A Star Is Born Page #5

you got the basic keys to the city,

only you don't know what city you're in.

I want to marry you.

No, you don't.

I drink too much, I throw my money away.

I owe the government $180,000.

- Don't you want to?

- That's not the point.

So do I, so we should do it together.

I never thought I'd get married again.

You'd be lucky to have me.

It's not my luck I'm worried about.

Shut up! We're talking here!

I want you.

What do you know what you want?

You been on two planes...

I really do want you, Johnny.

Don't bullshit me, Esther.

I might start believing you.

John Norman Howard, do you take

this woman as your husband... wife?

Excuse me.

John Norman Howard, do you take

this woman as your wife?

I do.

Esther Leona Hoffman, do you take

this man as your husband?

Wait a minute. No. That's it?

That can't be. It's too short.

What about the "love, honor...

"and obey till death do us part" part?

Honey, this is what they tell us to say.

If you want the long form

you have to do it in church.

Anyway, "obey" is out,

the dawn of a new century.

- Say "cherish," it's friendlier.

- That's okay.

I'm already stretching this,

doing it out here instead of in my office.

Are you gonna do it, or not?

I'm gonna do it.

Me, too.

- Me, too.

- Good.

I now pronounce you man and wife.

- That's so funny.

- It's strange.

All the people are looking.

We're married, stop that.

This is a sample gift, courtesy of the city.

Let's get out of here

before we get arrested!

I can't believe it!

What is this, a box of candy?

Pre-moistened handy wipes...

fabric softener, stain remover...

strawberry douche?

- Everything for a perfect marriage kit!

- Strawberry douche?

Unless you prefer apricot.

Over there?

Wait.

How much further is it?

We are on it.

- This is your farm?

- Ranch, Esther.

This is your average 88,000-acre,

non-working ranch.

You mean as far as I can see, you own it?

You and I own it, babe,

community property.

You and I,

and the First National Bank of Tucson...

and the Bankers Trust in Phoenix.

Brian's got a second mortgage

in there somewhere.

I bet he does.

Outright, I think, you and I own

maybe a quarter of an acre.

That's plenty.

Look at the clouds.

- Where's your ranch house?

- This is it.

What do you mean, "this is it"?

- This is it.

- Where?

Hold it, let's do it right.

This is getting to be a habit.

I kind of like it.

- This is the stone entranceway.

- Stone?

Careful of those five steps.

Thanks for telling me.

- You're in the kitchen.

- The kitchen?

- I thought you lived here.

- I do.

It's just not finished yet.

- How come you never finished it?

- I guess I never had a reason to.

What do you think of it?

It's beautiful.

- Where's the bedroom?

- You're standing in it.

How convenient to put a kitchen

in the bedroom.

Watch out. Wait a minute,

I'll get a blanket.

You're gonna get stickers in your ass.

I don't care.

That's the spirit that built the West!

Great place.

We don't even have any floors yet!

Look at this. Isn't that beautiful?

Stop, don't!

It's in my ear!

I can't hear anything.

I'm so sorry.

- I'm drowning! You have to do first aid.

- Quick, aid, medic!

Mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

I'm drowning, honey.

I want you to always do

what you want, okay?

You're so cute. You're f***ing cute!

Esther, I'm not cute.

I've told you not to call me cute.

You are cute.

You sure like whipped cream.

Tastes much better that way, doesn't it?

I love to watch you eat.

I never seen anything like it.

You put your whole heart and soul,

and back, and everything else into it.

You just like me, don't you?

Well, yes!

Look what Brian gave us...

- for a wedding present.

- What did Brian get us?

It appears to be...

Look at this. We can do

our whole tour in trash-flash.

I'll get you a matching

sequined guitar strap.

Your tour, baby, not ours.

A genuine, leather-bound,

hand-illustrated...

sixteenth-century edition

of the Kamasutra.

We could have used a toaster.

What's that?

- Who would send us an empty bottle?

- Me.

You like this? Look at this!

How would this look?

It'll never work under the lights.

I'm not gonna plan my life

around the lights.

You are right now.

You haven't earned the right not to yet.

Crap! You know how I hate that attitude.

You can tell me how to do it

and you won't do it yourself.

I do not like this anymore than you do.

Please do it with me.

Please do the tour with me.

It would mean so much to me.

You're a charmer...

and you got a sweet little ass,

but I ain't going to.

Either you do this tour with me,

or, God damn it, I won't do it.

I'll stay home and bake bread.

We'll get fat and our teeth will fall out.

That would be just great.

Because you're so good in the kitchen.

F***er.

For God's sake.

Love and cherish?

How are you going to cherish me

in traction, you dumb bastard?

Get yourself paralyzed

from the neck down...

how you gonna think we are ever

gonna have a baby? Stop it!

What are you doing?

Stop!

John Norman!

You son of a b*tch!

What did you do that to me for?

I thought you were dead!

I'm too pretty to die!

You pervert!

Bullshit, what's wrong with you?

You only feel alive when you're scaring

yourself half to death?

Who was scared?

You were scared, I wasn't scared.

You're such an a**hole sometimes.

Honestly!

- Quit that.

- You knew that all the time.

Life is so lousy with me,

you want to leave it?

Hold still!

No, I will not, I don't like hairy men!

Look what you did to me!

Then off it goes. How clumsy of me.

- Off what goes?

- The beard, I'll cut it off!

- What are you going to do?

- Cut her off.

What do you mean? Cut what off?

Come on back.

You just keep wondering about it.

Stop being like a nut!

What are you going to do now?

How are you going to top that one?

You're crazy, you're a damn fool.

Stop it!

Come on, how would I recognize you?

I don't know what you would look like.

I might be very superficial

and not even like you anymore.

Don't scare me anymore, Johnny.

Just hold me.

If you ever die, I'll kill you.

I ain't never going to die.

- Promise?

- Yeah, I promise.

- Hell, I'll go on your goddamn tour.

- Really?

I love you!

Do you realize how long it's been

since you've seen anybody but me?

Yeah, and I love it.

It gives the day a focus.

I wake up looking at you.

I go to sleep looking at you.

It's simple and I can handle it.

Oh, no!

Sh*t.

God!

Esther looks great and happy.

I'm happy for her and I'm happy for you.

Brian, what did you bring me

out here to say?

You seem like somebody I knew

a long time ago.

It's nice.

You don't want me going out

on the road with her, right?

John, remember, I'm talking to you

as a man who loves you.

Esther's got her own music

and her own public.

They want her, you they're suing.

She shouldn't have to pick up on that.

Jeez, don't beat around the bush.

Tell me what you feel about me

going out on tour with that lady.

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