Abner, the Invisible Dog Page #4

stand up to them.

Don't be such a weenie.

All right.

Hi, Chad.

Hello, Sophie.

How was your birthday?

Great.

What are we gonna tell

the boss?

- It's the boss.

- Yeah.

Hey, Boss, I was just

about to call you.

Um, no, the vial is empty,

and we don't see

the talking dog.

No, he's here, all right.

We just don't... see him.

He's a see-through pooch.

What are you two nimrods

hanging around for?

Yeah, that's right.

The dog drank the other vial,

and then...

he went invisible.

Like in the movies.

No, no, no. We were all set

to kidnap the dog,

but that's when he kinda

went invisible on us.

You two were gonna kidnap me.

You gotta be dreaming.

- You and what army?

- The kid?

He's not gonna be a problem.

And as far as

this mangy mutt,

all we gotta do is find out

exactly where he is,

and then we'll grab him.

No problem.

Oh, you just wanted

to know where I am?

Well, why didn't you say so?

We're gonna get that fleabag.

No, it's just

an expression, Boss.

Uh, Murdoch?

- Would you shut up?

- No...

Wet marks the spot.

No, not you, Boss.

I would never...

Yeah, no problem.

We're on our way.

The boss wants to see us.

You might wanna

change your pants.

Why?

What did you do to me?

No, it wasn't me.

Heh heh heh heh!

Ow!

- Get in the car!

- All right.

I'm really sorry

about yesterday.

Josh and Kevin

are real jerks.

Then why do you

hang out with them?

I don't hang out with them.

Well, not really.

I just don't wanna

make them mad.

Can we talk about

something else?

Oh, yeah, sure.

So I was thinking about

what you said about the sky

and why it looks so blue.

Well, I looked it up online,

and you were right.

But I already knew

you would be.

Well, I've been interested

in science and all that stuff

for a long time already.

Oh, I also learned something

else that's really cool.

Did you know that

moonlight doesn't exist?

It's just sunlight

reflected off the moon,

like a giant mirror.

You don't say.

Mm-hmm.

Well, not like

a mirror-mirror

because it takes sunlight

over eight minutes

just to reach the earth.

So if the sun burned out,

we wouldn't know for

another eight minutes?

Yeah! And then we'd all be dead!

Isn't that cool?

It is! That's the coolest thing

I've ever heard.

Well, I gotta get going.

It was nice

talking to you, Chad.

Who would've thought

she was as big a dork as you?

Shut up. She'll hear you.

Chad, buddy, we might have

a little problem.

Oh, really? Just one?

Yeah. Let's get inside,

and I'll tell you about it.

Why don't you lock that?

What's gotten into you?

While you were striking out

with the homecoming queen,

I happened to overhear those

two plotting to kidnap me.

Kidnap you? No way.

Oh, way. I think it has

something to do

with those chemicals

of yours I drank.

Oh, Abner,

I'm... I'm so sorry.

Ah, don't worry about, kid.

Those morons

couldn't catch a cold.

Besides, there's things out

there a lot more dangerous.

- Trust me.

- I'll bet.

Yeah! Anyone ever threaten

to have you fixed?

That's one word

that sends a shiver

down the bones

of every canine.

- No kidding.

- And besides,

there's this drop-dead

gorgeous Afghan one block over

that I've been dying

to sneak up on.

Really?

I would've never guessed.

The one with the long,

silky hair?

She's on my radar, pal.

She's on it.

Okay, cool your jets, Abner.

All we have to do now is

wait for Mom and Dad

to get home.

Cool. Hey, what's on TV?

Uh-huh.

Afternoon, Mr. Denning.

Ah, gentlemen, gentlemen!

Please sit down, sit down.

Baby, these are

my close associates.

Murdoch, Candi.

Candi, Kane.

Candy cane?

A pleasure, I'm sure.

Do they call you Candi

'cause you're so sweet?

No, silly. They call me Candi

'cause too much of me

will rot your teeth.

Ha!

Can I get you boys

anything to drink?

- Oh, yeah.

- Mickey, two iced teas.

Okay.

Now, as you can imagine,

I am less than thrilled

with your lack of progress.

But then I realize

it's been my own fault.

Boys, accept

my deepest apology.

Of course, Boss,

yeah, sure, anytime.

Yeah, yeah,

we all make mistakes, right?

Right.

You both are like brothers

to me. Truly.

And I want you to succeed,

and I want you to make me proud.

Ohh!

And the reason I believe you

have failed me so miserably

is because I haven't given you

the proper tools to work with.

- Mm.

- Aah! Aah!

So I'm gonna rectify

that situation right now.

Look closely.

Pay particular attention.

This is an electronic

jamming device.

It delivers a microwave burst

that disables all

cell phone signals

within a five-block radius.

Wow. Look at that.

Would you... It's delicate!

Sorry, Boss.

Now, listen.

The only downside,

the effect only lasts

for 30 minutes,

but that should be

ample enough time

to get into the house

and locate me what I desire

because if you don't,

I'm gonna find

two new brothers.

Well, uh, how...

how do we get in?

Be clever... if you can.

Try thinking outside the box.

May I suggest, um,

a little disguise?

Oh! I love disguises!

- You do?

- Yes!

Why don't you impersonate

some kind of servicemen?

Oh! Like pretend

to be soldiers!

No, you numbskull.

He's talking about dressing up

like repairmen.

Exactly.

- See?

- Now...

you both know what to do,

so you should go do it.

And, gentlemen,

thank you for taking time

out of your obviously

very, very busy day.

Of course, Boss, anytime.

Anytime at all.

Uh, pleasure

meeting you, miss.

Likewise, I'm sure.

- Come on!

- Jeez!

We'll see you later, Boss,

So what do you think?

Cowboys and Indians?

I'll be Pocahontas.

Ooh. I'll be Crazy Horse.

Mom says you're not supposed

to be on the couch.

Oh, please. I'm not supposed

to be on the couch?

No one's home.

Who cares?

What are you looking for?

Stupid cable guide.

70 channels and still

nothing worth watching.

Oh, maybe we can get

Animal Channel.

We can even catch

Puppies in Purgatory.

I was hoping to find

The Hound of the Baskervilles.

That one's always good

for a laugh.

There's gotta be

something decent on.

Let me flip through

the channels again.

You just did that. I tell you,

people are so weird.

What do you mean?

You all just do weird things,

that's all.

- Such as?

- Such as ripping a big fart

at the dinner table

and blaming it on the dog.

"The dog did it!"

It's always the dog!

Come on, last Thanksgiving,

everyone knows it was Aunt Ida

clearing the runway.

Yeah, and who is it this time?

Well, okay, that one's on me,

but the exception

proves the rule.

Uh-huh.

Hey, it's The Creature

from Galaxy 7.

Ooh! Leave this one on.

I like it.

There.

- Yeah.

- Good, good.

That's funny.

I wonder why we

lost the signal.

Beats me. I'm gonna

wash down this popcorn

with some nice, cold water.

You going to drink out of

the toilet again, aren't you?

Don't knock it

till you tried it, kid.

Yeah, I'll take your word

for it.

Stop it!

I wonder who that is.

I think I know.

Can I help you?

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