A Slight Case of Murder Page #6

Well, I hadn't been back from Europe

for two days...

when I was stopped for speeding

in Westchester.

- Did you beat the rap?

- I beg your pardon?

Never mind. Skip it. Go on.

Well, that gave me the idea.

And I went to see a friend of mine

who's an officer and...

You mean, you have friends

that are policemen, too?

And here I am.

Well, I think that's grand.

And, darling, that uniform

is wonderfully becoming on you.

Why, I'll fall in love with you

all over again.

By the way, Mrs. Marco,

Dad's very anxious for me...

to bring Mary over to the hotel tonight

for dinner so he can meet her.

Certainly. And after

you've untied your bibs...

bring him back over here

to meet Mary's old man.

Thanks.

Personally, I can't tell you

how happy I am about you and Mary.

I'm pretty happy myself.

Mary's father will be tickled to death.

Have you any other clothes with you?

No, I'm just here overnight on leave.

I was thinking of your father.

He doesn't like uniforms.

He's a pacifist.

Well, if father doesn't like uniforms,

it's time he learned.

I like it, and that's enough.

Well, why not let me meet him

and see what happens?

Oh, well, he's not in now.

He went to work for half an hour.

He's gone out calling on some neighbors.

Well, I'll see you later.

It'll be very interesting

to have a policeman right in the family.

I hope.

Honey, how about you and I

having a few minutes alone together...

before we meet anybody else?

Darling, if you hadn't said that,

I was just getting ready to sock you.

Michael, what's the idea?

Mr. Marco said that, if this prize package

misbehaves, to cut a switch.

Why ain't he in B-E-D?

Because I want more to E-A-T,

you old C-O-W.

Mrs. Marco, I think this boy is a mistake.

In spades.

Is that room upstairs,

the one those parties left, in order?

Yeah, I scattered some rugs around it

and it looks okay.

Well, then take Little Lord Fauntleroy

up to it and put him to bed.

I ain't sleepy. I think I'll go out

to a pool parlor for a while.

You will in a pig's eye.

Grab him, Michael, and carry him upstairs.

Hey, cut it... Cut it...

What are you doing anyway?

Hey, take your hands off me,

you big lop-ear! I'm gonna...

Cut it out! I'll brain you!

What are you doing, anyway?

Hey, lay off me, you mug!

Hey, take it easy! I'll go to bed.

Now you're talking sense.

Put him down, Michael.

And I'll put out some pajamas for him.

Why do I want pajamas for?

I'm wearing my underwear.

Hey, scram, will you? I'm going to bed.

For crying out loud, take it easy!

Darling, I hate to break this up...

but if I'm going to meet your father,

I think we'd better start.

Let him wait a few minutes.

And make a bad impression?

No, sir, I'll get my things.

- Think you'll wait here alone for a second?

- I'll try, but I'll suffer.

Silly. Goodbye.

Mike, you missed it.

Say, you should've been along with us.

We ain't had so much fun since we shot up

Little Dutch's headquarters.

It was better than a circus.

You should've seen

how we planted No-Nose Cohen.

Say, that was a pip.

Can you imagine Jake Schultz

when he opens that door...

and No-Nose Cohen falls in on him?

Will his face be red, eh?

Mike, you want to get Lefty

to tell you all about it.

Oh, boy.

Well, we pulled up to the Schultz place,

and by this time, No-Nose is a little stiff.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, I wish I could be there to see it.

Oh, good evening. Are you Mr. Marco?

- What about it?

- Well, I'm Dick Whitewood.

Say, are you in this house

on any business?

- No, sir, I came here to see...

- Well, then get out of here.

You boys have got plenty of crust

walking into an honest man's house.

I don't have to stand for any coppers

around me now.

- Mr. Marco, you don't understand...

- I understand everything I have to.

You ain't got anything on me...

- and you don't belong here.

- Yes, but...

Come on, now.

Get your hat and get out of here.

I ought to smack you

just for old time's sake.

- Father, listen, this is Dick Whitewood...

- I don't care who he is.

I don't want any coppers prowling

around this joint. Now, get out of here.

Remy, Remy. Nix, nix, that's Mary's feller.

What?

This is Mr. Whitewood, Father.

My father, Dick.

Pleased to meet you, Mr. Marco.

Come on, now. Take it easy.

Remy, we got a little surprise for you.

Now, don't get excited.

Mr. Whitewood here and Mary

are engaged.

What? Engaged? To him? Since when?

Why wasn't I told about this?

Well, I tried to tell you

all the way up from New York.

They met in Paris.

Mary told me all about the family.

They're all right.

Thank you, Mrs. Marco.

- You mean, she met this copper?

- He wasn't a copper then.

Remy, give yourself a chance

to become acquainted with Dick...

before jumping to conclusions.

What's he trying to do,

make a sucker out of somebody?

Coming around here dressed up like that,

scaring people.

But he really is a flatfoot... I mean, officer.

Ain't it wonderful?

Say, now, what is this?

I can take a joke as well as anybody.

What is it?

Is he a copper, or isn't he a copper?

Listen, Remy.

I told Dick

when we became engaged in Paris...

that I couldn't marry a man

who didn't work...

no matter how much money he had.

So he came home and joined

the state police, and I think it's wonderful.

Oh, it's phenomenal.

Why don't you children run off

to the hotel...

and have your dinner with Dick's father?

I'll square the beef here.

Come on, Dick. Let's give Remy

a chance to get used to the idea.

Michael? Michael?

Well, we'll see you later.

I'll bring my dad over.

Tell the old gent... I mean, tell your father

how eager we are to meet him.

- What do you want?

- The door.

- Who, me?

- Yes, you, you lug.

- We'll be back later, Mother.

- Right, dear.

- Bye-bye.

- Goodbye.

So that's what Europe has done for her.

Now, Remy, she didn't know anything

about him becoming a copper.

It was entirely the boy's own idea.

Yeah, but she stood up for him, didn't she?

She doesn't think for a minute

that I'm gonna let her marry a copper?

Why, we'd never be able

to hold our heads up again.

Why, you cluck, you're on the side

of law and order yourself now.

Well, sure, I'm legit.

I'm in favor of law and order...

but you don't have to have it

right in your own house, do you?

- I won't stand for it.

- Remy, you stop shooting off your mouth.

This boy's coming back here tonight...

- and he's bringing his father.

- I don't...

And you're gonna be nice to them.

- We gotta think of Mary.

- I hate to tell you what I think of her now.

This job is only a whim on Dick's part.

He won't stick at it.

Now, come on. Have your dinner.

You'll feel better.

Come on.

Do you think he gets a pleasure

out of just arresting people?

You know, there are coppers in this world

just like that.

If this legit stuff keeps up much longer,

I'm gonna kiss you guys goodbye...

and spend the rest of my days

in the old ladies' home.

Cheer up. I hit the boss

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