A Royal Night Out Page #2

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- Hey, baby. How you doing, huh?

- Margaret.

- Clear off, you...

- Relax.

- Come along.

Come with me, ma'am.

He called me baby.

- Champagne, sir?

- Your Royal Highnesses.

We're incognito. Lizzy, Mags.

- Yes, Your Highness.

- We're here for the dancing.

Champagne.

Ma'am.

This way.

Waiter.

Other exits?

This is the only one, sir.

Your guests await you, ma'am.

Guests?

My Lords, ladies and gentlemen,

Her Royal Highness, the Princess Elizabeth

and Her Royal Highness,

the Princess Margaret.

Bloody Mummy.

- Can you see them?

- They're over there, I think.

Hey!

- Hey.

- Time for a quickie, surely, sir.

Burridge. Not tonight, Burridge.

Get back here. Not tonight.

Lord and Lady MacCloud.

Ma'am, just delighted.

Understand there is a visit scheduled

to our Scottish estate.

Your great-grandmama shot with us,

450 grouse in the game-book that day.

Burridge.

Oh, fantastic.

Captain.

Get back where you belong,

Lieutenant Burridge.

We have our own suite

at the railway station.

So looking forward to welcoming

the royal train there once again.

Loosen up, old man.

We can see the door from here.

Hmm?

- Going up?

- Wait. Wait for me.

It's VE night.

Woo-hoo!

Fine.

Oh, it's all right.

Nobody gives a monkey's what I do.

Excuse me.

- Oh.

- I say...

Things are looking up. Come on, poppet.

Oh.

Our polo ponies are the talk of the north,

as I'm sure you will see.

Maybe you'll even ride one of them.

Lady MacCloud, Margaret and I would love...

She must meet my grand-nephew.

He's heir to that part

of Scotland you aren't.

Splendid idea. I'll tell her. Excuse me.

Captain.

Whoa!

Oh!

Hmm.

Stop. Excuse me.

Well, you look marvellous, darling.

Well, yes, I know, but...

I know somewhere

much more exciting. Come with me.

Margaret!

Excuse me.

Oh!

Oh...

- Margaret.

- Oh, just popping down for some air.

One, two,

then I like to throw in a twirl...

- And then one, two, the other way...

- Wait for me!

And then I'll go so...

Margaret!

Oh...

I want to dance all night long.

- Margaret, wait!

- Follow me.

Let's hop on the bus.

Oh!

No!

- Out of the way!

- Ah!

Sorry.

A bus. Excellent.

If you'll be so good, please,

to follow that other bus.

- Hop on!

- Oh.

Shall we move to somewhere

more comfortable, sir?

I can imagine nothing

that will break my sacred trust.

Nothing, sir?

Nothing?

Excuse me. Would you mind?

So kind.

Margaret!

Margaret! Get off the bus, Margaret!

Where is your bus going?

Trafalgar Square!

God!

No! Margaret!

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

When the bus stops, you get off...

Ritz, you got on, wasn't it, dear?

Tuppence, dear.

Sorry. I don't have any money.

Well, you'd better get off, then.

You're making her pay tonight?

There is a war on, you know,

in the Far East.

No money. Who do you think you are?

Come on,

little miss toffee nose, off you go.

I've got it.

Allow me.

Any more fares? No reduction for VE Day.

Only passengers with money allowed.

Thank you. It was very kind of you.

Hmm.

Oh, Margaret.

Oh!

Wait. Wait. Hang on a minute.

Miss.

Your bag.

How do I stop the bus?

- Push that.

- This...

For future reference,

that's not how you get off the bus.

You could hurt somebody.

- Oh, no!

- And your heel's bust.

- Oh!

- Come on.

Ow.

Hurt your hand?

Here.

You're touching me.

Don't worry. My spit's very hygienic.

No, don't.

Quite enough. Thank you very much.

- Show us your papers.

- Come on. It's VE night.

- Let's see 'em.

- Leave him alone.

Well, you'd better

get yourself cleaned up, then.

- Where do I do that?

- This way.

- Papers.

- You must be joking.

Calm down, love.

Come on, let's go down

the Rose and Crown.

- Let's go down to Piccadilly.

- Bloody Red Caps.

Ever so sorry.

I don't know what's come over me.

Excuse me. Coming through.

Mind your backs.

Ring out a song of good cheer

Now's the time to roll the barrel

Yay!

Come along.

Coz the gang's all here

Roll out the barrel

All right, love?

We'll have a barrel of fun

The ladies is over there somewhere.

Which ladies?

Where you can see to that hand,

and your hair and that.

We've got the blues on the run

Zing

Have you seen much action, Lieutenant?

Not quite as much as

I'd have liked, but er...

But hoping to make up for that tonight.

But it was one's duty to serve

in a more secret capacity.

- Really?

- Naval intelligence.

Hush-hush.

- The name's Jeffers.

- How exciting.

Let's go for a splash.

Oh... In the name of...

What is it?

Er... Excuse me.

Telephone call, sir.

Give me the phone.

I've got a lot on my plate here.

Who the hell is this?

The King.

- Er...

- Everything all right, Lieutenant?

Yes, Your Majesty.

- Where's Captain Pryce?

- Indisposed, sir. Comfort break.

The soire's going splendidly, sir.

Princesses Elizabeth and Margaret

are enjoying the company

inside the ballroom, sir.

Good.

Everyone ready and waiting for my speech?

Expectation is enormous, sir.

Do remind the princesses

that I want to hear exactly

what everyone thought.

Hmm?

Exactly.

Erm... Sorry, sir. Terrible connection.

Who was that?

Burridge, reporting in.

Hmm, not Pryce?

Comfort break.

- Is that English?

- Apparently.

Everything all right?

Absolutely.

Can we get on with the bloody thing?

Well...

Here we go.

All right, everybody. Stand by.

Two lovely black eyes

Oh what a surprise

Only for telling a man he was wrong

Two lovely black eyes

Thought I'd lost you.

I really should be going.

The King.

The King.

Mmm.

You were thirsty.

Another?

My sister's gone to Trafalgar Square.

I have to find her.

Pipe down!

Everybody listen!

A little hush for His Majesty.

The speech.

Oh, I'd forgotten.

I'm rather dreading this.

Me too.

At this hour, when the...

dreadful shadow of war

has passed from our hearts and homes,

we may turn our thoughts to the tasks

all over the world, which...

Peace in Europe brings with it.

Today we give thanks to Almighty God

for a great deliverance.

Surrounded by my dear family,

I am speaking to you from London,

our empire's oldest capital city.

What a tosser.

But never for one moment

daunted or dismayed,

let us remember the fallen,

their sacrifice in the face

of a merciless enemy.

- We are proud to have shared...

- Which he'd know all about.

How dare you.

You, little prick,

are being disloyal and abusive

to your sovereign.

- The King is 10 times the man you are.

- He certainly is.

Oh, come on. You're not buying

this load of bollocks, are you?

Shut up. Shut up.

Nobody's gonna make me miserable today.

I've waited too long for it.

Sit down, love.

It is the children of our country...

- The King!

- The King.

The King!

...please God, forever.

Sling your hook.

If you ask me...

Which I wasn't.

You got exactly what you deserved.

Wait!

The King... Excuse me.

The King was trying jolly hard,

as a matter of fact,

to offer words of encouragement...

Well, he jolly well pissed me off.

"Fallen."

That's a nice word for a nasty,

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