A Perfect World Page #5

No trouble at all, Bob.

No trouble at all.

OFFICER:

Thank you, sir.

All right, thank you.

Can I see your license, sir?

All right, thank you very much.

Bye, now.

- Can I see your license, please?

- What's the problem, officer?

We got an escaped convict,

just a precaution. Have a nice trip.

Okay, thanks.

MAN [OVER RADIO]: We got two cars.

- They got two cars they can give us, Red.

Have them hold tight. I think we got

the best seat in the house right here.

Tell those roadblocks to call in dogs

and move north.

We'll check every road and every farm

between San Angelo and Sweetwater.

There's my Geritol.

ALL [SINGING]:
Old MacDonald had a farm

Ee-i-ee-i-oh

And on that farm he had a pig

Ee-i-ee-i-oh

With an oink, oink here

And an oink, oink there

- Patsy, look at what you're doing.

- Oh, no. Here.

Look at what you did!

What is wrong with you?

I told you! Look at me.

I told you twice not to jump up

and down, didn't I? Now, didn't I?

It's all over your father's new car!

Just get your bottom there

and stay, both of you!

It's okay, sugar.

Daddy still loves you.

- So much for the new car smell.

BOB:
All right!

This'll be fine right here, Bob.

But I do have one more favor to ask.

Just a loaner, Bob. Not to worry.

You'll get her back.

It's new, so if you'd keep it under 45

for 500 miles, I'd appreciate it.

You know I will, Bob.

[LAUGHING]

- They look funny.

- Maybe.

But Bob did the right thing.

What if he'd put up a fight?

I might've had to shoot him.

Where would that family be then?

No, Bob's a fine family man.

That's about the best thing

a fella can hope to be.

BOB:

Hold on, we're almost there.

[WOMAN CHATTERING lNDISTINCTLY

OVER RADIO]

BOB:

Keep together.

[ALL GROANING]

Got through at Aspermont.

Coerced a motorist.

Damn. Call Amarillo and tell them we

got a notion they're headed that way.

ADLER:

Okay, Red.

Tell you the truth, l hope they make it

across the border. Let the feds take this.

I got things l could be doing.

I'm hungry. We got any food?

- I don't know. Let me look.

SUTTLE:
Uh, sir...?

- Red, they got T-bones in the fridge.

- Those were ordered special for...

- And Tater Tots!

SUTTLE:
He might not approve of this.

That so? Mm.

I do like Tater Tots.

Can't find a coon-ass waltz

to save my ass.

[RADIO SCANNING CHANNELS]

That stuff you told me about not

trick-or-treating because of Jehovah...

...was you pulling my leg?

No, sir.

- What else ain't you supposed to do?

- We don't get Christmas.

- You're shitting me.

- No birthdays, nor parties neither.

You've never been to a carnival

neither, have you?

No.

- Cotton candy?

- Seen that once. It's...

...red.

No, it's not, it's pink.

Never ate none though.

- Roller coasters?

- Seen pictures.

You have a goddamn red white and blue

American right...

...to eat cotton candy,

ride roller coasters.

I do?

Hell yes, you do.

Faster, Butch! Faster!

Yeah! Ha, ha!

Faster!

Yeah!

Come on, Butch, faster!

ADLER:

Yes, sir.

- You fellas dig in now.

- All right.

Whoo, it's hot.

You think you're pretty smart, now,

don't you?

Excuse me?

Well, you ain't smart,

but, goddamn, you are pretty.

Please.

I think that, uh, business and pleasure

should just naturally mix, don't you?

I mean, take me. I love my work.

- So did Hitler.

- Heh.

- Goddamn, you got a mouth on you.

- Mm-hm.

How do you like your steak, Sally?

Rare.

Good. I'll wipe its ass, herd it

through, and you can tear off a slab.

On second thought, medium rare.

I don't care who you work for.

You're here for one reason only.

You hear me?

Anything else, chief?

Yeah.

You're in my office. Get out.

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING QUIETLY

ON RADIO]

Here you go.

Thank you, Father, for your

bountiful nature and goodness.

Amen.

Now, dig in, Buzz.

We call him that

because he eats like a buzzard.

[LAUGHING]

If it's dead, he'll swoop and chow.

You Dottie?

Eileen. Dottie died.

Her son runs the place, but, uh...

...he ain't never here.

Never?

He leaves around 4. You know,

not much traffic after lunch.

If you need me,

I'll be right over here.

Eat your food.

Buzz, you go ahead

and chew on mine if you want.

No, thank you.

Ooh. Very polite.

Well, I try hard but, you know,

since his mama died....

My mama's not dead.

Okay, Buzz, go on out in

the parking lot and chuck some rocks.

[DOOR BELL CHlMES]

So is she dead or not?

Well, his biological mother is alive.

She gave him up for adoption

to me and my wife.

My dead wife, that is.

She is... Was Phil...

Buzz's stepmother. So she's his mom.

Was his mom.

Stepmom.

But she's dead.

I am so sorry.

[MOANlNG]

Nosy little fella.

Get in the car.

[ENGlNE STARTS]

You mad at me?

No.

You kissed her, huh?

Just barely.

Why?

Because it feels good.

- Ain't you seen your mama kiss a man?

- No.

You kissed her backside, huh?

Well, it's kind of hard

to explain, I...

I know how it must've looked.

[CHUCKLES]

- Hell, l don't know how it looked.

- Do you love her?

- Who?

- The lady who cooked the hamburger.

Yeah, Phillip.

Yeah, l love her.

I kissed her butt, didn't l?

[LAUGHING]

BUTCH:

If things go our way...

...we'll be in Alaska

in four or five days.

Get the jump on winter.

What's wrong?

I want to go home.

- Then why didn't you stay at the store?

- Because.

- Because why?

- Because I stole.

They'll put me in jail.

I'll probably go to hell.

Ha, ha. Same difference, Phillip.

Same difference.

We'll get you home soon.

I swear, okay?

- Butch?

- Yeah.

I can drive.

Done proved that, ain't you?

There's lots and lots of stuff you can do.

Lots and lots of stuff.

Reach in that glove box there.

See if Bob's got a notepad

or something.

Good old Bob.

- Can you write?

- I can print.

Good enough.

Make a list of everything you ever

wanted to do but wasn't allowed to.

Like what?

Like...

...cotton candy.

Cotton candy.

Hell, l don't know, Phillip, it's your list.

PHILLIP:
Butch?

BUTCH:
Yeah.

PHILLIP:

How do you spell "rocket ship"?

[BUTCH CHUCKLES]

I'll let those fellas

get a little more shut-eye.

A few more hours of it, anyway.

We'll get the patrol cars in

the morning and head up the Panhandle.

SALLY:

Does that bring back any memories?

You got a file on me too?

Hey, it's the '60s, Red.

They got a file on everybody, right?

Just because it's written down,

that don't mean it's true.

True, absolutely.

But, uh, you did work as county

sheriff in Amarillo and Austin...

...before you became a Ranger.

Right so far?

Haynes' juvenile court record

lists you as amicus curiae:

Evidence given by a non-party with

the intention of swaying the judge.

Usually it comes in written form,

but there was no copy attached.

Silence.

Okay. At least tell me why Haynes

did four years for a joyride, huh?

What about probation?

The boy had a home, a father.

What do your files say about him?

It says he was a thief who did a little

time, got out and stayed pretty clean.

Your precious files are wrong.

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