A Street Cat Named Bob

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1

Cheers, mate!

Yo!

Hey, Elvis, you've seen, Dee?

I'm not looking for Dee.

Oh.

You want to try this again?

You sing vocals on it, mate.

Go away, now.

Brass monkey band?

Knew you'd crash here tonight.

No, seriously.

You've seen Dee?

Seriously, I'm on the script.

I mean it this time.

Yeah, who doesn't?

Well, tell Dee

I'm looking for him, yeah?

Three quid, mate.

And...

You're short.

That's all I've got.

It's three quid, mate.

Come on, I haven't

eaten all day.

It's three quid!

Can you let me off at 9p?

No!

All right... I'll...

Play you a little song, yeah?

How about that?

I'll play you a little song,

and you let me off at 9p, okay?

All right.

Thanks, mate.

That's... that's...

That's great.

Don't come back.

Okay.

Don't want you here, go on!

All right.

Okay, I'm going.

Thanks, a lot.

Get out of here!

Sorry... sorry.

Yo, Elvis?

Get in.

Whose is it?

The bloke who forgot to lock it.

I found Dee.

Have some.

Hey, I'm here, I'm here.

I'm here, I'm here, I'm here,

no, no, no, no, no...

- That's nice, that's nice.

- See, I'm here, I'm here.

Come on, you don't

have to do this. Please.

Oh, yes, I do.

You're late.

Who are these?

I don't know.

It's your car.

How long have they been here?

Hey, what are you

doing in my car?

You didn't do something...

Why should I?

James! James!

James, come on, wake up!

You can't do this.

You didn't see them get in?

Oh, do I look like a genie?

From a certain angle.

I caught you.

Come back here!

Get after him, will you?

Pig!

This is not Batman

and Robin, you know.

Hey, wake up, you're in my car.

Hey!

Well, he's...

Well, he's not moving.

Did they bring my guitar?

Must say you too.

So, I'm not exactly

myself this morning.

That's a matter of opinion.

They brought it to me.

To you?

Well, this isn't our first

time in the circus, is it?

I'm sorry.

You know, I made

a mistake. I messed up.

Tell me something I haven't

already heard 20 times today?

Good.

So much prefer the sound

of silence to bullshit.

How do you feel?

Not dead.

Look, I mean...

I'm... horrible.

Turns out you've

also got hepatitis.

Congratulations.

Ever wonder why you see so many

old alchies but never junkies?

No fellow can use this

more than I do.

You can't mix

heroin with methadone.

You'd od.

You know this stuff.

Yep.

Do it again

and you'll probably die.

I never... look I...

- I'm sorry. I...

- Silence over bullshit.

Right.

I'll see you when

you're discharged.

Yeah.

Hello.

What'd you do?

Nicking this uniform.

Uh, no. I didn't Nick it.

Nurse gave it to me because

they lost my t-shirt.

All right.

You know the drill.

Sign that one, and take that

one to the chemist everyday.

A few methadone.

Check in with me

every two weeks.

And addicts who stop the methadone

treatment and go back to heroin,

- have a higher percentage of od'ing.

- Percentage of od'ing.

Yeah, I know this already.

It's my job to tell you.

Fall off the methadone and it's more likely

you'll od the next time you do heroin.

And you could, well, die.

Yeah.

Is there anyone I can call?

Any relative, anyone?

I'm... I'm kinda solo

these days.

No word from your dad?

Or mum?

Uh, yeah.

"Get lost."

Guess that's two words.

Here you go.

Uh, thank you.

Can you play something for me?

You want to hear me sing?

Are you any good?

Okay...

There you go, mate.

Hey!

Get up. On your way.

I won't be back in here

if he wasn't a special case.

Special?

I've got three single mums

waiting for a spot. I've got...

I've got a sweet old pensioner who's

getting kicked out of here sometimes.

They all need emergency

housing, they're all special.

Please.

What's so special

about a drug addict?

Why this one?

Oh, I don't know.

Every now and then

one comes along and...

You just know they

have in them to be clean.

I think this is his last shot.

He really wants to be clean

but he's got nothing.

No support system at all.

I have to get him off the street

or I'm going to lose him.

No.

I'm not giving a spot to a user.

He's in the program.

He falls off his methadone,

he's out. Period.

He won't.

I hope.

Come on, everybody.

Come on. Woof!

Albert, this side.

- Val?

- Hey! Come in.

Wow!

Welcome home.

You okay?

Yeah, but...

Yeah!

It's a little bit stuffy,

so just open the window.

Hot water!

Look, I've got to run.

- Keys.

- Right. Yeah.

Val, I'm...

You're welcome.

Oh, and I've put some cereal in the

kitchen, and milk in the fridge.

I don't know what to say.

Say, you're gonna

stay in the program,

and you won't miss

our next meeting.

I promise.

I promise you. I...

Cross my heart, hope to die.

Okay.

I'll see you out.

Whoever is there?

You better leave!

I mean it!

I've got a weapon here!

Um...

I'm seriously armed!

That was you

making all that noise.

How'd you get in?

I see.

You're a thief, are you?

Stealing all my cornflakes?

Hmm?

Hey?

Are you friendly?

Hmm?

I guess that answers that.

No, come on.

This way.

There you go.

They're a...

They're better with

a bit of milk, you see.

I'll get you some.

You're not a very good

thief, by the way.

Next time, try to be

a bit quieter.

That's the trick out here.

Come on.

Up you come, now.

Look at that.

Hmm.

There's going to be a family

worried about you.

You better go home now.

Hmm?

No, no, no, no, no.

This way.

Oh, no.

You know. I think it's time

you better go home.

Hey, this way.

There you go. Yeah.

Go home.

Go out there.

That's it. Come on.

Oh, don't look at me like that.

Okay?

All right, then.

One night. Okay?

And then I'm going to take

you back to your owner.

Yeah, deal?

There you go.

I'll see you

in the morning, okay?

Over there?

Excuse me.

Did you lose a cat?

Is it there?

No?

Excuse me.

Did you lose a cat?

Hello!

Got a little ginger cat down

here if anyone's looking for it.

Hello!

So what number life are you on?

Apparently, I'm on the ninth.

Hello, did anybody lose a cat?

Get out of here, go away!

Thanks.

Come on.

There you go.

Someone will come

looking for you.

Take care of yourself.

Thank you.

All right, methadone, mate?

Thank you, mate!

Hey! Go on, on your way!

Oh, don't do this, mate.

In all the world, you're

causing an obstruction.

I'm just trying to make

a living here.

I'm not in anyone's way.

It's an health and safety issue.

If you strum there

you're obstructing the exit.

Well, if you stand there

you're obstructing the exit.

Walk to, mate,

or I'll haul you away.

All right...

Up to me, I'd arrest

the lot of y'all.

Oh, you would.

F***ing vermin!

As if I haven't

got enough to do.

Dad! Dad!

Hey, dad.

What are you doing here?

Oh, we're... we're...

We're a bit shopping.

This and that.

Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah. You good?

Uh, yeah. I've stopped using.

I'm in the program.

Great.

Remember that last time?

My own flat and everything...

Mm-hmm.

Jack?

You remember, Hilary?

Hi.

Yeah, we're late, darling.

I'm sorry, we've got to...

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