

Oh, this is new.

Look at you, man.

What's this about?

Oh, that must have been

the cleaner, I think.

We've been having

a bit of sort out.

It wasn't on purpose.

Ems...

I made a mistake.

You made more than one.

I know I did. I know.

And I'm truly sorry

about it. Okay?

But how long do we have

to keep on going like this?

It's killing me...

It's not a game.

And I'm sure you are

sorry, but I'm not ready.

I need more time.

It's not all about you.

As long as the credit cards

work, though, right?

It's about our kids.

And I'm gonna be working soon.

So, I'll have my own money.

I didn't mean that,

like... oh...

I'm sorry about that.

I don't mean that.

Ems, look, I...

I stopped playing.

I lost my parents.

And I'm really

turned round.

All I really had left was

you and my kids, okay?

And I miss you.

Ems, I'm sorry.

I just want you back.

Ta.

Here, sweetheart.

Cheers, George.

Thank you. Cheers.

Now, the moment you've

all been waiting for.

Ladies and gentlemen,

will you please welcome

battersea's favorite

singing cabbie, George!

Go on, George!

Good evening, Wembley!

You all right?

I think you should go.

It was a mistake.

You've got what you came for,

and my money's on the counter.

Oh, stop it. Come on.

Let's just talk.

If we could talk,

we wouldn't be

where we are now.

You just treat everything like

it's a match you can't lose.

Please... please,

Max, will you go?

A mistake?

Darling? Cup of

tea for you there.

Good luck

today, all right?

I got money on

you winning this.

Thanks, love,

but I keep telling ya,

it ain't a bloody race.

No.

Of course it ain't.

See you later.

Oh, and don't

you be late.

I won't.

- Excuse me.

- Hold this, yeah?

Dom, what the f***

is wrong with you?

Get off the man's car!

Thanks. Thank you.

You f***ing idiot.

Man, how stupid are you?

Come on, man.

Bruv,

when are you

going to grow up?

How many times

have I told you?

You're supposed to be

selling this, not smoking it,

you little prick.

Where the f*** is

your ped? Huh?

That's... that's all

i could tief, innit?

You're some

d*ckhead, you know.

Man, this is why you

don't get no chicks.

What? Bruv, you know

i got bare girls.

Man, I got my dick

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