A Royal Scandal Page #2

the King of France.

The 15th in that royal succession of Louis

which has adorned the throne of France.

May I add Her Majesty's and my personal wish

that France is blessed with as many Louis

in the future as it has been in the past.

In the name of my sovereign, I thank

Your Excellency for the expression of friendship.

My monarch and the whole French people

unite in respect

for your grand empress,

Her Majesty, Catherine II.

- Vive la Russie!

- Vive la France!

- And how are you, Marquis?

- Bien, merci.

I can't tell you how happy I am

to make your acquaintance.

And how are you, my dear Excellency?

- Frankly, I haven't slept for days.

- Ah?

Our alliance is at stake.

And you, my dear Marquis,

at one of the most important moments

in world history, you waste two days in Warsaw.

Your Excellency is right about the important

moment in history, but wrong about the waste.

I am lover of the dance, and the lady

is the most artistic dancer I have ever seen.

Now that you've practically ruined my health,

at least tell me, who was it?

This must be treated not as diplomatic secret

but really confidential.

- Madame Polonskaya.

- You mean Olga?

- Votre Excellency, vous connaissez Olga?

- Mais, oui.

- Elle est une de mes vieilles amies.

- Non!

- Est-elle aussi jolie qu'autrefois?

- Je rai jamais vu des yeux aussi beaux.

Oh, Olga.

Elle ry en a pas de mme.

Il ry a pas de son comme Olga.

- Olga.

- Olga.

And now, my dear Marquis,

I'll introduce you to Her Majesty immediately.

- You'll escort her to a state banquet.

- A privilege to accompany Mother Russia.

Never address Her Majesty as Mother Russia.

In France,

we always think of her as Mother Russia.

My dear Marquis, you may think of her

as a mother, but don't call her a mother.

About the etiquette.

I wonder if it is the same as in Versailles.

Shall I always keep seven steps' distance

from Her Majesty?

My dear Marquis, you have been sent here

to bring our countries closer together.

Dear Excellency,

I think I know exactly what to do.

Dear Marquis, don't do it. Let Her Majesty take

the first step towards the alliance.

- And I make the second?

- Not even the third.

- In other words, do nothing.

- Right.

But not too early, and not too late.

And, by the way,

Her Majesty hates the wearing of wigs.

Of course, on formal occasions,

it can't be helped.

But in general, Her Majesty,

being a true autocrat,

naturally doesn't believe in

the equality of all men.

And she feels the wig

puts everybody on the same hairline.

Monsieur,

the wig is the essence of our civilisation.

It is the symbol of our century.

It is the rococo of the rococo.

But I will make the grand sacrifice

for the future of humanity.

Believe me, Marquis,

men have gone down in history for less.

Now I'll announce you.

- Where am I?

- How did you get in here?

- Please, take me to Her Majesty!

- Who are you? How did you get in here?

- What's all this about?

- Questions, questions, questions!

Everybody wants to know,

everybody's chasing me,

everybody's arresting me

and Russia's going to pieces.

Russia, my poor Russia.

My dear Marquis, I'm so embarrassed!

A perfect stranger coming out of the wall!

Do not even mention.

In Paris, nothing but secret entrances.

Only the husbands and servants

use the regular doors.

In the salon of Madame de Paris,

the best people come out of the bookshelves.

- Do you know what's going on in Russia?

- No, but I'd like to know.

No, I can't tell you.

It's only for Her Majesty's ears.

See, this is the first time I've ever been at court.

All this is unfamiliar to me.

I don't know who you are, but please help me.

Look, I'll give you everything I have. Here are

50 roubles. Please take me to Her Majesty.

You can't bribe the Chancellor of Russia!

Not with 50 roubles.

You're the Chancellor?

The man everybody says is ruining Russia?

- You're from the east.

- No, the west.

How things do get around. It's amazing.

- Now, look here, young man...

- Your Excellency!

- Alexei! Darling!

- Anna! Sweetheart!

- Monsieur, I don't know what to think.

- I do.

How did you get here?

What happened?

Why did you leave...? When did you leave?

How did you meet His Excellency?

Oh, come tell me everything.

I can understand

your not having confidence in me,

after all, I'm only the Chancellor,

but she's your fiance.

- Ask him why he wants to see Her Majesty.

- Her Majesty?

- You want to see Her Majesty?

- Anna, you know I love you, but...

- Is something wrong, Alexei?

- I don't want you involved.

- I don't want any harm to come to you.

- What is it all about?

- Is it a military matter?

- Yes. And no.

- Is it yes, or is it no?

- It's more an affair of state.

Affair of state? Do you understand these things?

A very sound question, Anna.

Just a moment!

Close those doors and keep them guarded!

And if the lieutenant tries to escape,

use your rifles.

- You're a lucky young man.

- Please forgive him, Your Excellency.

If I werert so fond of Anna,

I'd deal differently with you.

I'm not thinking about myself.

I'm only thinking of Russia.

Nobody asked you to think!

Stop taking yourself so seriously.

You are the most impolite, rude young man

I've ever met.

Your lovely fiance asked you

a perfectly sensible and civil question.

- What do you answer? "I love you. "

- But I do love her!

And I love you too, believe me, but...

- Oh!

- What's wrong now?

I forgot to tell you, Your Excellency.

Her Majesty's expecting you immediately.

All right, Anna.

- And don't you dare move.

- He won't, Your Excellency.

Please forgive him for being so stubborn

and unruly. He's been impossible.

That's what I like about him.

But don't move!

- And now, my dear Marquis...

- Please, Your Excellency,

will you announce me to Her Majesty

before somebody drops from the chandelier?

Come.

Good morning, Your Majesty.

I hope Your Majesty rested well.

And may I add that Your Majesty

is looking beautiful this morning.

That doesn't by any means imply that

Your Majesty doesn't always look beautiful.

What I'm trying to say is that Your Majesty

looks extremely beautiful this morning.

Shut up. I look awful.

I feel rotten and I slept abominably.

And if you don't know it,

you bribed the wrong people.

- Yes, Your Majesty.

- Shut up.

Come here, Nicolai Illytch.

- We have a secret fund, haven't we?

- Yes, Your Majesty.

For secret purposes.

I assure Your Majesty,

I've always kept it strictly secret.

Is it possible that sometimes you

not only keep the secret, but also the money?

- Does Your Majesty imply that I am stealing?

- Yes.

That, I most emphatically deny.

I've carried out Your Majesty's orders

to do everything for the welfare of the people.

It may be that, once in a while,

I included myself with the people.

Nicolai Illytch, if all these accusations are true,

you'll have to be shot.

Five times.

Why doesn't Your Majesty investigate?

I'm afraid you might be guilty, Nicolai.

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