A Perfect World Page #3

That ought to put his pecker in a sling,

huh, Red? Sorry, ma'am.

Dick humor, unique.

Shouldn't these be roadblocked?

Now, in a perfect world...

...we'd lock arms and thrash

the bushes until he turned up.

In a perfect world,

things like this wouldn't happen.

MAN [OVER RADIO]:

Adler, we're proceeding on FM 1491 .

Our locals are heading out.

You want to follow them?

No, we'll just keep cruising.

He'll turn up eventually.

Okay, we're gonna do

some car shopping.

You ever play cowboys and Indians?

See that Ford sedan?

I want you to sneak over there

like an Indian and take a peek.

See if the keys is in it.

Don't have to if you don't want to.

But I'd appreciate it,

you being the new navigator and all.

Hey, Phillip! Phillip!

Check for a radio too.

It's got keys and a radio. I checked.

Good man.

Can we stop at the filling station?

- What for?

- Number one.

This here's nature, Phillip.

You just pee over by the tree.

[SPLASHING]

[KEYS JINGLE]

[ENGlNE SPUTTERING]

- Hey! That's my car!

- Start, you son of a b*tch!

FARMER:

Hey!

[ENGlNE STARTS]

Get in the car, Phillip! Phillip!

Phillip, get in the car!

Jump!

[GROANlNG]

[YELLS]

- Goddamn, how many RCs did you drink?

- Four.

[CHUCKLES]

MAN [OVER RADIO]:

Adler, if we get a clean shot, can we take it?

Red, locals wanna know, if they get

a clean shot, should they take it?

No.

I don't want any half-ass sergeant

taking a potshot with a deer rifle.

- Only thing to do, he's got the boy.

- You figure he'll just give up.

- Maybe, maybe not.

- Well, now, there's a safe bet.

Well, he's better off now

than he was.

That third eye Pugh is sporting on the way

to the morgue speaks otherwise.

Then why not just shoot to kill?

Oh, now, there's a brainstorm.

Red, they forwarded the stolen vehicle

license to the roadblock.

- You still want to go to the farm?

- Yeah. Yeah, I got a hunch.

[MELLOW POP MUSIC

PLAYING QUIETLY ON RADlO]

Never met a brown-eyed Phillip before.

- Who are you named after?

- My daddy.

- You and your old man get along all right?

- Yes, sir.

Toss the ball around, play grab-ass

in the yard, that sort of thing?

No, sir.

Why the hell not?

He ain't around, really.

Well, he is or he ain't.

When's the last time you saw him?

Me and you got a lot

in common, Phillip.

The both of us is handsome devils.

We both like RC Cola.

And neither one of us got

an old man worth a damn.

My mama says he'll come back.

Probably when I'm 10 or so.

Well, she's lying to you,

pure and simple.

All right? He ain't ever coming back.

Guys like us, Phillip...

...we gotta be on our own.

Seek foolish destiny.

Ha, ha, that sort of thing.

You, uh...? You responsible

for the engine maintenance on that?

- That's right. l'm the full-time driver.

- Uh-huh.

- What?

- It's slipping a bit going into second.

Seems like somebody's been

heavy-footed with the clutch.

I'd put that on a list if l was you.

Well...

...ain't no bodies here, thank God.

- You got the keys to this vehicle?

- No.

- See if we got a pry bar in the car.

- Yes, sir.

Here you go, Red.

- You might want to wait in the boat.

- Please.

Well, there's our bureaucrat.

[COUGHS]

RED:
Nice to know the boy's

in good hands. Here.

- I don't want...

- Gallows humor, Sally.

Without it,

we'd all be losing our lunch.

- Want some water?

- No.

You ready to get out of them skivvies

and into some britches?

All right, then, let's go.

First, we gotta come up with some

a. k. a.'s. You know, fake identities.

Names to call each other

when we're around other folks.

You go ahead and you think one up.

- Whatever name you want.

- Any name I want?

Any name you want.

[WOMEN CHATTERING]

Well, hello there,

and welcome to Friendly's.

Looks like the little fellow

needs some pants.

As a matter of fact, shoes and new

skivvies too. He'll tell you his size.

Go with the lady, Buzz.

- Buzz.

- Buzz. Go with the lady.

Buzz, what a cute little name.

Like a bee.

[MAN SPEAKlNG INDISTINCTLY

ON TV]

Oh! Ha-ha-ha.

Oh, look, a friendly ghost.

Say "Boo."

Boo.

Not very scary. But you'll have a whole year

to work on it if your daddy lets you have it.

It's a good price too.

What did you go as this year?

A bandit.

Oh, sh*t!

- Pete.

MAN [OVER RADIO]: Yeah?

- This is Terrance. I think l got it.

- 10-4.

[MAN CONTlNUES SPEAKlNG

INDISTlNCTLY ON TV]

- What do you think?

- Look good.

Will that be all for you today, sir?

You folks are about the grinningest

bunch I ever seen.

[LAUGHS]

Mr. Willits holds

a contest every month.

The friendliest employee gets

a $20 bonus.

Pete, I'm all set down here. You?

Copacetic. Let's just keep him tied up

till the state boys get here.

REPORTER [ON TV]:

The hunt continues for Butch Haynes...

...who escaped last night

from the security unit over in Huntsville.

Haynes, 6'1 ", 185 pounds with

brown hair, is armed and dangerous."

- He was last seen in....

- Here are the clothes.

Buzz has his heart set on a Halloween

costume for next year. It is half off.

REPORTER:

- -four miles south of Desdemona.

Complicating attempts

to apprehend him...

...Haynes is believed to have

an 8-year-old boy with him as hostage.

In a related story,

authorities have found the slain body....

We'll get it next time.

Go wait in the car, son.

REPORTER:
... hostage taken by Haynes

and his fellow escapee, Terry Pugh.

The body of Billings was found

in the trunk of his car.

The car, used in the prison escape...

...was discarded near a farm where

another car was stolen this morning.

The stolen car is a yellow Ford sedan.

Anyone who spots it should contact

law enforcement officials.

As we reported earlier,

the body of Terry Pugh....

You're truly the friendliest clerk

I ever met.

Thank you for shopping Friendly's.

WOMAN [OVER RADIO]:

Copy, 149, hold your 20.

Damn!

What the... What the hell?

PETE:

He's coming back!

Get out of there!

We can't lose both vehicles!

LUCY:
I knew something was wrong

from the get-go.

Agh.

Look, he left his little boy!

He's got the Casper costume!

He stole it!

Buzz, you little sh*t!

Shoplifting is a crime!

Up to you, Buzz!

You'll never get away with this,

you little mister!

You ain't so friendly.

Whoa!

[SlRENS WAILING]

Take them nasty skivvies off,

put these jeans on.

- What do you got there?

- A ghost suit.

From the store?

You kiped it?

Well, hell, Phillip, put it on.

You ain't mad?

Let's understand each other.

Stealing's wrong, okay?

But if there's something you need bad

and you ain't got the money...

...it's okay to take a loaner

on the item.

It's what you call

an exception to the rule.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

You don't want to get undressed

in front of me, is that it?

You embarrassed because I might

see your pecker?

It's...

...puny.

- What?

- It's puny.

Who told you that?

Let me see.

Go on, I'll shoot you straight.

Hell, no, Phillip.

It's a good size for a boy your age.

[SlRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE]

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