Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein

Aah!

Whoa!

Operator, haven't you

been able to get me...

the express office

in Florida yet?

Yes, I know it takes time to

call from London to the States.

But please hurry.

It's terribly important!

Answer that phone.

Answer the bell!

Answer the phone!

- Which do you want me to answer first?

- Both of'em.

Both of'em.

Both of'em!

Hold the line, please.

Thank you.

I'd like to have my

grip, please. Yes, ma'am.

Let me see that.

They came in on the last train.

We haven't unloaded the truck yet.

Go out and get the lady's grip.

Hurry up.

Excuse me, please.

Lady, here's your bag.

What are you trying to do, ruin the

lady's baggage? Where is it? This one.

There you are. I'm sorry. Thank you.

Come on, clean this up.

Straighten it out.

Wilbur, darling,

are you all right?

Sandra, I hurt

my poor little head.

Your head?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, no.

Does this hurt?

Uh-uh.

Does that hurt?

Uh-uh.

Thank heaven. If anything

happened to you, dearest,

I'd never

forgive myself.

That kiss made everything

all better.

You worry about me

an awful lot, don't you?

You mean an awful lot to me. Tell me more.

I will... at dinner tonight. Okay.

Get up and go to work! That is, if

your head doesn't bother you too much.

His head is all right. It is?

But is your head all right?

Certainly. Frankly, I don't get it.

And frankly,

you never will.

I can't understand

that dame.

Of all the guys around here, that classy

dish has to pick out a guy like you.

What's wrong with that? Look at

yourself in the mirror sometime.

Why should I hurt

my own feelings?

Go answer the phone.

I'll pick these up.

Baggage room.

London?

Calling here?

This ain't collect, is it?

Oh, all right.

Put him on.

Hello? Do you have two crates addressed

to the McDougal House of Horrors?

What's the number on the

checks? Never mind that.

Tonight the moon will be full.

I haven't much time.

Listen closely.

I'm flying out of here at dawn.

Under no circumstances are you to

deliver those crates until I arrive.

Understand?

Under...

Under...

Mr. McDougal, will you stop

gargling your throat?

Hey, you'll have to get your dog away from

the phone. I can't hear a word you're sayin'.

You're silly to call me all the way from

London just to have your dog talk to me.

That's great conversation.

The guy growls like a wolf.

The nerve of some people!

What can I do for you, bub?

I have two crates addressed to my House

of Horrors, and I want immediate delivery.

My name's McDougal. McDougal? I just

talked to you on the phone from London.

How'd you get here so fast? They shoot

you out of a cannon? Are you crazy?

I've been here all the time.

Now get me those crates!

How long you been here? Five minutes.

I've been here five years,

you don't see me yelling...

There's the insurance slip and the

bill of lading. Now get me those crates!

Will you please stop yellin'? Come

here. It's impolite to raise your voice.

Chick! Why didn't you give

me these in the first place?

Chi... Chick, this man

wants these crates.

Insured for $20,000.

We better look these up.

Must be valuable. I'll

say they're valuable.

Wilbur?

Yes, Sandra?

He's busy.

Please.

That little fellow's impossible.

Hurry up with those crates!

Do you know what I've got in

there? Haven't the slightest idea.

The greatest attraction the House

of Horrors ever had, that's all.

One of them's a coffin containing the

remains of the original Count Dracula.

The other's the body

of the Frankenstein monster.

That combination's enough to scare the pants...

I mean, shirt right off your back, ain't it?

I don't scare easily. Neither

do I where money's concerned.

I got 'em cheap. European agent

picked my name right out of thin air.

Very interesting.

Yeah.

Mr. McDougal.

Hey, Chick,

here's one.

Darling,

I have to run along.

Something's come up. That means

we'll have to break our date tonight.

It ain't another man, is it?

Of course not.

Silly boy.

Boy, I'm floatin'

on a cloud of love.

You little blimp, I'll let the air

out of you if you don't give me a hand.

You understand that?

Thank you.

Boy, is this kid lost.

Take that rope. Get up on that box

and tie it to that handle up there.

Okay.

Nothing matters no more.

I'm so happy. Go on, get up there!

Here it is.

Hold still now.

Whoa!

Chick!

Stop him! Is he trying to

ruin me? You're insured.

Yes, and if those exhibits are

damaged, I intend to collect.

Whoa!

Well, there you are. Shall

I wrap it up? No, you idiot.

Take those to my House of

Horrors and uncrate them.

If that's the way you handle baggage, I'm

going to have the insurance agent there...

to inspect them

before I accept delivery.

Then it's gonna cost you

overtime because I'm a union man.

I work only 16 hours a day. A union

man only works eight hours a day.

I belong

to two unions!

Get those down to my place! All right.

Hey, Wilbur, here's a key. Open the door.

I'm not gonna like this.

Come on, gimme a hand.

Come on,

get it inside.

Pull it! You want me

to do all the work?

Come on, help me

with it, will ya?

Uh-oh. What's the matter now?

Somebody's got a knife

in my back. Oh, nonsense!

Where's the switch?

Here.

Sandra should

see you now.

Turn around. Look what you're afraid of.

Turn around!

I... Come on, get up on

your feet. It's only a dummy.

Dummy nothin'. It was

smart enough to scare me.

Get ahold of the box.

Go ahead.

Come on,

swing it around.

Help a little bit.!

Oh!

Ah, ah!

You fraidy-cat. These things can't

harm ya. They're made out of wax.

People pay McDougal cash to

come in here and get scared.

I'm cheatin' him. I'm

gettin' scared for nothin'.

Go ahead and push.

Don't knock anything over.

There we are. Now we get the

dolly out from underneath there.

Lift up that end.

Lift it up!

Come on, come on.

There you are.

Put it down, put it down.

Do I have to do all the work?

I'll get it down.

Put it down.

Go ahead.

Now open it up.

I'm going out and get the

other crate. And no back talk!

I've got just two words to

say to you. What is that?

Hurry back.

Aah!

Hello?

Yes, Mr. McDougal.

Yeah, the crates are here.

Wilbur's opening one now.

Mm-hmm.

Everything's all right.

Okay, Mr. McDougal.

Good-bye.

Chick?

Oh, Chi... ick!

What's the matter?

Did you turn out the light? Certainly not.

They're out.

So what?

Maybe the lightning

struck the power line.

I get in more messes around

here. Take off that canvas.

Take it off?

Take it off!

Hey, a coffin!

C-Coffin.

Dracula crest.

Dracula's crest.

I wonder if Mr. McDougal expects people

to think that Dracula's really in there.

No, don't.

Please don't.

Oh, now come, come. Dracula

was just a legendary character.

He never existed. Certainly not. No?

Fold up this canvas. I'm going

out and get the other crate.

If you want me, just holler

"Oh, Chick!" You understand?

Oh, Chick!

What?

What kept you?

I haven't left yet.

The next time, don't take so

long. Fold this up. Get busy.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes