A Serious Man Page #11

GOPNIK KITCHEN:

We hear the front door being flung open and slammed shut, and in the background foyer

Danny appears, panting heavily. His mother and sister eat soup in the foreground. His

sister has a towel wrapped turbanlike around her head. One hand keeps the turban in

place as she tilts her head down for the soup.

Danny

We eating already?

Sarah

I’m going to The Hole.

Danny sits at the place set across from his sister. He picks up his spoon.

Some movement in Sarah’s body; Danny recoils from a kick.

Danny

Ow! Cut it out!

Judith

What’s going on?

The siblings slurp soup, neither answering.

After a couple of slurps:

. . . Isn’t Dad eating?

Judith

He’s at the Jolly Roger.

Danny

Oh yeah.

More slurping.

FADE OUT:

SIEGLESTEIN, SCHLUTZ

In a small windowless conference room lined by shelves filled with law reference books,

Larry rises to greet Don Milgram, entering.

Larry

Don.

Don

How are you, Larry, Jesus, I am so sorry to be seeing you

under these circumstances.

Larry

Oh, well. . .

Don

I always thought you and Judy were rock solid. This is so

terrible, Larry. This is devastating.

Larry

Well, the way I look at it, it’s an opportunity for me to

really sit down and figure things out, and, and, look at the

world afresh instead of just, you know, settling for the

routine, tired old way of looking at things.

Don Milgram stares at him.

Don

. . . Really?

Larry

(deflating)

I don’t know. Maybe not.

Don

Well, legally, I have to warn you, it’s never easy for the

husband. Unless, of course, there’s some question of the

wife having violated the marriage contract.

Larry

Oh no, nothing like that. She’s planning to marry Sy

Ableman, but they—

Oh no, nothing like that. She’s planning to marry Sy

Ableman, but they—

Don

Sy Ableman!

Larry

Yes, but they—

Don

Esther is barely cold!

Larry

She passed three years ago.

Don

Well, okay, still—this changes the complexion, Larry! Sy

Ableman!

Larry

Not in the sense that. . . there hasn’t been hanky-panky. To

my knowledge.

Don

Oh.

Larry

No. I’m fairly certain this is not an issue. And in fact they,

uh, Judith wants a Gett.

Beat. Don stares blankly at Larry.

Larry clears his throat.

. . . A ritual divorce.

Don

Oh.

Larry

So that they can remarry in the faith—

Don

Uh-huh, sure, not really a legal matter. Okay. Well. My

goodness. How are the children taking it?

Uh-huh, sure, not really a legal matter. Okay. Well. My

goodness. How are the children taking it?

Larry

Oh, they’re very. . .

He gropes.

. . . resilient.

Don

Good. Well. On the other thing, the neighbor’s property

line, I’ve asked Solomon Schlutz to take a look. There’s

very little having to do with real estate that’ll get by Sol.

Larry

Okay. Good. How do you—I guess I’m a little worried,

how do you, I have money pressures and—

Don

Our fee structure? We bill by the hour. Dave Sieglestein

and Solomon Schlutz bill at a hundred and ten, the associates,

me for instance, bill at—

A secretary sticks her head in.

Secretary

A call for Mr. Gopnik. Danny. At home.

Larry

Danny?!

Don

You can take it here.

Secretary

Oh-eight-oh-nine.

Larry punches a button on a row of four on the conference-room telephone.

Larry

Danny?!

Voice

Dad?

Larry

Are you all right? Are you all—is everything—

Voice

F Troop is fuzzy.

Larry

. . . What?

Voice

F Troop is still fuzzy.

Larry stares.

Don

Everything okay?

y?!

Voice

Dad?

Larry

Are you all right? Are you all—is everything—

Voice

F Troop is fuzzy.

Larry

. . . What?

Voice

F Troop is still fuzzy.

Larry stares.

Don

Everything okay?

DAWN AT THE JOLLY ROGER

Wide on the motel room, weakly lit by sun starting to seep in around the curtain.

Larry sleeps in one of the twin beds; Uncle Arthur snores in the other.

Uncle Arthur’s breath trips and tangles on an impeded inhale and it wakes him, gagging.

He blinks, sits up, swings his legs out, gazes blearily around the room.

He rises stiffly and heads for the bathroom.

Larry stirs and looks blearily around.

He stiffly rises. He takes the two steps across the room to the formica desk on which are

spread papers for his class. As we hear the sucking sound of the neck evacuator starting

up in the bathroom, Larry sweeps papers together and mechanically stuffs his briefcase.

CAR:

Larry drives hollow-eyed to work-eyed to work.

After a long beat of staring, the ka-ching of a bicycle bell.

Larry’s eyes widen and his head swivels, tracking as he overtakes and passes:

The bicyclist. A young Asian man wearing a white traffic-mask.

Larry looks at him in the rear-view.

Larry

Clive!

He frantically pumps down his window, shouting:

. . . Clive! You gonna send your mother next?! You little

bastard! I wanna see you! I wanna—

Crash.

He has rear-ended a car stopped at a light.

A blaring horn, a quick second crash of wrenching steel and spattering glass: he has been

rear-ended in turn.

The ka-ching of the bicycle. Clive Park cycles past.

BLEGEN HALL:

Larry enters the outer office, hugging his paper-stuffed briefcase to his chest.

The secretary crooks her phone into her shoulder.

Secretary

Oh—Professor Gopnik. It’s Dick Dutton again.

Larry

(blank)

Dick Dutton.

LARRY’S OFFICE

He sits in and picks up the phone.

Larry

Hello?

Voice

Hello, Mr. Gopnik, this is Dick Dutton from the Columbia

Record Club. I’m calling because it is now, what, four

months and we have yet to receive your first payment.

Larry

I—there’s some mistake. I’m not a member of the

Columbian Record Club.

Voice

Sir, you are Lawrence Gopnik of 1425 Flag Avenue South?

Larry

No, I live at the Jolly Roger.

Voice

Excuse me?

Larry

No, I—well, yes, okay.

Voice

Yes you are Lawrence Gopnik?

Larry

Okay.

Voice

Okay means. . .

Larry

Okay, yes, Lawrence Gopnik, yes.

Voice

Okay, well, you received your twelve introductory albums

and you have been receiving the monthly main selection for

four months now—

Larry

“The monthly main selection?” Is that a record? I didn’t

ask for any records.

“The monthly main selection?” Is that a record? I didn’t

ask for any records.

Voice

To receive the monthly main selection you do nothing.

You—

Larry

That’s right! I haven’t done anything!

Voice

Yes, that’s why you receive the monthly main selection.

The last—

Larry

But I—

Voice

The last one was Santana Abraxis. You—

Larry

I didn’t ask for Santana Abraxis!

Voice

You request the main selection at the retail price by doing

nothing. It’s automatically mailed to you. Plus shipping

and handling. You’re about to—

Larry

I can’t afford a new record every month! I haven’t asked

for—

Voice

You’re about to get Cosmo’s Factory, sir. The June main

selection. And you haven’t—

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