A Very British Gangster Page #5

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They f***ing don't wash nothing,

them little bastards.

Who's ate the cakes?

I'm being serious now.

- F*** the camera!

- It was not me.

Who's ate my cakes now?

Someone has ate my fingers!

- I had one coconut cake.

- Why?

- Why?

- They're my cakes!

- You didn't ask for my permission.

- I'll buy them back.

You f***ing will buy them back,

double f***ing back!

When did you get arrested

for the breach of bail?

Yesterday. I've been arrested

for breach of bail twice.

Dom got me out the first time.

He said, "You have to release him now."

'Cause they tried keeping me,

illegally tried keeping me.

Dom was me solicitor

You gonna get him in court tomorrow?

Sunday. Don't think so.

What was the charge

you're on bail for?

Um, assault, criminal damage,

Dominic, I could be talking to

a younger version of you here.

Better looking.

I am better looking.

Dom serves and protects.

We just serve.

As one of Manchester's

most high profile gangsters,

This is the only picture I've got,

it's of my little Bugsy.

Look at him, sweet and innocent.

What a little f***ing bastard

Is this the extended family?

You always have a bit of

a clan around you don't you?

Yeah. Most of the time, yeah.

Some guy's trying to be Elvis. Look.

Oh, look, Elvis Presley.

Oh, eh. You go, boy.

Do you think, um, Sean

would make it on X Factor?

- Who, Sean?

- Yeah.

He's have a good go, wouldn't he?

I don't know, 'cause there's good people

there, as well, isn't there?

Oh, cheers. Thank you

for the vote of confidence, Bugsy.

There is competition.

He's right. There's some

good people knocking about.

He's right to say that.

Yeah, I'm joking.

Is it difficult bringing up

kids these days?

It is, really.

It's difficult enough when you've got...

All the things that we want.

...mother and father.

There's a lot of people that are

one parent families.

It must be a lot difficult for them

And then all the things that we want,

sometimes you can't get it.

No, well, let's reverse that question.

No, you can't always have

what you want in life, Carrie-Anne.

We do our best. We get what we can

when we can get it for 'em.

They've not been brought up

to get everything they want.

Even if we had the money,

I wouldn't give it to 'em.

Bugsy, how many sausage

do you want?

Paddy can't work 'cause he's ill.

I can't work either.

We do our best,

you know what I mean?

Have you seen these?

F in music. You should be

ashamed of yourself, what.

It's still a pass.

What do you mean, it's still a pass?

It's still a pass.

An F?

A to F is a pass.

Yeah, F for "fool".

Every gangster family has a singer.

In our family, it's me.

I sing weddings, funerals, and acquittals.

Mostly acquittals.

I want to be famous, "Top of the Pops",

maybe go on X-factor next year.

Frank Sinatra had gangster connections,

and it didn't do him any harm.

My dreams are to be a boxer

because I've always liked it,

since I was younger.

If I don't make it being a boxer,

go out for football.

"Steven Robinson".

Has he died?

I started off as a grafter,

I started off working for someone else.

Phone would answer,

I would go round the corner,

pass something to someone,

go back and we'd have bare dough.

We'd have bare money in our pocket.

Then like, after about

a couple of weeks went past,

and I thought, yeah man, I like this.

But I don't like passing him all the dough.

Because I used to pass him

a big wad of change.

I thought, I'm not liking it,

I'm not going to pass it to him.

Just went about the smack heads

that he had, I started giving out.

Then he met me, he had a bit of conflict

saying he was going to do this and do that.

So I said, right, well, bring it.

You've got to bring it, come and do it.

So I just got me boys and that together,

got a few little weapons, went round.

I had a scrap with him,

bit his face off. End of subject.

He just quit,

he didn't want none anymore.

Now there's worser things going on.

People were chopping and shooting people.

I only smashed one persons head in.

But I took over his one patch,

and that's all I needed then.

I would chop you in half

just for the reputation.

It's money and drugs and power.

Because people fear us,

and they know what we'll do to them.

Yo, is that chippie open up there?

Your phone.

Oh, no. What's up now?

They've gone off more than a bit.

I've got to keep 'em out now, Dom.

Do us a favor and ring them up.

Need to get this bottomed out, Dom.

They've got to just f***ing keep out.

They're going to cost me a pub here, mate

- All right, I'll get onto them for you.

- Thanks, kidda.

They've been fighting again yeah?

It happened the other day.

F***ing windows got broke again

and f***ing bottles.

On Friday, uh...

No, you're embarrassing me,

I swear to God.

You're embarrassing

the f***ing family name.

Her own daughter's embarrassing her...

Never mind her daughter.

We've got a better name than that.

F***ing idiots now, in it?

That's all they're saying about you

up that end, you're just idiots.

I'm not arsed.

You're not arsed?

Well don't drag my f***ing brother's name

through the mud then yeah?

What?

Carry on.

I was having a fight,

and just because I got the better of him,

he started crying and ran to the teacher,

said I battered him.

So what did Mrs. Roberts

say to you, then?

"I don't want you on the premises,"

and I went, "Oh, I'll go then."

How long for?

Seven days, she said.

His face went dead red

and started crying.

It was still red

when he told the teachers.

I told you to stop messin' about

toy fighting before.

Even at the house when you start gettin' hurt

and start f***ing crying.

Mm-hmm. That's what happens.

When I was there,

it was ABC right down to G.

The cleverer you were

the more you were at the top, A,

and the dumber you were,

you were at G.

Paul's on Z, then, isn't he?

In fact they just made up

a new letter for him.

F***ing hell, they will suspend you

if you go in like that.

Won't know it's you.

I hated that school.

Would you wanna be like your dad?

Me dad? Nope, 'cause he's done armed

robberies and stuff like that, hasn't he?

Would you ever go in prison?

No, 'cause they spit in your drinks

and, how would you know,

they could piss in your drink.

You wouldn't know.

Spit in your food and mix it all up.

Your dad's been in

24 years, as well.

Ugh. I bet he's been eating all sorts.

Probably.

I'd do it to get

one of my mates out of trouble.

I'd go into prison for that,

but I wouldn't...

I'd go in prison for me family.

Yeah, so would I, but I wouldn't go

and do something from off me own back.

Yeah, for myself.

Like an armed robbery, for example.

Yeah, I couldn't do that, mate.

I'd prefer to get other people

to do it for me, if you think about it.

Don't wanna die, anyway.

Don't wanna die young.

Neither do I.

Don't want to get killed.

And I do?

Sorry.

Yo. Shuriken.

So I'm gonna be a singer,

become a millionaire with me voice,

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