About Alex Page #2

bathroom in here?

Use the one upstairs.

Trust me.

Isaac is calling.

Hey, what's up?

Really?

Can your +1 not use a GPS?

I thought young people

were good at those things.

Be nice, Sarah.

Isaac is close, but lost.

You know what?

I'll just drive

out and meet him.

I'm gonna go get some firewood.

I'm gonna go pee in nature.

I'll stay and watch Alex.

I mean I'll...

Put on some pasta for dinner.

That sound good?

That sounds great.

You want to come with me?

Yeah, I'll come with you.

Great.

You clearly have no idea

what you're doing, do you?

F*** you.

Here, give me it.

I know.

Let me try again.

No.

No?

No.

I thought you all of calc

21, and then you went off

and you did better

than me on the exam.

I'm not teaching you

how to chop wood.

It's not my fault you

have performance anxiety.

I perform just fine.

You don't have to

cook, you know.

It's okay.

It's the only thing

that relaxes me.

Really?

It's just...

Been a while since

I've seen everyone.

You know, if you need to

get something off your

chest, you should...

I don't need you of all

people to give me advice on...

I'm sorry.

No, it's...

I didn't mean that.

It's a fair point.

What?

They...

Are here.

Oh.

She's hot.

Your...

Your b*obs are bigger.

That's not true.

That's not true.

Ugh.

No they're not.

Hey!

Look who I found.

Hey handsome.

Oh, you didn't have to fly all

the way across the country.

Are you kidding me? I wanted to.

Alex, Kate.

Kate, Alex.

Hey, I-I've heard

a lot about you.

I've heard a lot about you.

What the f*** are those?

That's how you say "hi" now?

They're shiny and pointy.

They're Italian, motherf***er.

You look like a lumberjack.

Oh, dude, if you'd told us

you were coming out of the

closet we could've

thrown you a party.

I told you my

friends are awesome.

Um, is there a

bathroom I could-

upstairs!

Dinner is almost ready.

Hey.

Yeah.

Sarah, this pasta is delicious.

Mm, it is pasta and

sauce from a can.

Tomorrow, I'll make

something real.

Instagram tells me you're

still cooking a lot.

Instagram lies.

Unless Ramen counts.

So that's what being

a lawyer's like.

Fulfilling all your

hopes and dreams?

Not all of us can stand to

destroy the planet on the

backs of hedge funds.

That's not what I meant.

I'm just saying, look, we

graduated, aside, aside

from you, at the onset of

the worst recession in 80 years.

History says that most of

us will never regain the

income levels that we

might have otherwise enjoyed.

Isaac here is a beautiful anomaly,

and for that, we salute him.

Thanks pal.

Appreciate it.

How's the uh, how's your

PhD going?

Mm.

What's that supposed to mean?

It's just a simple question.

Nah, it's had subtext.

Oh, you want the subtext?

Of course I want the subtext.

Don't you know who

you're talking to?

Did you forget who I am?

Okay, so how's life up on

your academic high horse,

uh, looking down on the

rest of us and despairing

about the decline

of our culture?

It's comments like those,

Isaac, that make me despair.

Actually, Josh, sorry, but

I'd like to know what the

hell you're doing there too.

Yeah, all joking aside,

what are you writing about?

I'm writing about the

future of biography.

How our ever-expanding

digital footprint, emails,

texts, tweets, will inform

our understanding of

history and ourselves.

Which is ironic.

Why?

Because I hate the modern world.

Which era would you

rather have lived in?

I'm sorry, what was

your name again?

It was Kate?

- Kate? Kate.

- Josh...

I'm just saying,

I'm sorry. It's Kate? Kate?

Yeah.

The only thing I hate

more than the present is

nostalgia for the past.

Hey, you don't have to do that.

No, no let me do something.

Nope!

You want to take shifts?

He's compensating for the

fact that he can't chop wood.

Oh my God, when'd you

get so mean, Josh?

You're so mean.

Probably the same time you

traded in for those shoes.

This whole footwear smear campaign

is really cutting me deep.

It's a real shame.

Maybe you should commit suicide.

What?

Is it too s-

Alex is laughing.

Look at that.

That's a good joke.

So how did you and Isaac meet?

Mm...

It's embarrassing.

Why?

Well, I was an, I was an

intern at his office, but

we didn't start dating

until after I left, of course.

Of course.

I think it's sweet.

Hey, I found two.

Great.

Thanks.

So are you going

to go with that?

Uh...

There's a whole chapter

devoted to hair implants.

You have to do it in his voice.

Or, no. Exhibit B: The mature

man's guide to style.

Oh my God, do not move.

Hold that up right now.

Please, just pose

with the cover please.

Oh yeah.

Would you like to hear

the section on hair plugs?

How's your novel, Ben?

It's good.

It'll be done soon.

Is it better or worse

than your New York story?

It is, without a doubt, longer.

God, I loved that story.

It was so good.

It's the only reason

Siri went out with me.

That's not true.

That's true.

- That's not true.

- It's true.

Maybe a little bit.

I think I still

have a copy here.

You know what we should do?

We should stage a

dramatic reading.

That is not going to happen.

Can you imagine?

Everybody would participate.

I'll be the roommate,

you could play...

Josh, really it's fine.

Sarah.

What?

Enough with the

f***ing pictures.

I'm sorry, I'm recording

this for posterity.

Is that okay?

By what?

By ruining it in the present?

No, that's your job.

Okay, come on.

Hold on, hold on.

That's okay.

Sarah, let me ask you something.

What?

What, what are you going

to do with these pictures, huh?

Are you going to post

them on Facebook?

I don't know, maybe.

Would that make you mad?

You're clinically obsessed.

I like to see what

my friends are up to. Big deal.

So what, your news feed

tells you that Isaac got a

new pair of Italian

loafers or Ben, Ben wrote

a, a funny headline for

the post, and that makes

you feel like you

still know somebody?

Yeah, kind of, because

that's what people do now, Josh.

People who care, at least.

Well, you know what,

I'm sorry, but maybe I'd

rather be in the f***ing

dark as to what people are

up to than mistake some

false level of intimacy

for friendship.

That is such bullshit.

We're still friends.

Isaac is on his BlackBerry

sending emails to San

Francisco right now.

Enough. Isaac...

Yeah?

Remember when I got

stoned for the first time?

When we went to the

natural history museum?

I remember you freaking out.

Yeah.

And you had to make me

dance and make me feel better?

And you did the devil dance?

Oh my God.

Devil dance.

Devil dance?

- I totally

- it's my favorite thing.

I thought you hated dancing.

Isaac doesn't d-, Isaac dances.

Okay, so what was

Isaac like in college?

Dorky.

Uncultured.

Pretty much exactly

what he is right now.

I was pretty dorky.

Okay, so you were

really adorable.

Yeah, thanks.

So what do you do, Kate?

I work at a suicide and

crisis hotline for teens

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