A Kid Like Jake

1

Oops!

Hello? Hello?

Hi.

Mm. How late can we go?

- I don't know.

- Do we have to go?

- No.

- Oh!

You're lying.

I am.

I am.

Monster bubbles!

I think he wants you.

That's funny.

It's like she has a mustache

right under her nose.

- She does?

- Yeah.

It's just really big lips.

- Greg.

- Tom.

- I wanted to say congratulations.

- Thank you.

- Yeah.

- Only ten years of purgatory, right?

- Right.

- My brother-in-law, Greg.

- Hi.

- Hi. Nice to see you.

I think Jake's, like, twice

the size he was at Christmas.

Oh, yeah. You know, we should

really stop feeding him.

Come on. Enjoy yourself.

Corinne, my daughter, Alex.

- Hi, nice to meet you --

- Hi.

She worked with Paul Shuster

from the public

defenders office.

You remember Paul?

And it turns out before that

she and your brother

overlapped at Fordham

but they never met.

Oh. How funny.

You must be so proud.

I heard

he's the youngest partner

in the firm's history.

Well, he's always been driven.

What can I say?

And you're an attorney, as well?

Uh, no. I'm.. I mean, I was

but I stopped practicing

when I had my son.

Thank God for

the women's movement.

She'll go back, trust me.

- Oh. Is this you?

- Oh, Jesus.

What? It's adorable.

Oh, she was so good.

Now, if she had stuck to it,

can you imagine?

She's got the natural pose,

the natural arch.

Look at that, slim legs.

Everything she needed.

Gave up. What can you do?

You can't push, push, push.

You gotta let go, right?

Right?

She's humble. Ha!

Where'd she get that?

Thank you.

And where are you guys applying?

- Oh, boy.

- What?

Well, we loved our local

public school

but it just got rezoned.

- No!

- It'll, it'll be fine.

The whole reason we moved,

and now they won't let us send him.

I swear, if Pembroke

hadn't discovered

that Kimmie had perfect pitch

halfway through her interview

which, mind you,

we didn't even know..

I -- I mean, just forget it!

Dizzy!

- Dizzy.

- Oh!

- Wait. Come back!

- But I must go.

Please don't go.

That's when you say,

"I don't even know your name."

But I do know your name.

That's not how it goes.

Well, maybe Mommy

was improvising!

Maybe she was improvising!

My sister-in-law comes

from serious money.

I swear, all she does

is shop for the kid.

Meanwhile, I'm lucky

if I can get Jake

out of his pajama bottoms

half the time.

He likes to be comfortable.

Hell, I'd do the same thing

if I could get away with it.

You think the other parents

would mind?

Their preschool director

in a track suit?

You would look hot

in a track suit.

You are such a liar.

But I, you know, is that

even what I want for Jake?

A private school

full of Kimmies?

Even if we could afford it,

which we can't --

Honey, honey.

We're just talkin' options

right now. Casting a wide net.

- Here you go, ladies.

- Thank you.

- Unh-unh-unh! I got this.

- No, no.

Okay? You just get me the essay

by Thursday. No excuses.

Sandra?

- Mm-hmm.

- Come on back.

I should probably warn you,

I'm not sure I buy it.

This.. I mean, it was,

um, Ben's idea.

Ben's my husband.

For now.

How long ago did he move out?

Six days ago.

Yeah, he found

a temporary place.

He says he'll do

marriage counseling.

But only if I..

...work on me first.

Suddenly, he's Dr. Phil.

Can I ask, how's this work?

I just sit here and talk and..

It seems like it's important

for you to have a plan.

Is that what I have

to look forward to?

"A rich man's wife became sick.

"And when she felt that

her end was drawing near

"she called her only daughter

to her bedside and said

"'Dear child, remain good.'

"The girl went out to her

mother's grave every day and wept.

"When winter came,

the snow spread

"a white cloth over the grave.

"And when the spring sun

had removed it again

"the man took himself

another wife.

"Times soon grew very bad

"for the poor stepchild.

"'Why should that stupid goose sit

in the parlor with us?' they said.

'Out with this kitchen maid!'"

- Home again, home again.

- There you are.

I stopped by Gristedes.

God, what a zoo!

Oh, thanks. You -- you

didn't have to go tonight.

- Oh, hello, hello, hello.

- Hey.

What is all this?

It's a draft

for the parent essay.

For the private schools.

- Alex --

- I know, I know.

But I had lunch with Judy today

and she thinks we might have

a shot at a scholarship.

Really?

- Here, here, you relax.

- No, no, no, I've got this.

Well, you don't..

You don't think

that's a waste of time?

I mean, you know

it's, it's a long shot

obviously, but --

Right.

I went by the public school

that we are zoned for now

and it's not great, honestly.

The classrooms are overcrowded.

I'm just worried

he could get totally lost.

I -- I know we've always said

we're not those parents.

- But I don't know, maybe?

- Well, we can't afford to be.

- Greg. Greg!

- Relax!

Anyway..

You know, she said we should

at least try a few privates

along with

the magnet programs, so..

I was hoping you could

help me brainstorm.

- Tonight?

- You're so much better at this.

- Well, I'm not better at this than you.

- No, no, no, you are.

- Everything I write sounds so cloying.

- Alex..

Is there a prompt?

Oh, you know.

"How is Jake more special than

all the other hundreds

of thousands --"

Okay, okay.

Is there an actual prompt?

Uh.. Let's see.

All right.

"Imagine someone were to see

a roomful of children playing.

"Ignoring physical attributes

how would they identify

your child?"

You tell 'em about this?

- That is not funny!

- No!

That's exactly the kind of thing

that sounds

like parent bullshit.

But that is not bullshit!

He was hours old!

Developmentally,

babies don't typically

do that for days, at least.

- Yeah.

- He was clearly advanced --

- Oh, be careful, be careful!

- Oh, sh*t!

What is she doing

on the toaster oven?

She's drying.

Her head broke off.

I guess she fell,

and he came out sobbing

with this decapitated Cinderella

like she'd been guillotined.

- So what, you superglued her?

- Well..

You know, I kept insisting

that she's fine.

I told him that

was another necklace.

Oh.

- He buy that?

- I think?

Mm-hmm.

I've always said

the more attention we pay now

the more we really listen

the more engaged and confident

they'll be.

Not just in school,

but their whole lives.

Which is why it is so important

to create a preschool atmosphere

where children

are encouraged to be

their truest,

most authentic selves.

At this age, that's really

the most important thing.

Yeah, but they're just

playing all day, right?

I mean, basically,

what you've got here

is a, a well-funded playroom.

Well..

Uh, the truth is

uh, creativity and imagination

are both foundational

for all types

of higher learning.

A colleague of mine

wrote a great book

on the subject,

if you're interested.

It's very accessible.

- If it's crap, you can tell me.

- Hush.

It's just so hard

to pitch him --

Oh, trust me, I get it.

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