A New Year of Lying to Myself... In Song!!

Episode #4

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[Thomas]:
What's this? 2016 has evolved into 2017! Or devolved. . . We don't know yet. We're gonna find out together.

*logo*

[Thomas]:
What is up, everybody?! Welp, another year has come and gone. So long, 2016! And you know, despite all the cruddy things that happened during this past year, I have to be thankful for all the things I was able to accomplish. I got to hang out with the Teen Titans.

*vine*

[Greg Cipes]:
(Beast Boy voice) Teen Titans?

[Thomas]:
Hi. You guys live in a secret base?

[Greg Cipes]:
Totally secret, bruh.

[Thomas]:
Then why is it a building shaped like a gigantic T?

[Greg Cipes]:
Didn't think about that. . .

[Thomas]:
No, you didn't.

*different vine*

[Khary Payton]:
(Cyborg voice) BOO YAHH!!!!

[Tara Strong]:
(Raven voice) Azarath metrion ZINTHOS!

[Thomas]:
So cool! So, Robin, what can you do?

[Scott Menville]: (Robin voice) I can say, TITANS GO!!! Yeah?

[Thomas]:
Great...

*back to video*

[Thomas]:
I got really obsessed with Hamilton, and then I bothered some of the original cast.

*vine*

[Thomas]:
Pardon me, are you Aaron Burr, sir?

[Leslie Odom Jr.]: That depends, who's asking?

[Thomas]:
Okay, you don't have to be rude. I'm just a big fan. Sorry.

*different vine*

[Thomas]:
Have you heard the Hamilton mixtape? Have you heard the Hamilton mixtape? Have you heard the new Hamilton mixtape?

[Anthony Ramos]:
Dude, yes!

*back to video*

[Thomas]:
I got to have fun with some of the Crystal Gems and Steven Universe.

*vine*

[Thomas]:
Who ate my fries? Lapis?

[Jennifer Paz]:
(Lapis voice) I don't like fries.

[Thomas]:
Pearl?

[Deedee Magno]:
(Pearl voice) I don't like food!

[Thomas]:
Steven?

[Zach Callison]:
(Steven voice) It was Amethyst!

[Michaela Dietz]: (Amethyst voice) Yeah, it was!

[Thomas]:
UGHHHH!!!

*back to video*

[Thomas]:
I got to go to the Tonys, got to travel to different countries, I performed at VidCon, I went to Playlist and had a huge birthday surprise thrown for me on stage, I won a Streamy award, I collabed with soooo many of my YouTube heroes, AND I went on tour with my first original musical and met so many of you guys across 17 different cities in the U.S. and Canada! Whooooo! -Gasps for air- So, the question remains: What comes next?

[Logic]:
Good question!

[Thomas]:
OOHkay, my logical side is back, everyone.

[Logic]:
It's the beginning of the year, which means we...

[Both]:
...make New Year's resolutions.

[Logic]:
Very good.

[Thomas]:
Well, I was just thinking, like, goals to set this year for my videos.

[Logic]:
Good videos come when we set a better lifestyle for ourselves, Thomas. Now-- --what are some steps we can take to achieve this?

[Thomas]:
Ummmm...

[Morality]:
Really? Can't think of one?

[Logic]:
Now, w-wait a second, this is my turn! This is the video where I come to help!

[Morality]:
Except I've already gone through this. Hey, Dad here. I represent Thomas' morality--

[Logic]:
Oh, come on!

[Morality]:
What about learning to cook? And all those other steps towards proper adultery?

[Thomas]:
That's not the word. That-that doesn't mean becoming an adult.

[Morality]:
Yeah. Well, whatever the word is, don't you think that's something to work towards this year?

[Logic]:
Excuse me, but we were just working out what he needs to focus on this year, which in my opinion, is expanding your mind. Good content will only come to your viewers if you educate yourself.

[Thomas]:
Yeah...

[Morality]:
Well, that's all well and good, but how is he supposed to do that when he still needs to work on eating right and taking care of himself more?

[Thomas]:
Yeah, I gotta do that too...

[Logic]:
He can do that just fine! He's severely lacking in the knowledge department!

[Thomas]:
Well...

[Logic]:
He's cooked in the kitchen plenty of times since you've talked to him.

[Morality]:
Has he now? -laughs- Well, I might need to see some proof of that; should we dust the stove for prints?

[Princey]:
Did someone say "prince"?

[Logic]:
Noooooo!

[Morality]:
Heyyyy!

[Thomas]:
Wow, okay, so my fanciful side is here too now.

[Princey]:
Thomas, as you know, I am your hopes and dreams, and you need to dedicate this year to doing all the things you've ever dreamed of! Travel more! Act more! Create more!

[Logic]:
(yelling) But how can he do that without knowledge?

[Morality]:
Or a healthy way of living?

[Princey]:
I get what you two are saying, and I do care about that. But here's the thing: I don't really care about that.

[Logic]:
OH, my goodness gracious! I can't believe--

[Morality]:
The basic, essential things that you need to learn--

(Overlapping speech)

*Thomas trying to get his emotions to agree and be peaceful for once*

[Anxiety]:
So, isn't this nice.

[Thomas]:
Oh, good, my anxiety, right on time.

[Princey]:
What are you doing back here?

[Anxiety]:
All these emotions and thoughts in complete turmoil? How could I not show up at this party?

[Logic]:
Unbelievable. This was totally supposed to be my video.

[Anxiety]:
Get over it. You're the least popular character, and you know it.

[Thomas]:
-clicks tongue- Ooooh...

[Morality]:
-cough, repressed giggle-

[Princey]:
Curse you for making me laugh.

[Anxiety]:
This whole thing just amuses me, because you're gonna waste all this time picking out goals for the new year, what you need to start doing, or stop doing, and in a month, probably less, it's all gonna be for nothing. You're gonna stop trying and go right back to before. It's all meaningless.

[Thomas]:
Nuh-uh!

[Anxiety]:
Yuh-huh!

[Princey]:
We've got this. He'll definitely stay true.

[Logic]:
Well, looking at facts, we have been pretty bad about sticking to goals in the past.

[Morality]:
Can't lie about that.

[Anxiety]:
See? You know it's true.

[Princey]:
Ugh. I do not like you.

[Thomas]:
Well, this year it could be different, right? Right? ♪ I'll cut out carbs to lose some weight. ♪

[Logic]:
That's a lie.

[Thomas]:
♪ I won't go to bed so late. ♪

[Morality]:
LIE!

[Thomas]:
♪ I won't be so shy to date. ♪

[Logic]:
Lie.

[Thomas]:
♪ I won't do so much riffing. ♪

[Princey]:
(riffing) ♪ Lieeeeeee. ♪

[Thomas]:
♪ I will go to the gym and get real strong. ♪

[Morality]:
Lie!

[Thomas]:
♪ All my work I won't prolong. ♪

[Logic]:
Hah! Lie.

[Thomas]:
♪ I'll stick to goals the whole year long. ♪

[Morality]:
Another lie!

[Thomas]:
♪ I won't sing so many Disney songs. ♪

[Princey]:
You're kidding, right?

[Anxiety]:
♪ Let's face the facts and come to terms it's time to realize. These goals are only merely hope we quickly leave behind. They're lies, lies, lies, lies, lieeeeees! ♪ Give it up. Resolutions are nothing more than empty promises to yourself. Shouldn't even try.

[Thomas]:
Okay, maybe thinking big like that is not the way to go, but resolutions don't have to be big. They can be reasonable. ♪ I could cook a meal or four. ♪

[Morality]:
True...

[Thomas]:
♪ Keep my clothes neater in my drawer. ♪

[Princey]:
True.

[Thomas]:
♪ Improve my credit score. ♪

[Logic]:
So true.

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