A Madea Christmas Page #12

I told them to hide the kids,

hide they wife...

and hide they Santa Claus,

'cause it's crazy around here.

Thank you so much. This is lovely.

I got a candy apple.

Where y'all went?

Merry Christmas. How you doing?

Where y'all went?

There they is, over there.

Hey, Oliver, how ya doin'?

Good to see you. Good to

see you. All right, all right.

Listen, listen, we have a contract.

You see those people over there?

They are very powerful.

You have to take down the nativity.

Okay, that's it.

May I have everyone's attention?

What is she doing?

Hello, Bucktussle.

I want to thank you all for coming

out to the Christmas Jubilee.

- Look at your daughter.

- Isn't she beautiful?

I'd also like to thank Sheldon

Construction Company...

for sponsoring this

Christmas celebration.

Christmas is about giving back,

and with all the world watching...

not only did Sheldon Construction

Company fund this event...

but they've also agreed to release...

150,000 gallons of water a day

down the river to the farmers.

Thank you.

- What are you doing?

- Giving goodwill towards men.

- Thank you, Mr. Sheldon.

- She's smart.

- I told you.

- Aren't you glad you didn't do anything?

- You care about getting back...

- Yeah.

To the heart of who we are as people.

You are so proud to

be a part of a town...

that doesn't mind keeping

the Christ in Christmas...

so much so, that they are

presenting the McCoy School...

with $100,000 a year

for the next four years.

- Yeah! Yes!

- Yes, yes!

Such a fantastic Christmas

gift to the city, sir.

- Can you give us a comment?

- So without further ado...

let the Christmas Jubilee begin.

Come on.

Well, hello, Bucktussle,

and welcome...

welcome to the Christmas

Jubilee and Fair.

The children of McCoy School...

have put together a little

presentation for us all...

and this has all been under the

direction of their current teacher...

May be wrong for that.

I am so proud of the kids.

Mrs. Lacey Williams.

- Did she say, "Mrs. Lacey Williams"?

- It was all her idea.

- Yep, she did.

- So, thank you, Lacey, for everything.

And now the children of McCoy School,

featuring Bailey McCoy.

That's my boy!

Mary, did you know

That your baby boy

Would give sight to the blind man?

Mary, did you know

- That your baby boy

- Hey, baby.

- Let's go.

- Let's go.

Would calm a storm with his hand?

Did you know

That your baby boy

Has walked where angels trod

And when you kiss your little baby

You have kissed the face of God?

Mary, did you

Know?

You don't need to

have no lingerie on.

Eileen, tell him we've been shopping

at Tifton's for over 15 years.

Yes, okay. I'm gonna help her.

Okay, go help her. Fifteen years.

Well, 15 years ago maybe

that lingerie worked.

But now the lingerie

don't work, honey.

You are so insulting!

I am not insulting.

I am telling you the truth.

You shouldn't have

on no damn lingerie.

I'm trying to save you

some embarrassment.

Put on that damn lingerie, look like

you got hair damage on your ass.

I mean, come on now. Come on, honey.

I'm trying to help y'all.

- Is this good?

- There you go trying to control everything.

- I am not trying to...

- Let me get the lines clean.

Let me get the eye lines clean...

'cause I got a single on

me and a single on you.

And Maysie's sitting in the

editing room right now cussing...

'cause we're talking

all over each other.

Lacey, you do not

have a Christmas tree!

- Mama.

- What? No, really!

That's why you wanted me here...

- Yup, that's exactly why.

- I'll clean up and straighten out.

I'm gonna take this room.

Let me go straighten up a little.

- Then we'll go...

- She talks so much.

- Is this one yours, Madea?

- All right, come on.

What you talking about?

You just talking all over everybody.

- Hi.

- Look, they do it in unison.

They all do it in unison.

That's nice. Unison is nice.

The unison is very nice.

You tryin' to correct me?

I say it's "u-nis-on."

No, Aunt Madea.

So I have a meeting down the hall...

Any unison when they sang unison.

No, ma'am, it's not.

But that's fine. That's okay.

I have a meeting down the hall...

I thought it was "unison",

and "a cappollo."

When they sang in no music,

what is that?

No music?

Yeah, when you sang and there ain't

no music, ain't that a "cappollo"?

No, that's a cappella.

I don't know much about music.

Me and Ike Turner didn't make it.

He went on with Tina.

That's okay. That's okay.

I would beat the hell out of him.

Ike wasn't gonna put his hands

on me. That's all I'm saying.

I'm sorry. Say what you're

saying to the children.

- Are you done? Okay.

- Yes!

I have a meeting down the hall...

You ain't getting testy with me, are you?

Talkin' about "Are you done?"

- No, of course not.

- Okay.

Let's start over from the top, 'cause

that's gonna make it in the gag reel.

Speed.

- White lightning?

- Yeah, moonshine.

You want to take a snort?

Nope, I'll pass.

Boy, it'll put some hair on

your chest, I'll guarantee ya.

Stop it. Come on.

Talk about hair on your chest.

I could French-braid his.

That's right. I could

put a little bow on it.

She's too pretty to have

hair on her chest. Really.

I gotta tell you, I got rid of mine.

Little bat hairs

attached to needles...

soaked in cucumber juice

and a boatload of Nair.

Gone, like that, if you

ever have a problem with...

I've seen a mosquito

so daggone big...

it was dry-humping a wiener

dog right there on the porch.

She's way prettier than the

last one. She looked like...

Tyler Perry.

Boy, I tell you what, Son,

she's way prettier...

than that last girl you was with.

Good night. She looked

like old Tyler Perry.

All right. Keep going.

Oh, my God.

Where are my manners?

I'll do one it one more time. Ready?

Where are my manners?

But this'un,

you done good on this'un.

Shut the...

I need to introduce myself,

but where are my manners?

I am...

- All right.

- It's okay, Mama.

I know. It's gonna roll at the

end of the movie. All right.

I'm a truck driver.

Been out on the road a lot.

Long-haul truck driver.

You run long hos?

No, long haul.

Oh, haw, like haw.

- Hauling.

- Oh, hauling.

Like your eucalyptus.

Menthol. "Hall." Haul.

Not "hole." Haul.

- A hole, a haul, okay.

- But anyway...

he still lives here, that Tanner.

Kid's still beating him up?

Yeah, he's still beating him up.

The little kid?

He's too big for that.

No, he's big now.

He's a regular-sized kid.

I mean, he growed with...

He growed with Conner.

Tanner, he's regular size.

He ain't like a dwarf or nothin'.

- He growed?

- Yeah, he growed up that tall.

He ain't a dwarf. I mean,

shoot, he'd take a dwarf.

He'd kick ass out of a dwarf.

Hell, I hope so.

It's just regular-sized

kids he got trouble with.

- Okay. Okay.

- But he's good in the dwarf department.

I need a dictionary to keep

up with you sometime, honey.

If you're gonna do it, then you

need to do it and keep doin' her...

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