Abbott and Costello Meet the Killer, Boris Karloff Page #5

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I ain't got any sense.

I thought everybody'd think I

was the murderer. A handkerchief!

Might have had a monogram

on it or a laundry mark.

That one piece of evidence could

have led us to the murderer.

I think it has.

You stop looking at me!

Don't jump at conclusions.

Let's go upstairs and talk it over

peacefully. Now, stop! Stay here.

Tell us one thing, Phillips.

Were you and Relia in cahoots?

The last time I saw Relia,

he didn't talk to me.

If I could find Relia, I could

make him talk. It'd be a good trick.

You don't know Wellman.

You don't know Relia.

I think

he's in your room.

There's nobody there.

Let's go and find out.

Will you get your hands...

Let's ride up and find out.

I'm done.

I'm done.

Are you coming with me?

I'm comin'.

I'm such a young boy too.

Hey, fellas,

you can come up now.

Come on,

stick with me.

What's the problem?

What's the matter?

Blood.

Take it easy, lady.

Pull yourself together.

What happened?

I've been trying to get in here

all evening, but no one answered.

I finally let myself in

and then I saw... that!

Whose room is this?

Mr. Milford.

Strickland's secretary? This case

is gettin' screwier every minute.

You go to your room.

I'll call you if I need you.

Any of you people seen Mr.

Milford in the last few hours?

I was in the lobby late.

I didn't see him go out.

Okay, we'll start

with you, Swami.

What are you doing

fully dressed at this hour?

Just a little game of cards

with Mr. Brooks.

And you?

I was the third hand.

And naturally,

you two were there?

Naturally.

Naturally.

That makes it convenient.

One for all and all for one...

as far as the alibis

are concerned.

And you, Mr. Crandall? I couldn't

sleep. I went out for a walk.

- Do we take your word or did somebody see you?

- I was with him.

You people can go back to your

rooms. Not you, Phillips or Casey!

The rest of you stay here. What about me?

You can go.

You too, Wilson.

I'd like to remain,

if I may, Inspector.

The reputation of the

hotel is involved. Okay.

Betty!

Why didn't you want me to tell him

we were out on the terrace together?

Please don't ask me, Jeff. And

thanks for not giving me away.

Someone in this room knows a lot

more than he or she is admitting.

I intend to find out

who it is.

Are you making an accusation? Maybe.

You all had a motive

for killing Strickland:

to prevent his memoirs

from being published.

Last night he was murdered.

Tonight his secretary disappears.

Maybe he's still alive,

maybe he isn't. He isn't.

- How do you know?

- Because, I mean...

'Cause that spot on the carpet,

that ain't ketchup there.

It could mean Milford has been

murdered; it might be a red herring.

No, that looks

more like borscht.

You don't have to waste any more time,

Inspector. You've got your murderer.

I thought so too, but Phillips

has come up with an airtight alibi.

Thanks, Inspector. Hear that,

Casey? I got an airtight alibi.

I'm going to locate Milford and Relia if I

have to take this hotel apart with my hands.

Nobody leaves this hotel without

my permission. You can all go now.

Not you, Casey!

Oh, not you, Casey, huh? I'm

sorry you're one of the suspects.

I'll do everything I can

to get you out. Phillips!

I want to talk to you.

Me?

Yeah. You're in this

thing up to your neck...

but there was something phony about that

bunch of creeps bein' dressed at this hour...

so I'm gonna give you one

more chance to clear yourself.

I'm getting sick and tired of

everybody accusing me of murder.

You could be

the murderer yourself!

What are you trying to

do, get away? Shut up!

Casey, Casey!

Now, take it easy.

Now listen to me!

Talk to him, Casey.

As long as Phillips was under

suspicion, the real killer felt safe.

But now he's going to be pretty

anxious to get that handkerchief back.

So, Phillips, you're gonna put

the handkerchief up for sale.

Who's gonna buy a lot of ashes?

Nobody but us knows you burned it.

I get it. I get it! Ha, ha! I get it too!

The one that buys the handkerchief

is the murderer. Exactly.

So spread the word around that you've

got the handkerchief and you'll sell it...

for about 5,000 dollars.

Sure!

Don't try to blow

in the meantime.

You sure you're smart

enough to handle this? Him?

I'm plenty smart.

I'm going to my hotel room and

figure the whole thing out. Yeah?

Where's your hotel key?

In my pocket where I...

Is that so?

I had it.

Here it is.

Oh.

I didn't get this

for nothing, you know.

Here it is.

Hey, come on.

Where'd you ditch the

bodies? In the elevator.

In the elevator?

Come on.

We gotta get rid

of those bodies.

This one over here.

There's no bodies in there.

Some dirty crook stole 'em.

At least we're rid of'em.

Now we've got to find someone willing to

pay 5,000 dollars for that handkerchief.

Wait a minute, Casey. Suppose

the murderer hasn't got the money?

Then they're apt to murder you to get it

back; either way, they'll show their hand.

f they murder me, I'm apt

to be killed. That's right.

But at least you've proven

your innocence.

That's true. One way or

another, I can't lose.

That's right.

Ain't I a lucky stiff?

Lucky stiff! I should've never

left Patterson. Let's go upstairs.

I don't need a handkerchief.

I have plenty.

But I-I'll let you have

this handkerchief very cheap.

Only 5,000 dollars. 5,000

dollars? You're insane.

But it's such a beautiful

handkerchief. It's nothing to sneeze at.

Neither is 5,000 dollars.

Ah, please.

Please buy the handkerchief.

If you do, I'll let you have

it on the easy payment plan:

3,500 dollars down

and small monthly payments.

15 months?

No.

18 months?

No.

21 months is as far as I can go. No!

Aye!

How'd you make out?

Ah, no good. Nobody wants

to buy that handkerchief.

It's cheaper to kill me. I wish they'd

quit stallin' and get around to it.

They're getting around

to it, all right.

It's only a kitten.

Bet somebody's puttin' him up

to it. Better luck next time.

Now they got

the Indians after me.

Hey, paleface,

give me my arrow.

You!

Another false alarm.

I wish somebody'd do something to

you. I'm becoming a nervous wreck.

Disgusting, isn't it? Have you talked

to everybody about that handkerchief?

Everybody but Mr. Brooks. Brooks? I

just saw him going in the health club.

Freddie,

this is your last bet.

If he's the killer,

you'll be vindicated.

If he's the killer, I'll be perforated,

assassinated, exterminated and marinated.

Well, that's that.

Just a little longer,

Mr. Brooks. All right.

Right here, Freddie.

This my stall?

That's right.

Hello, Mr. Brooks.

Hello.

Takin' a steam bath, huh?

Naturally.

For a steam bath to do you any good, you

got to stay in here at least ten minutes.

You gotta find something

to do while you're here.

Wanna play cards?

Mr. Brooks,

do you catch many colds?

No. Why?

Psst-psst. I've got a

handkerchief I'd like to sell you.

Cheap.

5,000 dollars.

Why, that's ridiculous!

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