Abner, the Invisible Dog Page #6

Look, sister,

I may be a 30-year-old man

stuck behind the register

in a toy store,

but in my mind,

I'm on a beach in Cabo.

You know what I mean?

Hey, Jackie,

we got something.

Between the hours of 4:00

and 6:
00 last night,

what did you sell?

Let me check yesterday's

card transactions.

Yeah, please.

There you go.

One sale.

Somebody bought

a kid's chemistry set.

We can check that card number.

Give me two minutes.

Yeah, great.

Get on it.

You know what?

I remember now.

Two guys wanted

the same chemistry set,

and they, like,

started fighting over it.

Two grown men

fighting over a toy?

Happens all the time.

- Keep a lookout.

- I am! Don't...

You mind?

Ow! Ah!

God...

Go.

D'oh!

We're gonna use

the element of surprise.

Okay.

You go that way.

Yes.

- Hello, boys.

- What was that?

That is the element

of surprise.

A lot of good

that's gonna do you.

'cause we got the M-17...

this thing!

And it jams your cell phones,

so you can't call for help.

You hear that,

you invisible mutt, huh?

You might as well

just give yourself up

and come along quietly.

Yeah.

Oh, I don't do anything

quietly.

I'll give you a message.

- Cop that.

- Hey!

Hah! I'll give you a leg up!

Eh? How'd you like that?

Spinning!

What's the matter?

Can't pull your own weight?

Stop!

Murdoch!

Oww!

I'm not done with you,

either, yet, hairy face!

He's got me!

Grab him! Grab him!

Oh, no, you don't.

- Where'd it go?

- Miss me? Ha ha ha!

Maybe you two should consider

a career shift.

You know, something that

suits your talents more,

like an entry-level position

at Banquet in a Burrito.

Hey, look, it's the kid.

I can see it's the kid.

I have eyes.

Hey, kid.

We don't want to hurt you.

We just want the dog.

Yeah. Just give him to us,

and we'll leave!

How about I give you these

instead?

You wouldn't want to do that,

would you?

I mean, you're...

We're all in the same room.

That would just be dumb.

Well, I'm a kid, and...

I'm kinda supposed

to do dumb things.

Aah! Smells awful!

It's like a 20 megaton fart!

Isn't it awesome?

Ow, my eyes are burning!

I know!

Aah! I can't see anything!

- Come on, Abner, run!

- Running!

Where is the dog?

Oh, I got him!

I got the dog!

That's me, you idiot!

Now I really wanna

hurt that kid.

You go this way.

I'll go that way.

Right.

Ugh. Eww.

Hello!

Chad?

Anybody home?

Now, ain't this just perfection?

I don't want to make you mad

or anything, Murdoch,

but that ain't the dog.

I know, you idiot.

It ain't even a little boy.

Would you... Shh!

Would you just shut up?

Hey, kid!

Come on out!

Shh!

I got your girlfriend!

We finally got a break.

Yeah. For once I don't mind

facing the director.

Did you tell him

I'm doing a bang-up job?

I did.

- So what'd he say?

- Oh, you know how he is.

He's not exactly effusive

with his praise.

But he's pleased with

my performance, right?

Uh...

Charlie, he said that you are

the most awesome security chief

he's ever known in all of his

years in government service.

Wow. He really said that?

Scout's honor.

I'll go...

I'll go get the car.

Excuse me, sir.

Director.

- Anything?

- Good news, sir.

We traced one of the suspects

to this toy store.

You're sure

about that, Jackie?

We cannot afford to act on

any sort of wild speculation.

No doubt about it, sir.

That's very promising,

but we're running out of time.

Culprits may even be

out of the country by now.

No, sir, I don't think so.

You see, the store clerk,

he remembers two men fighting

over a kid's chemistry set.

Now, it is possible

that our suspect

hid the vials inside the

chemistry set,

intending to come back

and get them later,

but a customer

beats him to it

and unwittingly goes home

with the two formulas.

That's a lot conjecture,

don't you think?

It's all we've got.

But I have an address.

We're headed over there now.

All right, text me the address.

I'll meet you there.

You got it.

And, Jackie?

Yes, sir.

I hope you're not

wasting my time.

Do you see the dog?

He's invisible!

We're looking for the kid!

Who are you guys?

Where's Chad?

That's what we're about

to find out, sweetheart.

You're gonna help us

lure that kid out

and find his rotten dog.

Abner? What does he

have to do with this?

Everything.

Would you shut up?

You, too.

Hey, kid!

We got your little

sweetheart here!

Why don't you come out before

your girlfriend gets hurt?

Actually, we're just

good friends.

Oh, you better hope

he's sweet on you.

Excuse me,

but have you guys ever done

this kind of thing before?

- Yeah. One time I stole gum...

- Would you shut up?

Keep your hands

where I can see 'em, kid.

No more stink bombs.

No funny business.

Sophie, I'm sorry you got

mixed up in all this.

That's okay, Chad.

What is "this" anyway?

Well, it's a long story.

Hey, you guys can

chitchat later.

We got some business

to attend to.

You got something we want,

and we got

something you want.

So you wanna exchange Abner

for Sophie, is that right?

It's that simple.

Uh, where is Abner,

and why do these guys want him?

I'm right here,

sweet potato.

And these two morons want me

because I'm invisible.

Chad, your dog's invisible?

Cool!

You're darn right it's cool.

Too cool for these fools.

And he can talk, too.

This is all very, very weird.

- I know.

- But totally awesome!

Yeah, yeah.

Excuse me.

Do you you two lovebirds

wanna talk about anything else?

- Nope.

- Then shut up!

All right, let's get

down to business.

- Kane.

- Yes?

- Go grab the mutt.

- Okay.

No funny business, kid.

Ya got me?

Now, when Kane grabs the mutt,

then you'll get

your little cutie back.

Go over there!

Whoa. What's that?

Homemade pepper spray.

Chili peppers and hot sauce.

Oh.

Oh, it's very effective!

- Good job.

- Thank you.

- I can't see!

- Come on!

Oww!

Get 'em!

I'm goin'! I'm goin'!

Oww!

Would you...

get off of me?

Stupid!

All right. You go that way,

I'll go this way.

I said that way!

Front door's open.

We better be careful.

What are those?

Infrared heat sensing.

It shows how many people

are in the house.

Sweet.

Okay, Chad,

so what's the plan?

Sorry, Sophie.

There is no plan.

This is our last stand.

That's right.

Your last stand!

Just like you're the Alamo,

and we're the Indians!

There were no Indians

at the Alamo.

Oh, yeah? Who says?

- I do.

- Oh.

Abner, where are you?

I'm over here.

And so am I.

There's at least four.

It looks like trouble.

Hah!

You're all thumbs, mate!

Right in the como se llama!

Didn't see that coming,

did you?

Oh, yeah! I love spare ribs.

Yum yum yum yum yum.

Meow.

Hey, where'd that cat

come from?

Cat? Did someone say cat?

Uh-oh.

- I got him!

- Let me go!

- I got him!

- Abner!

Give me that!

All right, let's go.

Sir, we may have

a hostage situation.

Looks like our suspects

are already inside.

We can't take any chances,

Jackie.

If the suspects are in there,

we need to take them out.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes