A Letter to Three Wives Page #5

an attempt at pretense.

And just what is

so pretentious about tonight?

Tonight we'll sit down

to one of Sadie's duck dinners.

Present will be Porter and Lora Mae,

with whom we've had many such dinners

when you wore slacks

and I didn't bother to shave.

But this time, also present will be

two advertising moguls

who happen to employ you.

Their presence means

a new uniform for Sadie,

my children prisoners in their room,

and all the pomp and hysteria

usually reserved for coronations.

I call that pretense.

All right. So Im out to impress the boss.

What do I get for that, 30 years?

Tonight's important to me.

Ive planned and worked, shopped,

taken the twins off Sadie's hands,

written my program,

and Ill be up all night tonight

and it's worth it to me.

And as far as dressing's concerned,

you can come in a cowboy suit

for all I care.

Ohhh.

And why do the chairs have to look

as if nobody ever sat down in them?

Because they do! Oh.

Aw, come on, Reet. Let's cut it out.

Look,

you finish up down here and see

if you can't relax for a few minutes.

- Are you all ready except for your dress?

- And combing out my hair.

Good. Ill put the twins to bed

and call up the liquor store

to send over the scotch, all right?

- George?

- Hmm?

Please no jokes about radio.

Im afraid they don't have much

of a sense of humor about it.

Oh, neither have I.

The time for joking about it has passed.

Radio has become a very serious

problem now, like juvenile delinquency.

That's what I mean. Cracks like that.

Oh, that wasn't a crack. I meant it.

George! George!

Sadie, don't open the door.

It might be the guests.

It can't be. Its only 7:00.

If it is, they mustn't see you like that.

If they're that early,

they deserve what they get.

Wait a minute.

- Hiya, Sadie. For Mr. Phipps.

- Hi, Leo.

- Mr. Phipps?

- Yeah.

- Sure smells good.

- Wish I could say the same for you.

For Mr. Phipps. Looks like a present.

A present?

A present? Ohhh.

What's up? I wasn't sure I heard you call.

- Its for you.

- For me?

For George on his birthday.

"If music be the food of love,

play on." Addie.

Well, Ill be...

The Brahms. The Concerto in B-flat.

Oh, it's a recording

made in Vienna before the war.

But how'd she find it?

- George.

- Hmm?

- Its your birthday today.

- I know.

- I just plumb forgot.

- Well, don't worry about it.

- Im not much for birthdays.

- Yes, you are.

- You're very much for birthdays.

- Well, this time you had a lot on your mind.

- Even so...

- "Happy birthday, George."

Happy birthday, George.

What a memory that girl's got.

Almost a year since we talked about it.

Im gonna play it for the twins right now.

- Sadie.

- What?

You didn't by any chance, make a layer

cake for dessert tonight instead, did you?

You know we got cherries jubilee.

You read it to me out of a book.

That's what I thought.

Sometimes I don't think we appreciate

the miracle of the phonograph.

The privilege of having men of genius

perform for us at our command.

- What kind of a set is that?

- Hmm?

Oh, it's no particular make, Mrs. Manleigh.

One of my students

put that together for me.

If I were you, Id stick to the established

trademarks, a Puratone or a Sonobelle.

Puratone, Sonobelle.

I thought that sounded all right.

Didn't you, Porter?

Mine plays two dozen records, different

sizes. Mix 'em up any way you like.

Radio gets China clear as a bell.

Also television.

Except there's no television to get.

- We're too far away.

- Only television set in town.

Like playing tennis without a ball.

What do you want me to do about it,

build you a broadcasting station?

You don't need a station.

Just yell a little louder.

Uh, Mrs. Manleigh, are you sure

I can't get you a drink?

- A cocktail maybe or scotch?

- Never touch it,

alcohol that is, in any form.

- Oh. Uh, Mr. Manleigh?

- He doesn't either.

Well, coming from show business,

you might say,

I always imagined "those kind"

took a nip now and then.

Wouldn't be keeping faith

with our clients,

the most respected trademarks

in the American home.

Well, I think Ill have one more.

Porter?

Ive often wondered, Porter, why you

haven't considered radio advertising.

Mr. Hollingsway has a chain of seven

department stores all over the state.

I know all about it. 23% by volume

over last year. 138% over 1939.

Where'd you get those figures?

They're a matter of public record,

Mr. Hollingsway.

Yours is too big a light

to be hid under a bushel.

George, would you fix me

a small bromo seltzer?

- You're a potential giant, Mr. Hollingsway.

- Not too small.

- Doing all right.

- I said a potential giant.

Potential.

Something tells me Im gonna

have a giant around the house.

Got this whole state sewed up tight.

- But there are 47 other states, Porter.

- Crackerjack point.

Now, you take the three states

adjoining this one.

If I can put you, Porter Hollingsway,

into millions of those homes

for one half hour each week...

He doesn't spend that much time

in his own home.

Excuse me.

I told you the screen was a crummy idea.

- Soup's on.

- Thank you, Sadie.

- Mrs. Manleigh.

- Lora Mae.

Sadie Dugan, what are you

supposed to be, Baby Snooks?

Hiya, Lora Mae.

Get a load of that cap.

I can't wait to tell Ma.

Lora Mae, would you sit there, please?

Come on. Sit down.

There's a couple of things

I could tell your ma about you too.

This quaint situation

belongs in a true-to-life drama.

- Are you two related?

- No, we just had the same governess.

You kill me.

Uh, it's just a small town. You know,

everybody gets to know everybody.

If you don't mind crossing the tracks.

Oh, by the way. Sadie's quite

a radio fan. Listens all the time.

Now, that's very interesting.

All the time, eh?

Keep it going night and day.

Tell me, uh, what are

your favorite programs?

During the day, anything.

- Anything?

- Anything that keeps my mind off my feet.

- I see. And at night?

- In bed, I listen to the police calls.

But you can't understand them.

They're in code.

I sleep like a baby.

How you gonna put me in her house

a half hour every week?

But she's not a housewife.

Still, they have a great influence

over housewives.

Sadie may not realize it,

but whether or not she thinks

she's listening, she's being penetrated.

Good thing she didn't hear you say that.

And after penetration comes saturation.

And when she's saturated,

she'll find herself saying,

"Madam, I suggest that you buy our

washing machine at Hollingsway's."

Not Sadie, and Ive seen her

when she was saturated to the eyes.

You don't know what they're talking about.

Just shut up and eat.

Okay, Giant.

Its half past 8:
00.

I can't miss Brenda. Excuse me, please.

- Well, where is she?

- Radio. Confessions of Brenda Brown.

- One of ours.

- Wait a minute!

You better let me do that for...

Ive gotta tell Sadie to hold the ducks.

Sorry to eat and run like this.

So sorry.

I won't say it doesn't matter,

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