A Serbian Film

A SERBIAN FILM:

Directed by Srdjan Spasojevic

Baby, I'm gonna f*** you up!

Are you insane?

Haven't we agreed about

putting away your flicks?

What's that?

Give it to mommy.

Sorry, but it's

not a big deal.

I saw my first porn

when I was his age.

How are you, kiddo?

But your dad wasn't

starring in it!

Maria, I'm sorry

I didn't mean it.

I dug up that DVD because...

Laylah called and

wanted to see me today.

Baby, you want mommy

to make you a toast?

The jumping bread!

Mom, what was dad

doing there?

Nothing, hon.

Just playing with a girl friend.

It's like a cartoon

for the grownups.

Honey, I have to pay

for Petar's singing lessons.

Bye, dad.

- Bye, dad.

Easy on that whiskey.

Rye kills sexual appetite.

That's why I drink it.

So, how's family life?

- Nice.

How are Petar and... Maria?

Yes, Maria.

They're fine.

Next year Petar's

starting school.

It'll be interesting

when they ask about

his father's occupation.

His father is a fine gentleman

in a premature retirement.

The problem with that pension

is that it's not lifelong.

How much do you have

stashed? 5 or 10 grand?

Milos, you were more

than just a porn star

you were an artist.

All actresses you worked with

wanted to marry you.

You're still an artist,

but with a temporary block.

And I'm your guardian angel.

Listen.

Something big is about to

happen. Artistic pornography

of the highest level.

Here, in Serbia.

In Serbia? -Only filmed here,

but for the foreign market.

Terribly professional.

Phenomenally paid. If you accept

your family will be settled

till the end of Petar's life.

The man's name is Vukmir.

He'll call you in a few days.

Be nice to him.

Here's something for the junior.

Wow, where's his p*ssy?

You didn't tell me you brought

your copper bro to the meeting.

I came on my own. I knew you'd

be here and couldn't miss

a chance to see you.

I'm your great admirer.

You're well preserved.

Who's the plastic surgeon

we have to thank to?

You know I started early.

I don't need plastic yet.

Everybody needs it.

These don't

So long, fags.

Milos, you heard my advice.

A hooker!

- A porn star.

Has-been.

You know the kind of work

she did after you married?

I know.

No one could handle

a dick like she could.

A natural talent.

Funny she hasn't

contacted her dealer

in the past few years.

Is she off drugs?

Doubtful. A new,

rich provider, more likely.

You'll alienate me

from my friends

if you keep checking on them.

Friends, in Serbia?

You can't check them enough.

I gotta go.

Say hello to your kid

and his beautiful mom.

I'm paying for the bite.

So long.

- Bye.

Sleeping time, hands up.

Dad?

- Yes?

Know that friend of yours

that you were

beating in the video

It's only a movie. Make believe.

When dad was young.

I know, but while

I was watching it

I felt something

strange. - What?

Like some kind

of a wheel, spinning.

A wheel? Where?

- Down there, near my willie.

Several of them,

like a family, traveling.

Do they live in me?

They do, hon, in all of us.

We all have them.

Everyone in the world?

- Yes, everyone.

They're gone now,

so close your eyes

think of them and

you'll fall asleep faster.

What language is that?

I'm translating

for some Swedes.

Swedish? I'm great in it.

That's right.

Wait, I know more.

Listen to this.

You would be a mega star.

So, you say Laylah is

offering you a serious job?

So she said.

It's strange.

Why would anyone

offer me big money

after such a long pause?

In Serbia?

And after all the crap

I shot, look at this.

Maybe they need

the only porn star

a university diploma.

Do you miss it?

What?

- The job.

I don't know. No.

I miss the money so we could

escape away from here.

All those poor girls

you threw away like condoms...

How come you've never

done me like them?

Well, I love you.

I've just f***ed them.

Does it mean that you

never wanted to f*** me?

Am I talking to the

Balkan sex god.

Nikola Tesla of

world pornography?

You must be Vukmir?

Of course. Milos, if you're

ready to change your life

right now and provide

your family for good

a car will be waiting

at your door in 30 minutes.

You just hop in, and take

a ride towards fulfillment

of your personal and

my professional fantasies.

Can't wait to meet you!

I'm honored to shake hands

to such an artist, I'm Vukmir.

I'm Milos, nice to meet you.

Right hand is the

sex center in any man,

It's direct line between

your brain and cock.

Ever since you childhood.

Your hand is special

for it has jerked

such a special cock.

Milos, it's an honor

to shake a hand

to such an artist of f***.

Pornography is art,

but people can't see that!

Why not?

Because they just want

to jizz into a napkin

what they can't

into a woman.

These movies are

mostly made so that

those who can't

get laid can cum.

They're made by butchers

who can't tell a camera

from a broom.

Their 'actors' would be

f***ing a hole

in the wall if there

were no p*ssy.

Do you know

what proves that

there is art in pornography?

What?

You, Milos.

You are the proof!

Your sense of handling

a woman, your rhythm

of exhausting her,

your talent to humiliate her,

and then, when she is reduced

to a dog-sh*t, to win her back.

And your love for it,

that's art.

Sadly, this is

no country for real art.

Where there is no life,

there can't be real art.

A real talent will rot here,

while maggots

are giving press conferences.

Have you done anything

I could've seen?

I'm doing stuff

that no one else is.

Just for the selected clients.

All right, but what is it?

Art, naked art!

Truth.

Real people, real situations,

real sex...

minimal editing.

There's a serious script.

We know it, you don't!

And what am I

supposed to do?

The same as always, Milos.

Just stand before the cameras,

whip out your cock,

and f*** until it's raw.

I dunno, I'm a little tired

of cameras and f***ing.

You're also tired of

humping scum

any time your family

needs money.

Kissing some

wretched c*nts

with the same lips

you'd kiss your kid.

Thanks, doctor.

What's that?

- The contract.

No need to read all,

just the numbers.

Something wrong?

I don't know what I'm

signing, what I'm shooting.

You're not supposed to know.

If you knew,

you wouldn't be so good.

In a winter night

way up the hill

A creek was frozen

and covered by the snow.

A bunny's weeping

for that frozen creek

young bunny's crying

with all his heart.

But poor li'l bunny

there upon the hill

perhaps he' after the swallows

heading for a warmer South.

Vukmir! Sounds like a name

of one of your guys

at the Hague tribunal.

Are you sure he's not

an arms dealer?

No, he's some kind of

an artist philosopher

with a grand plan.

So, is it grand?

Dunno, but seems like he

desperately needs me

since he's willing

to offer such cash.

How much?

I won't tell you.

Yes you will,

or I'm not giving it back.

OK, I'll tell you,

just let go.

Don't tell me you refused?

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