A New Leaf Page #7

longer again after the ceremony.

Oh, I'll kill her.

Henrietta, it's not too late.

I love you, Henrietta.

Please don't do this insane thing.

Oh, Henrietta, I just talked to his uncle ...

I'll kill myself, Henrietta ...

Would you step back just half a step,

so Henry can stand next to Henrietta?

Dearly beloved.

We are gathered together here

in the sight of God ...

and in the face of this company ...

to join together this man and

this woman in holy matrimony ...

which is an honorable estate

instituted of God ...

signifying unto us the mystical union

which is betwixt Christ and his church ...

- I'll be leaving now.

I hope you'll enjoy your stay.

Thank you. Thank you.

Erm, Henrietta, I will use this chest

and you can use that one.

Or would you prefer that I use

that chest and you use this one?

That one will be fine.

And I will unpack my own things.

I have a certain way

that I unpack my things.

And if anyone touches anything

I get mixed up.

- Yes, Henry.

- Alright. Then shall we unpack?

I'm just going to dig up this specimen ...

and take it home for classification.

It's probably been classified for years ...

but I might as well just try it anyway.

Why not?

This is really incredible.

I know this isn't a Cyathea.

I know it's an Alsophila but ...

it seems to have some kind of

vestigial indusium.

Whoops!

Henry?

Commonly found in gardening sheds.

Perfect.

Spreading and emulsifying agents.

Soap, saponins, gelatin ...

Sticking agents, defloculating agents ...

Get poison from gardening shed.

Toxides:
arsenic acid, sodium arsenite,

boron compounds, cyanides ...

cyo-cyenates and

related compounds ...

Oh, Henrietta, I meant to ask you ...

which, er ... which bed do you prefer ?

This one or that one?

Either one is fine for me.

This one is fine.

Fine. Then I will take that one.

And when we both use the same

bed, we'll use this one.

- Champagne?

- Thank you.

Henrietta, where is your other arm?

It's in the nightgown.

It's a Graecian-style nightgown.

It fits over one shoulder and

the other one goes inside.

It's very uncomfortable. I can barely

move my head all the way around.

Fine ... I just think you have

your head through the arm-hole.

If you'll just stand up for a minute.

That's it. There you are ...

I think ... You see, you have

your head through the arm-hole.

Now, pick your arm up ...

No, not that one.

Put that one down.

That arm down. Let's pick

this arm up. Thaaaat's it.

That's it.

Now, here we are.

- Just get this ... over here ...

- Let me put my glasses ...

Oh, here. Let me put

your glasses down here.

Alright. Now, hold it ...

No, just a minute.

See, you have your ...

you have your head through the arm-hole.

We have to get your head out ...

out of the arm-hole.

See, both of the holes look very similar.

Where ... where is your head-hole?

Well, I thought my head was in it.

No. You had your head in the arm-hole.

Where are you now?

I'm still where I was.

- Where ...?

- Just a minute.

Oh. Here. That's it.

Here you are.

- I'll get your arm ...

- This arm?

Yes. Get this arm through ... through ...

No, wait a minute. You have ...

There. That's it.

Now put this arm ...

through here.

This is a head-and-left-arm hole.

Here. There you are.

- That's it. That's it!

- Oh, I see.

Now, there! That's the way ... it's

supposed to ... It still looks strange.

I'm sorry to be so much trouble to you.

That's alright. It's not for long ...

- Harold, Harold!

- Welcome home.

- Where is Mrs Graham, sir?

- Who?

Is she not with you, sir?

Where is she, sir?

Hello.

Oh, there you are, Madam.

Oh, welcome home, Mrs Graham.

May ... may I express my great

joy at seeing you ... again.

Thank you, Harold. Heavens.

Harold, where is the chauffeur?

I couldn't find him, sir.

He disappeared just as

I was about to leave.

- Couldn't find him ?

- No.

John is a little forgetful, dear.

That's why I usually take the bus.

- Who's John?

- John is the chauffeur.

His memory lapses.

I ... I think you ought to

prepare yourself, sir.

Mrs Graham's household is

incredibly democratic.

Couldn't find the chauffeur?

Chauffeur? Chauffeur!

Well, you're early.

Well, welcome home and

congratulations.

Mrs Traggert, I'd like you to meet

my husband, Henry Graham.

How do you do?

Henry, this is the housekeeper,

our housekeeper, Mrs Traggert.

May I ask where the chauffeur is?

Well, didn't he pick you up at the airport?

No, he did not.

Oh, well ...

I guess, er, his car broke down.

I'll have to look into that.

Will you ... you're wanting dinner

at home this evening?

Henry, would you want dinner

at home this evening?

Yes, supper for two, Mrs Traggert.

Very good.

Thank you, Mrs Traggert.

You're welcome.

- Well, how do you like it so far, dear?

- Well, I've only seen the foyer.

Oh, well, this is the main hall.

Oh, baby. Oh, I need you.

Oh, I want you. Aah ... ooh ...

Oh, who ... who are they?

Erm, one of them was a maid and

the other ... er ... was the chauffeur.

- John, the chauffeur?

- Yes.

Tell me, Henrietta, on what basis

do you hire your servants?

Efficiency or personal charm?

Both, actually. I mean,

I don't actually hire them.

Mrs Traggert does now

do the hiring, but I, er ...

When I did hire them,

I used both criteria.

Oh, er, madam?

Are you a guest in ...?

Is she ...?

Madam, would you mind using

the servants' staircase?

This is Mrs Blair.

This is the cook's daughter, Mandy.

Er, Madam, would you mind

letting us through? We ... Harold!

- Harold?

- Yes, sir?

Harold, get the household accounts

from Mrs Traggert immediately ...

and meet me in the

drawing room in ten minutes.

You can finish the luggage later.

- You may go now, Harold.

- Yes.

This is insane. Absolutely astonishing.

I thought it might be, sir.

She keeps it under the mattress.

Hm. Look at this, Harold.

There are 17 servants in this house,

including a cook's daughter ...

who gets $200 a week

as her mother's helper.

The food bills average out to $130 a day.

And there are no receipts.

Miscellaneous:
$6,000 a month.

Harold, after dinner ...

I want all the servants in this room ...

and be sure that Mrs Graham

is not present.

Copy this ledger exactly and put it

back under the mattress.

Certainly, sir.

Harold, do you happen to know

where the gardening shed is?

Yes, sir. It's in the back of the garden.

Oh, good. Well, I guess I'll take

a stroll around the grounds.

We don't have anything like that,

Mr Graham.

Mrs Graham wouldn't allow it.

She's a strict believer

in the organic method.

But surely some of the

more basic pesticides ...

arsenic, strychnine ... that kind of thing.

No. A healthy plant in a healthy soil.

That's the organic method.

It works, too.

Oh, really?

Well ... if it really works,

why change it?

Mr Graham, on behalf of the entire staff,

I would like to welcome you aboard ...

and drink a toast to your success.

Thank you very much, Mrs Traggert.

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