A Star Is Born Page #3

By the time he pays his agent's fees,

business management, expenses, dues...

What does the government

want from him?

$186,654.32.

Come on, John.

You're getting to be a cosmic joke.

Come on, enough is enough.

John, I've had inexhaustible patience.

Come on, man, I've kept my temper.

I've left you alone to do as you please.

Now you've got to help.

I can put you into the Indian Relief Benefit,

if you get there on time.

The promoters don't give a sh*t.

They'll put you in anything,

if they can make a buck.

- Who the hell is that?

- John Norman Howard...

an oldie but a goodie on KLAX.

Hey, John Norman...

- Wait a minute, Bebe Jesus.

- Bebe Jesus.

Hey, big John, why don't you

come down and rap with us, man...

on our All-time Top 40 weekend?

Three of which

are John Norman Howard's.

Platinum Planet played by Bebe Jesus!

50,000 watts of KLAX power, man.

- John Norman, up here.

- John!

Don't shoot, big John.

Hey, man, we're on your side, man.

Don't do it!

See that?

You crazy bastard.

48 straight hit-making hours and not once

am I gonna mention your name.

Sh*t face!

Very funny, Howard.

Hello, police?

I need to report a sniper.

A sniper.

That's an unknown person who fires a gun.

God damn it,

I don't know how many shots he fired.

He just fired at us. That's all.

I'm Bobby Ritchie.

John Norman Howard's road manager.

I love it here in Hollywood,

it's so much fun.

Honey.

- You, the one on the right.

- Which one?

The kinky-headed one. Yeah, you.

You're too strong anyway,

pull it down some.

- Okay, listen, one more time, okay?

- Okay.

I know it's funny, but we need the money.

- Take 7.

- We got the first part, let's do a pick up.

Girls, we've already got the first part,

so let's just pick it up from:

- "Kittens have to chew."

- Okay.

- It's "Love to chew."

- "Love to chew."

"That kittens love to chew."

"That kittens love to chew."

- Right. Yes, sir.

- Got it, all right.

Rolling.

Meow Chow cat food commercial, Take 7.

I'm hungry.

This is terrible, you can't...

How do you think the old cats feel?

Forget about that. Just get rid of her.

Okay, girls, Take 10.

Try to pull yourselves together.

- Okay.

- We don't have time for this.

Get rid of her.

- What's the matter? What's wrong?

- I always crack up when I'm sad.

Okay, girls, thank you. That's it.

I'm sorry.

I'm allergic to cats anyway.

- See you later.

- Okay.

I got a phone in here.

I can have a cop in here in a minute.

I'm sorry.

Who gives a rat's ass?

You took a shot at me, man.

My lawyers are talking about it.

Okay. What the hell is it?

KLAX with Bebe Jesus.

You'll never guess

who just walked in here...

with his hat in his hand.

I'm not even going to mention his name

on the air.

But his lawyers told him he better

get on the right side of Bebe Jesus...

because Bebe don't take no jive...

from no burned-out superstar.

- Who needs him?

- I said I'm sorry.

Oh, he says he's sorry.

Can't bite no more, but he still can lick.

Why don't you take this...

sh*t, or whatever it is, out of my office.

Because I don't take nothing from you.

I don't take your bribe.

And I'll tell you why...

because you are a rude...

joyless, burned-out...

spoiled pain in the ass!

And we're bored by you.

Stop that son of a b*tch!

Get a cop down here, man.

This f***er's crazy, get a cop down here!

You son of a b*tch! F***er!

Send the bill to my business manager.

He'll lose his money.

Came in the studio and went berserk.

He never had a woman

he didn't send away screaming.

Who told you that?

Nobody told me. I read it

at the check stand at the supermarket.

But he's cute.

Look, guys, I'll see you later, okay?

- There he is.

- Speak of the devil.

- Excuse me.

- Where did you go?

Everywhere you go

fighting breaks out and things get broken.

Have you noticed that?

I called you eight times.

How come you never called me back?

- Excuse me.

- How come you never called me back?

I tried three times.

The fourth time,

I got a disconnected number.

What do you mean?

Oh, Jesus! Hey, what's the date?

Oh, God.

They change my phone every six weeks,

because I get all these whacko calls.

Listen, I'm really glad you're okay.

And I'd like to wish you lots of luck,

because you'll need it.

Wait a minute.

It'll never work. I'm a non-violent person.

- We got so many things to talk about.

- I don't think so.

Yeah, we do. I need to know some things.

I don't even know

your Social Security number.

You could've reached me

if you'd wanted to. I'm real easy to reach.

All you got to do

is call my public relations man...

he calls my agent, my agent calls

my business manager...

who calls my personal manager,

he calls the secretary...

who makes a list and gives it to me

in a green folder every other Tuesday.

- Which you never open.

- Which I give unopened to my PR man.

To handle.

- It's my birthday today.

- What?

It's my birthday. I can't handle it.

Let's run away.

Or meet my mother, or marry me.

Sure, maybe when you need a tambourine

I get to shake it.

Maybe.

Esther...

I want you.

I don't want to lose you again.

Is today really your birthday?

You just changed the subject again.

Where's the hearse?

Come on.

I bought it

because it looked so much like you.

- What do you mean?

- Fast and out of my league.

One of the privileges of wealth?

- Calm them down.

- I ain't getting out.

Hold them, Mo.

- Hi.

- Hi. How are you?

Can't you guys be more friendly?

Don't be afraid.

Come on, boys, we got company.

See how they listen to me?

Don't be scared, they're harmless.

You like living like this?

Like what?

How many rooms are you

crammed into here?

I don't know exactly.

This is a funny place.

Yeah, I haven't got it all together yet.

Wow!

What are you planning here?

A skating rink, or what?

It's going to be a studio.

This is wild.

You can throw

your own block party, indoors.

We're going to record here.

If we ever get the acoustics right.

Well, as long as you're having fun in it.

Otherwise, I'd get rid of it.

Yeah, that's what I'd do.

They tell me it's an investment.

When you want to eat,

you order in some deli?

Chinese takeout, mostly.

- Are you an alcoholic?

- Probably.

You could have used

some vocational guidance.

Well, what did I do wrong?

You're living in a million-dollar slum.

Why do you do that?

What were you, rich or poor?

You're cute.

You are f***ing cute.

Who are you, Esther Hoffman?

Where did you come from?

There are so many rooms here.

This is a great house for people

who never want to see each other.

Come on, I'll give you a tour.

Where are the phones? No phones?

There's one out by the pool,

when I need it.

I just happen to love it

when the phone rings.

You won't love it, when it wakes you up

at 4:
00 in the morning.

Somebody you never heard of is calling

to tell you he's full of Quaaludes...

and he's got a gun...

and you're the only person in the world

who can tell him...

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