A Puppy for Christmas

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1

NOELLE:
My entire

life I've dreamed of...

owning a puppy!

It's not much of

a dream, I know.

But somehow it's been

thwarted at every turn.

I asked for a puppy

every Christmas,

starting when I was five.

First, they gave me a goldfish.

When I was six,

they gave me a turtle.

When I was seven,

they got me a cockatiel.

Then my parents got divorced.

You'd think the guilt alone

would bring a puppy my way...

In college,

we weren't allowed pets.

And let's face it,

I had no time.

And do you know how hard it is

to find a pet-friendly

apartment in this city?

Until...

I moved in with Todd.

...who is allergic

to everything!

[sneeze]

NOELLE:
But other than that,

he's perfect!

HELEN:
Honey, no man is perfect.

Trust me.

NOELLE:
But he is!

He's charismatic and funny,

he's got a great job--

Okay, so if he's so perfect,

wouldn't you be engaged by now?

Hey!

You know what?

Get a Cockapoo!

They're hypo-allergenic.

Does hypo-allergenic

really work?

We had one and Bob

was allergic to everything.

Plus, maybe it'll give

Todd the nudge he needs.

You wanna see his

"daddy potential"?

Give him something

small and cuddly.

Next thing you know he'll

be "putting a ring on it!"

[chuckles]

Well, Christmas is coming up...

You're still angling for

that 'mistletoe proposal'?

It sounds silly but--

Helen! We've gotten off track...

are there any other

insights you'd like to add,

on what makes a marriage last?

I don't know what

kept Bob and I together,

you know we could always

make each other laugh.

[chuckles]

You must miss him terribly.

Oh, I do.

But it's been two years and

trust me honey, I wore him out.

[chuckles]

Hey.

[indistint conversation]

Our "Adventure Columnist."

HELEN:
Oh, I could go

for an adventure.

NOELLE:
It's hardly journalism.

He basically puts himself into

dumb situations and survives...

The village elder

gave me this box

and he said don't open it!

HELEN:
Is he single?

NOELLE:
(scoffs) He has a

girlfriend "supposedly",

but no one's ever seen her.

HELEN:
He's got that rugged,

"salt of the earth" look.

NOELLE:
He's got that

"I Need A Bath" look.

I can't wait to

get back to work.

Well yes, me either.

-Okay good!

-Alright!

Good luck with your research.

Nobody knows anything.

[sighs]

[splat]

I'm so sorry.

It'spureAmazonian mud.

[sniffs] Ah!

You should smell the aroma!

Great...

So, [nervous chuckle]

there Jessica and I were,

knee-deep in a muddy river bank,

and then we started getting

nipped at by piranhas...

So we leap outta the river

and right into this

giant spider web!

With a spider, I kid you not,

thisbig.

Huge!

But we make it to the trees...

and we start climbing.

Hand over hand, over hand,

until we get to the top.

And that's when we

see the sunrise,

right over the Amazon.

And I proposed!

[chuckles]

...What?!

[Liam chuckles]

FELICIA:
Noelle?

A word?

You've been conducting

this research

for the past three weeks now,

The 'Secret to a

Lasting Marriage'.

Uh huh!

And what have you discovered?

Information...

Lots and lots of information.

This is not one of your quizzes.

This is a feature.

I'd hate to see an

opportunity wasted.

Todd...

We are celebrating!

Only the finest

champagne for tonight.

Celebrating?

I know it's only a few

days before Christmas but...

Yes...?

This is bigger than Christmas.

Yes?

The last holdouts finally sold!

We're going to start

breaking ground next week!

Work was so thrilled,

they promoted me to,

wait for it,

[champagne pops open]

Managing Director!

[Todd chuckles]

[Noelle gasps]

They even got me

this Swiss made, hand-crafted,

incredibly expensive watch!

[sighs]

Ah.

I am way off schedule.

I can't take

that dog anymore!!

Somebody will

adopt him eventually!

You really think someone's

going to waltz in here

and take this nightmare

off our hands?!

NOELLE:
Hello?

Hi!

I heard you have a

Cockapoo available?

We havejustthe pup for you!

MARY:
C'mon

here Monster, c'mon!

Aww!

[gasps]

Oh!

He's perfect.

BOTH:
Umm hmm!

NOELLE:
I'll take him.

BEATRICE:
Yes!!

Are you excited to

meet your Daddy tonight?

Yes you are! Yes you are!

[laughs]

[sighs]

You are finally here.

[puppy whines]

Aww...

N-no, no, no, no!

[gasps]

Oh!

Oh, no!

[puppy barks]

PAM:
Noelle, did you bark?

NOELLE:
Yup! All the kids are

doing it these days.

Woof woof! Hashtag dawg life!

[puppy whines]

[puppy whines]

Well, hello!

Where did you come from?

Aren't you cute? Hello!

Who's dog is that?

...mine?

If she gets to bring her dog,

then I get to bring my cats!

Pam! We have discussed this!

Noelle, it has to go home.

Darn it!

Why doesn't Todd

like mac n cheese?

I can cook that!

Who likes Beef

Wellington anyway? Ugh.

[timer beeps]

[sighs]

Ah!

It's perfect!

Yes!

[puppy barking]

Oh No-no-no-no-no!

Ahh!

[puppy continues to bark]

[Noelle protesting]

[puppy barks]

What... is happening?

Um, Merry Early Christmas?

Um...

With Christmas

approaching and all,

I thought we could be

one big happy family...

But... you know I'm allergic.

He'shypo-allergenic.

TODD:
Oh, great...

NOELLE:
Oh! You are going

to besucha good Dad...

NOELLE (whispers): Now you just

make sure that you're good

so that he can love you, okay?

Sweet dreams!

I can't believe

I finally got a puppy!

Great!

[puppy barks]

NOELLE:
Hey!

[puppy barks]

Come here!

Only for tonight.

Aw...

[laughs]

[thud]

No!

No!!

No!!!

TODD:
No, no, no, no,

not my slippers!

No!

Oh...

My autographed baseball.

This was signed by Tony Robbins!

My Tibetan vase!

My imported Parisian

sofa, all busted!

Maybe we could

call him "Buster"?

[Todd sighs]

[sternly] I can't do this.

[sighs]

Bad boy!

Bad! Boy!

I can train him.

No,

I mean I can't dothis!

What are you saying?

Look,

I'm not ready

to have a family,

or be a 'Daddy'.

So you need more time,

I get it!

No,

I think we need a break.

A break?

What do you mean a break?

Is this because of Buster?

Nope,you'reclearly ready

to take the next step.

I wasn't even sure

about living together.

So you're...

dumping me?

Afterfiveyears?!

[Todd chuckles]

I wouldn't call

it dumpingper se,

it's just, you know...

a break.

So...

What's gonna happen?

Where are you going to live?

Um...

This is my apartment.

So...

[exhales]

[Buster whimpers]

[Buster whimpers]

NOELLE (whispering):

Pleasebe good.

[Buster whimpers]

LIAM:
You okay?

Yeah!

Of course!

There's a... I uh...

a sweet little old couple

waiting by the boardroom-

Oh, really?

Yea, they've been there

for like half an hour.

A sweet little couple?

[forced laugh]

I wonder what kind ofcrappy

advice they have for me today!

[forced laugh]

I guess I'll find out.

[indistinct conversation]

NOELLE:
Hi!

Oh, you're just as pretty

as our granddaughter!

[laughs]

NOELLE:
Oh! [derisive laughs]

You must feel so great,

that you have a family; and

children; and agranddaughter.

Well guess what?

It's all lies.

You stick with someone forever,

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