A Simple Plan Page #6

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Well...

I can come off a little bit

like an a**hole.

You think?

No, come on.

Yeah. Oh, no, no, no! No.

I know what

I'm talking about.

But f*** it. Ha ha.

Yeah.

It's all in

the past, right?

What do you say?

Come on.

Sounds good

to me.

Hell, yes.

Live and let live.

Live and

let live.

I gotta take a leak.

Don't look at me

like that.

Whoo!

Jerk!

What, you think

that's funny?

Ahh!

Ahh, what, huh?

I'm asking you,

You think it's

funny tripping a guy

On the way to

the f***ing can?

Look, buddy-

Oh, don't buddy me!

What the-

See, that right here

is my buddy.

This guy right

here is my buddy.

You're not my f***ing

buddy, huh, you got it?

Come on up here.

Come on up here.

I'll kill-come on!

Come on.

Come on.

It's not

worth it.

Come on out here,

right out in front.

I'll paint you up and down

the f***ing sidewalk,

Motherf***er!

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, shut

the f*** up, Ray!

Get out, a**hole!

You know what? You-

you sh*t in one hand.

You better get

the f*** out of here!

Lou:
So, listen,

if you got to pee,

Pee out here.

Lou:
So-so anyway,

This one guy, see,

he steps forward

And he says, uh,

He says,

"you know what?

"the guy was OK

"until we twisted

his head back around,

And then he just

f***ing died on us. "

You get it?

Get it?

Hey,

I got one.

Ah, sh*t.

This old drunk

was telling jokes

To his 2 drunk friends,

And he was

keeping up his wife,

Who, unlike him, had a job

to go to in the morning.

So, see, she gets

so f***ing fed up,

She comes downstairs

and she says,

"if he doesn't shut up,

"he's gonna have to find

some other place

To live rent-free. "

Do you get that one?

No, listen, babe-

Get it, guys?

Hey, baby,

come on, now.

We're just drinking.

Come on, what

are you waiting for?

I don't want to

be here all night?

Let's get this over with.

I won't do it, Hank.

What?

It's not fair.

We had a deal.

It's not right.

It's not right.

Ah, dummy up.

Better just keep it

down a little bit.

Don't say anything.

Oh, sh*t, oh, sh*t,

oh, sh*t.

What the f***'s wrong

with you, Hank?

Do you see this?

You see the way

this boy drinks?

You see Hank take a

drink of that whiskey?

It's like-it's like...

Ha ha ha ha.

Like-like in,

you know, like-

What is it like-

Like some kind

of commercial-

Ha ha ha ha.

For preparation h

of the mouth?

Like he lives

on primrose lane?

You look like

Some goddamn bird

or something.

You gonna start

playing big brother now,

Teach me how to

drink my whiskey?

Ha ha ha ha.

Did you ever see anybody

drink like that before?

No, to tell you

the truth,

I don't believe

I've ever seen

Anybody drink

like that before.

I don't-I don't

drink like that,

My dad didn't

drink like that.

Uh-oh.

You know, we don't have

one thing in common,

Me and him,

Except maybe

our last name.

You're more

like a brother to me

Than he is.

Oh! Ha ha ha.

Do-do him

crossing the field.

Ha ha ha ha.

Do it.

He won't care.

Come on,

You don't care,

do you, Hank, huh?

Crossing the field?

Uh, crossing the field.

Lou:

get up, get up!

Do like you

did that night,

The snow,

he had...

It's just like, uh,

say, what was it?

OK.

And-and-the way

it starts out

Like he's walking across, like,

that f***ing, like, uh,

Like he's a quail

or some sh*t.

Hey! Ha ha ha ha.

Ha ha ha ha.

Hey, guys, come on,

you know-

Hey, wait up,

wait up.

Wait for me.

I- I-I'm

not dressed right.

You're only wearing

your pissy little loafers.

You know?

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Do him when-

do him when

The crow

flies out

And-and pecks

him in the head.

That's good.

No, that's f***ed up.

It's like-

that was like...

Ha ha ha ha.

You know...

The f***ing thing

wasn't electric, sh*t.

Ha ha ha ha.

You know,

We shouldn't-

we shouldn't ever

Let him keep that money.

Ha ha ha ha.

No, I'm not shitting.

We shouldn't-we shouldn't

have done that.

We should have never

let him keep that money.

Look how he's

looking at us,

Like he's f***ing better

and everything.

Like-like-like

you own us or something.

I think we've all

had too much to drink.

Let's call it a night.

You're gonna keep the

money and sh*t, you know.

Let's all go home.

That's what-that's what you

wanted, wasn't it, Hank?

You wanted me

to pick sides.

Isn't that

what you said?

What are you

talking about?

Yeah, you know-you know-

you know what-

You know what

he's going to do?

He's gonna-he's gonna

crawl into Carl's office

Like-like, on his belly

like a f***ing snake.

He's gonna

end up confessing.

You know what,

you're right.

I bet you would rat on us

just to get off the hook,

Now, wouldn't ya?

Take-take me home,

man. Let's go.

I don't want

to stay here.

I gotta get home.

No, huh,

you know what? Wait.

Come on, take home.

Uh, no! We got-we got

something else for you, Hank.

I tell you what?

Let's do this.

Let's do-let's do

more playacting,

And let's do it where he-

Where Hank confesses, OK,

To Carl, all right?

This is gonna be cool.

You be-and you be Hank

and I'll be Carl. No.

No, you do-you do it.

You go out and be Hank,

Like you'd knock

on Carl's door.

I can't do

anything like him.

But when you're f***ed up,

you're funny as sh*t.

Come on, do it.

OK.

And you're knocking

on the door-

OK.

And I'm, like, sitting

here doing paperwork

And dumb ass comes in, OK?

Dumb ass comes in with his

tail between his legs, OK?

OK, here,

I'm coming in.

You ready?

Jacob:
OK.

Hello?

Carl...

It's Hank Mitchell.

Well, hey, Hank,

how you doing?

Hey, how you doing?

Jacob:

sit-sit down.

I need to

talk to you.

Yeah, OK, what about?

It's about

Dwight Stephanson.

Yeah?

He didn't die

in an accident.

What are you

talking about?

No, no, I killed him.

Jacob:
You killed

Dwight Stephanson?

That's right.

I suffocated him

with his own scarf,

And then I just shoved

him off the bridge

Into anders creek.

I made it look

like an accident.

Well, why would you

do something like that?

That-that's OK. We don't

really want to hear that.

$4 1/2 million...

is worth a hell of

a lot more to me

than some

old man's life.

All right,

that's enough.

I'm up to the part

where you're gonna agree

To testify

against us, OK?

Can I just do that?

Come on-

Lou's voice:
I killed him.

Jacob's voice:
You

killed Dwight Stephanson?

Lou's voice:
That's right.

I suffocated him

with his own scarf,

And then I just shoved

him off the bridge

Into Anders Creek.

You taped this?

Lou's voice:
I made it

look like an accident.

Well, why would you

do that, Hank?

It's your confession.

It's you saying how you

killed Dwight Stephanson.

Nobody's going

to believe that.

I mean-I mean,

it's obvious

I'm just kidding

around on there,

Isn't it, Jacob?

Why-why would

anybody believe it?

I mean, let's just

think about this.

If-if you and I

Both go into Carl's office

tomorrow afternoon

And we both claim the other

killed Dwight Stephanson,

Who-who do you think he's

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