A Letter to Three Wives Page #10

Okay.

Okay, you win. Ill marry you.

How about it?

Thanks, for nothin'.

Now what kind of an answer is that?

I don't know. I just felt like it, that's all.

We'll do all right, kid.

We're startin' out where

it takes most marriages years to get,

out in the open, no jokers, you'll see.

You've made a good deal, Lora Mae.

Lora Mae, honey, if you want me,

Ill be over at the Callahans' playing...

Happy New Year, Ma.

We're gonna get married.

...bingo.

Well, see you tonight at the club.

- George?

- Hello, there.

George. George, darling.

- Hey, what brings this on?

- Oh, George, Ive got to know something.

There's something Ill just die

if I don't know right away.

Wait till I turn off...

No. No, don't. Don't ever turn it off,

that wonderful music.

Have you been drinking?

Tell me right away, George.

Tell me the truth.

- About what?

- Why didn't you go fishing today?

Oh, the phone.

And you never dress up when there's

no school. Why the blue suit today?

Well, there's a little story

connected with that.

Mrs. Phipps, you're wanted

on the telephone. Its her.

- Who?

- Whosis. The one with the husband.

- Mrs. Manleigh.

- Tell her Im not in.

She called you twice this afternoon.

- Not if you don't want me to.

- Talk to her.

Hello? Hello, Mrs. Manleigh.

Yes, so I hear. I wasn't home. Turn it up.

I see.

Now, look, Mrs. Manleigh,

that woman doesn't change the cheese

your husband manufactures,

why should she change what I write?

No, Im sorry.

I said Im sorry. I will not work tonight.

Because, Mrs. Manleigh, my husband

doesn't like me to work on weekends.

Yes, he's right here.

But he's not twisting my arm.

I made up my mind all by myself.

No. You'll have the copy Monday.

Good-bye, Mrs. Manleigh.

- Peace, it's wonderful.

- Answer my questions.

Well, that night, the night of the Big Wind,

I came home with some news.

You were preoccupied, so after

a couple of tries, I decided to skip it.

It was just that the high school

dramatics society,

decided to do Twelfth Night

and asked me to direct it.

The first rehearsal was today, and I thought

my blue suit was more appropriate

- than a pair of wading boots...

- And Addie knew about it.

Which accounts for,

"If music be the fool of love, play on."

And on and on.

Good evening, Thomasino.

- Did Mr. Bishop call?

- Lady call up, leave this message.

- Mr. Bishop's secretary?

- Didn't say, ma'am.

Mr. Bishop called to say

he is very sorry

he will not be home tonight.

And here are

the results of the eighth,

the winner, number seven, Hoop Skirt,

second, number three, Penny Wise,

third, number six, Pound Foolish.

Hoop Skirt paid 60...

You ought to use a walkie-talkie.

It don't make so much noise.

That was the last race.

Sadie's right. That track's crooked.

It isn't the track, it's the horses.

They fix things up amongst themselves.

How come Porter's so late tonight?

- Want a drink?

- Some of that green peppermint stuff.

Crme de menthe.

I can't stand it. Never could.

I love it.

Its 7:
30. He's never been this late.

Ma, Porter may not be home at all.

- You mean tonight?

- Any night. I think he's gone away for good.

- With somebody else? I don't believe it.

- I do.

Porter would never leave you for good,

and not for another woman.

- Why not?

- Because he's in love with you.

What?

Because he's just plain crazy

in love with you.

- Are you out of your mind?

- I thought I heard soft voices in here.

Hello, Porter.

What's the fight about this time,

furs, jewelry or cash?

- My children and me never fight.

- Fix me a drink, will you? Im tired.

And the reason we never fight bein'

my children know that I know

what Im talkin' about.

Maybe your father Joe Finney wasn't

exactly a saint, may he rest in peace,

but I learned about men from him.

- Too much soda.

- No more so than usual.

Im too tired to play with it tonight.

I wanna drink it.

Addie Ross left town today

and took somebody's husband with her.

- Yeah?

- You seem real excited about it,

like I told you

we were having lamb for dinner.

What do you want me to do,

sue somebody? Im tired.

I figured you might be the lucky boy.

Then it must have broke your heart

when I walked in here.

Funny you should mention my heart.

So you figured I ran away with Addie Ross.

How'd it feel?

You don't have to tell me. I can tell you.

You ought to go on Information Please.

So what? I got mine.

That's what you thought to yourself.

You ought to get a concession at some

carnival. You're a regular mind reader.

Three years of playing the good wife.

Here's where I cash in.

Here comes the payoff.

That's what you thought.

Ive been a good wife.

The best wife your money could buy.

Strictly cash and carry.

Isnt that what you wanted?

Isnt that what you told me?

"Out in the open.

You made a good deal, kid."

Did you ever stop to think, Porter,

that in over three years,

there's one word we've never said

to each other, even in fun?

To you, Im a cash register.

You can't love a cash register.

And Im part of your inventory.

You can't love that either.

I asked you to marry me

because I was crazy about you.

You didn't even ask me!

Ive been a good husband.

You got everything you want.

If you'd only asked me, if you'd only

made me feel like a woman,

- instead of a piece of merchandise.

- Did you give me a chance to?

All you ever showed me was your price tag.

You better get dressed.

We're meeting the others at half past 8:00.

Ill be ready when you are.

- She walks in beauty like the night.

- Hello, George.

Of cloudless climes and starry skies

and all that's good of dark...

You're the most dreamy thing

Ive ever hated at sight.

Thanks so much.

- How are the martinis?

- Very high and dry.

- Let me bring you up to date.

- No, thanks.

- Not drinking?

- Not at the moment.

Say, how long a wait do you suppose

before Brad comes sliding down

the banister?

- A rough idea.

- He's not here.

What do you mean he's not here?

Brad's not here.

There was a message when I got home

saying he wouldn't be back tonight.

Well, perhaps you'd rather

not go without him.

- Why not?

- Well...

Then how about having just

one with us before we leave?

Thanks. I feel fine just as I am.

Oh, a tiny one, for medicinal purposes

against the night air, huh?

- She doesn't want one, George.

- Well, then, uh, shall we?

- Sure you don't want a drink?

- Sure.

You know who that guy is? A bookie.

All the barbershops and saloons

in town dancing with my wife.

- He came over and asked very politely.

- She'd dance with anybody.

She waited to see

if you had any objections.

I wouldn't object

if a chimpanzee asked her.

- Then you've got no right to complain.

- Oh, Ive got no complaints.

Im happy Joe from Kokomo.

Greatest little wife in the world.

Fine home. Fine friends.

Everybody loves me.

Oh, why don't you stop acting

like a spoiled baby?

Everybody loves Porter.

Im fed up listening to your waa-waa-waa.

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