Abracadabra

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1

You never blow your whistle!

Blow, a**hole!

I can see it from here. Blow!

Jesus!

Come on! Come on!

Yes!

Why did you blow?

Why is it disallowed?

What?

Fine.

- You look just like her.

- Really, honey?

- It isn't too much?

- No! It's f***ing dope.

I'm gonna burn your tongue

in the curling iron. Watch your mouth!

Come on, Madrid!

What are you dribbling for?

A**hole!

Pass it!

Pass it!

How does it look?

Bad, bad, bad.

Barcelona is all over us.

Foul him! Do something!

Beer!

Penalty!

That was a clear foul!

- Dad.

- That's a penalty!

- Dad!

- F***ing a**hole!

- Dad!

- What?

We're not gonna make it, Carlos.

Sure, we've got plenty of time.

Come on, hup two!

I,

Fernando,

...take you, Isabel,

...to be my wife.

I give myself to you,

and I promise to be faithful,

...through good times and bad,

Your tie!

In sickness and in health,

every day of my life,

...until death do us part.

I, Isabel,

...take you, Fernando,

...to be my husband...

I give myself to you...

...and I promise to be faithful...

...in sickness and in health,

...every day of my life...

...until death do us part.

If anyone here present

objects to this union,

...speak now or forever hold your peace.

In the name of our Lord,

I pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

No!

No what?

No...

What happened?

F***!

I knew it!

Goal for Barcelona!

You're beyond repair.

What kind of moron does that?

Setting a wedding date

on the day of the Cup Final!

My nephew planned it a year ago.

He didn't know.

Everyone knows that!

Come here!

- What was the score?

- 0-1.

- Who scored?

- The midget.

Messi! Jesus F***ing Christ!

- Where's the rice?

- What rice?

The rice!

I called earlier and

your husband said you'd bring it.

Tell me that's not true,

Carlos...

Long live the bride and groom!

OK, everyone eyes over here.

Squeeze in on the end there.

Listen up!

Cousin Carmen!

- Hello, Pepe.

- Beautiful! Just like Madonna.

What's that about Maradona, jerkoff?

Busting my balls over Bara?

Douchebag! I'll kick your ass!

Watch it!

Time for the picture.

Everyone, say "cheese!"

Cheese!

- This time with feeling!

- Cheese!

Carlos, Carlos!

Let's dance?

Look! That skirt is so short,

her ass is hanging out.

For Christ's sake.

She's at that age.

Ladies and gentlemen,

...tonight it is my pleasure to introduce...

...a hypnosis show

like no other in the world...

...that will open a door to the beyond,

...to the fourth dimension.

I give you,

...the one and only...

Peter Strauss.

- Could he get any dumber?

- Carlos, please!

Good evening. Welcome.

Congratulations to the bride and groom.

Thank you.

For my first act of hypnosis

this evening,

I'll need the help of a volunteer.

Is there a volunteer in the audience?

Just one.

Don't all stand up at once.

Not you, Mom.

They'll think it's faked.

It's alright.

Any other volunteer?

No round of applause

for the volunteer?

Welcome.

Can you please tell us your name?

Cut the crap, Peter Strauss.

OK, "Mr. Cut-the-crap", please...

...take a seat.

Keep a close eye on my hand

and focus on my finger.

Gradually, you'll start to feel

your eyelids getting heavy.

Your eyes feel heavy.

You're getting very, very sleepy.

One...

...two...

...three...

Sleep.

You start going down

an endless escalator...

...which will take you

to the depths of your own mind.

Ten... nine...

...eight... seven...

...deeper...

...six... five...

...four... three...

...deeper and deeper...

...two...

...one...

...zero.

The lights come on

and you're in a white world.

Endless and white.

Good. You're now under my control.

When I say the word "Abracadabra",

...you will open your eyes

and do everything I tell you.

I am your master.

Abracadabra.

Abracadabra!

Stand up.

Take two steps.

Eat this delicious apple.

Eat my dick!

What a dope!

You took it too far.

No, it's fine.

Sadly, tiny brains

like "Mr. Cut-the-crap's..."

...don't allow themselves

to be hypnotized.

The show must go on,

...so I need another volunteer.

Any volunteer?

How do you turn it off?

Quit clicking around, Carlos!

Any other volunteer?

Mom, you want to come up now?

Where are you going?

Once again, "Mr. Cut-the-crap".

What are you doing, man?

- You're hurting me!

- Carlos!

Carlos, let him go!

Now!

Who are you?

It was a joke.

I didn't find it funny.

Don't get like that over a joke.

Someone needs to teach

that fraud a lesson,

...just for the way he looks at you!

He undresses you!

Do you ever look at me?

Do you look at me, Carlos?

Of course I do.

Good morning.

Why didn't you wake me up?

I wanted to let you rest.

What is that?

Your breakfast.

You know...

I'm still really mad at you.

Do you want it here

or in the living room?

Pepe, I need to see you.

There's a problem.

Carlos is acting really weird.

You wouldn't believe me,

if I told you. I swear.

Alfalfa, Renata, Goliath.

Suspect is a white female,

...redhead, in Frozen Foods.

Send back-up.

Alfalfa, Renata, Goliath. Mayday!

Christ almighty, you scared me!

I'm working.

Stick with me.

Pepe, I want you to tell me the truth.

Did you know

what you were doing to my Carlos?

We have to go see

my teacher, Dr. Fumetti.

Pepe, where the f*** are you?

I'll call you later.

Three, two, one... wake up!

You saw it with your own eyes.

Pain doesn't exist.

It is all in the mind.

See?

Give this couple a round of applause

for taking part...

...in this extraordinary experiment.

Your case interests me

for two reasons:

Pepe here is an outstanding

student of mine,

...and because Rasputin Lomax,

my mentor and friend,

...would've done the same for me.

Bring your husband

to my office tomorrow.

But don't tell him

the reason for your visit.

Of course.

You're fine paying, right?

I left my wallet upstairs.

Sure. You got any cash?

I had to come today?

It had to happen sometime.

- Carlos Lpez?

- Yes.

The doctor will see you now.

- Where are you going, Carmen?

- I'll come in with you.

Open your mouth.

Wider!

Let's see those cavities.

Lower right:
9, 6...

Lower left:
8, 6, 5...

Upper right:

9, 7, 6, 5...

When was the last time

you saw a dentist?

When we got married.

21 years ago.

But I never get toothaches.

An occasional twinge...

Rosario, we're going to need "The Rack".

Have you ever hear

of mental anesthesia?

Mental anesthesia

is a telekinetic, sensory state...

...that allows us to operate without

using traditional anesthesia.

It's for your own safety.

Now, look into that light.

If you don't relax,

...this will hurt a teeny bit.

Now...

Feel my hand.

Your eyelids feel heavy,

...your body feels heavy,

...you are overcome

by a very pleasant deep sleep.

When I count three, two, one,

...if there is someone inside you,

please, show yourself...

...and answer my questions.

Three... two... one...

Open your eyes.

What is your name?

Sorry. Hold on...

Tito.

It's short for Alberto.

How old are you?

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