A Patch of Fog

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Sandy speaking.

How you doing?

I'll take that. Sorry...

Yeah.

Yeah, well check it.

Thank you very much.

And then I'll be with you...

Hmm?

Well, Friday, as far as I knew.

Was Friday not in my diary?

[Woman on radio welcome to night vision.

I'm Lucy Walsh.

On this week's show

we'll be reviewing

Monica Malone's latest

collection of poetry.

Offering their expert

opinions, as usual,

are noted local

playwright, Tom Breslin.

And novelist Sandy Duffy, author of

the award winning a patch of fog.

This is a building of enormous

cultural importance to this city,

and you're saying that

we should just tear it down?

No, I think my exact words are

we should burn it down.

Oh, come on now, Sandy, aren't you just

being provocative for the sake of it?

Maybe when he's finished

playing to the gallery

we can have an intelligent

conversation.

There's a memorial to

Lewis at poet's corner.

Maybe we should turn

that into a car park?

Well, exactly, he already has

a memorial at poet's corner.

- What more does he need?

- Well, I think that will generate enough heat

on our message board.

That's all the fiery debate

we have time for this evening,

but before we go,

I'm happy to announce we will be

celebrating the 25th anniversary of a

patch of fog with a one off TV special

and live interview with Sandy

Duffy at the end of this season.

Lucy, are you alone?

Sorry, I got called away.

Someone upstairs thought you might

wanna go a bit easier on Tom.

Oh, come on. It's just a couple of

old dogs barking at each other.

Well, look, they gave me the

yellow card to show you, so.

You're a very

good company, girl.

Am I gonna see you tonight?

I can't. Phoebe has

an early start tomorrow.

When do I get to meet her?

Soon.

Great, can't wait.

- See you tomorrow.

- Yep, night.

- Talk to you soon.

- Goodnight.

That picture's from when you didn't look

like a bag of shite rolled down a hill.

Since when do I pay you

to tell me the truth?

It's a freebie.

Something for you.

Those just came this morning.

Publisher's already

looking at a second run.

Fathers who already have it

are buying it for their sons.

You just wait until

after the special.

The culture show,

all of the big boys,

they'll be wanting

a piece of you.

It's always been a solid

seller in the states.

Wee promotion tour.

New York.

Look, Freddie,

I appreciate all the,

well, your effort,

but do we have to do all this?

I'm tired.

I'm sick of always

talking about it.

Of always being

talked to about it.

Listen...

My advice to you as a friend;

it doesn't make financial sense.

Yeah, and your advice

is in no way

motivated by your commission?

I don't need the money

and I don't need the hassle.

After the interview

we're changing the record.

This wouldn't be anything to do with a

presenter of the female persuasion, would it?

It's my book, my decision.

So what are we going

to drink to then?

- Obscurity?

- Has a ring to it.

Hollow.

The telegraph called.

Dougie hasn't shown up

for his interview.

Oh, for f***'s sake.

Listen, don't decide just yet.

Take a little bit of time.

Think about it. Ok?

Supersavers, this Christmas,

all our Christmas trees

on special offer...

Yep? I'm just in the shop.

I'm going to pay for stuff and then I'm

going to be with you, very shortly.

Yeah, yeah. I'm on my way now.

Be there shortly. Ok. Bye.

Excuse me, sir?

Do you mind if I have a

quick word with you please?

- Who me? I'm alright.

- Inside, if you don't mind.

- Is this absolutely necessary?

- Yeah, it really is.

Just stepping off the floor

for ten minutes, Sheila.

Straight through here.

Yeah, well, see what happened was I, I

obviously got distracted by my phone.

- It was just an accident.

- An accident?

- That's what they all say.

- I.D.

Look, you don't have to do this.

I mean, surely you've

some degree of autonomy.

Well, can't you let me

off with just a warning?

Shoplifters will be prosecuted.

Signs all over the shop, sir.

- You sure you didn't read them?

- Why would I read them? I'm not a thief.

- Alexander Duffy.

- So what happens now?

Well, I'm obliged

to call the police.

Then I'll take you down stairs,

we'll stand on the street,

I'll put my hand

on your shoulder

and we'll wait for

the police to arrive.

Could take anywhere

between 20 to 25 minutes.

Especially this time of year

with it being Christmas,

the traffic's terrible.

The longer we wait,

the more people will see you.

The more people that see you,

the bigger the deterrent.

That's the theory anyway.

Look what's your name?

- It's Robert.

- Robert, please don't do this.

Nothing I can do, sir. You see, you've

been captured on our CCTV system,

which then is all recorded

onto this disc.

Even if I wanted to help you,

I couldn't really.

It's out of my hands, sir.

Well, isn't there

anything can be done?

What if I pay for the pen now?

And then if there's any left

over, you get yourself a pint.

Did I say pint?

I meant two pints.

I don't drink.

Please, Robert.

I mean, this...

This could ruin me.

I appear on television.

Well, I don't want to

end up on the news.

Also, I teach at the university,

they have an ethics clause.

I could get the sack.

Hello, bill?

Yeah, it's Robbie.

Robert, what happened to one guy

doing another guy a favor, eh?

It's Christmas.

Come on, man.

Yeah. Hmm.

Please.

Yeah, I was just

checking the system.

Yeah, just making

sure, you know.

Sorry about that.

Ok, you take care.

Happy Christmas.

Love to the wife. Bye-bye.

Oh, listen, Robert.

Cheers, really.

- Thanks so much.

- No, put your money away.

- Really?

- Aye.

What happened to one guy

doing another guy a favor?

Right.

Thanks.

So I'm... I'm free to go?

I tell you what,

if you want to repay me

you could... you could

buy me a Coca-Cola sometime.

Absolutely, Robert.

Any time,

it would be a pleasure.

Brilliant!

I get off in half an hour.

Nothing like a drink after work.

- So, you're on the telly?

- Mm-hmm.

- What program?

- It's called night vision?

- Never seen it.

- We review plays, films, books, poetry.

I'll have to watch that.

So, what about you, have you

always been in security?

Yeah. Yeah, always.

Well, that must be exciting,

you know.

Keeping up with the thieves.

Learning the new tricks.

Yeah, it has its moments.

There's plenty of tricks though.

There's the toothpick.

Where they wedge

a toothpick in the pocket,

so the pocket stays open.

And then they just knock

all the stuff in their pocket

- off the shelves, you see.

- Right.

Now, my personal favorite,

which is a great one,

- that's called the bicycle.

- Mm-hm.

That's where the thief will

ride up on his bike

outside of my store and he'll

ask me to look after his bike.

And because I'm such a nice

fella I say, "yeah, no problem."

- Right.

- So I'm looking after his bike and he's gone inside.

Then his accomplice comes along and

jumps on the bike and rides away, see.

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