Accidental Love

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Thanks.

That's good for business.

Thank you.

Excuse me!

That's a hell of a move, darling.

I never get tired of it.

- Thanks, Mom.

- Maybe take your hair down.

- Why?

- Scott came to see us yesterday.

What does that have to do with my hair?

Did he come and get his belt sander?

No. He came to get our blessings.

What?

Wow.

Hi, Scott.

He is so awesome. What a dreamboat.

You get everything.

Nobody gets everything, Brenda. You hang in there.

- Vintage Cruising Night looks great.

- Yeah, it does.

You notice anything... different?

Maybe how you're feeling today

or how I'm feeling today?

Nah, I got the... got the...

Oh, you got the new Bluetooth Oakleys.

Oh, that's exciting.

It is exciting. But guess who had to pay

for them? Me. Can you believe that?

- Oh, that's so not right.

- Well, it's the principle.

We shouldn't have to pay to do our jobs.

80% of police authority comes

from controlling eye contact

like I'm doing here right here with you. See?

Anyway... I wanna talk about tonight.

- OK.

- I'm taking you to a special dinner.

Got your shift covered. Don't worry

about it. I already talked to Bobby.

- Right now?

- Right now.

- Where we going?

- Only the best restaurant in town.

- No way.

- Yeah, The Fancy Gondola.

- So cool.

- It's right there.

All these people, most of them are like lawyers,

- and professionals, and judges, and stuff.

- Wow.

Alice...

This was voted best alfredo in

Smith County three years in a row.

- We've been dating for... what, eight months now?

- Yeah?

And I will never forget the first

day you skated up to my motorcycle.

And our eyes met.

Excuse me, do you know how long it's gonna be?

Yeah, about 25 minutes, tops.

- I don't mind if you eat while I work.

- Let's just move to another table.

No, no, we're not moving. They

don't have anything else.

This is the best table. It's the Gondola table.

- It's the Gondola table.

- It's romantic.

- It's very romantic.

- Took me two weeks to get it.

Or I would have been doing this two weeks ago.

Alice, I love you for who you are.

For richer or poorer. In sickness and in health.

- You are my precious honeycomb cluster.

- Excuse me, sir. Is there an issue?

- The ambiance is a little nail gunning.

- Right.

I planned this with your restaurant. I

don't know why this is all happening.

Who's the genius who decided to do

construction during all of this?

This is outrageous. I can't-I

can't believe this. This is...

- My whole marriage proposal's ruined.

- No, it's not, Scotty. Go, go.

Alright, we're very sorry, sir.

Just bear with us another minute.

Oh, it's too tight.

I mean, it's perfect. I mean, my finger's too big.

The honeycomb cluster does have large knuckles.

Yes, yes, I will marry you.

From the bottom of my heart...

it would be my honor to be...

It's imbedded deep in the forward

part of the left front lobe.

Two inches below the scalp.

We have to be extremely careful, or

she could be brain damaged, for life.

Wait! She has no insurance. Shut it down.

Thank you, Arlene. You're an angel.

Oh, I'm starving. Where'd those hamburgers go?

You have to operate. This is an emergency.

Emergency. That's a very interesting word.

A gunshot wound, or the belly is

bleeding, that's an emergency.

This girl's not bleeding. She can

get up and walk right out of here.

Might be an emergency, in a week

or a month, but not today. Also...

I am sick and tired of uninsured

25-year-olds coming in here,

and expecting our services, for free.

Plus, we're liable, which means

we could end up paying you.

Why don't you just file a lawsuit

against The Fancy Gondola?

With the courts and all, it

would take years to collect.

Wait. How much could this cost, anyway?

How could it be $150,000 to pull a nail out?

It's brain surgery.

It's stuck in the sesamoid bone that's

behind the nose. It's deep. It's not good.

Maybe we could get married and

then I can be on Scott's plan.

OK, then the nail would be a preexisting

condition and the insurer won't pay.

Well, what if we just leave it in there?

You know, I-I think I-I feel like

I've seen this on the Internet.

You know, some rocker dude has nails

in his head and he's fine. I could be fine.

It depends on where it is. And

yours is in a super unlucky place.

OK, how unlucky are we talking, Doc? I

deal with odds on a daily basis, OK?

That's my job. What are the odds of

Alice being completely messed up?

She could lose mouth motor

control, have slurred speech.

Have a lifetime of heavy drooling.

Not a fun wife.

Well, our love is stronger

than that, right, Scotty?

Scotty? Scotty?

Let's just s-see what the doctors have to say.

Another option, if the nail

shifts within the lobe, uh...

then she's likely to lose

all kinds of inhibitions.

- Oh, that's really good, right?

- Yeah, that could be good.

Frankly, that's, uh... kind of a pain in the ass.

Might be good for sex.

Wow! Now, maybe I can finally have an orgasm.

OK, honey. So, private.

I already told you that 50 to 60% of women

don't have orgasms from intercourse.

What about you starting gentle like I asked?

And then taking it at the

angle that I really like?

Anyway, so.

The nail in this lobe, um, could actually

cause her fits of panic, um, unpredictable moments

- of wrath, rage, anger.

- Ah, yeah, I read that same article.

And she could start speaking, uh...

fragments of a foreign language

that maybe she was exposed to as a child.

It's crazy, but it happens.

I've seen it once before.

Oh, my God. Remember Portuguese

Jimena, my babysitter?

I wanted her to be in the bridesmaid.

Yeah, yeah, Jimena...

- yeah, the babysitter.

- What are you doing?

Needs to be resized, right?

Well, are we still engaged?

- Let's just...

- We are, right?

Let's focus on fixing your head, right now.

And take it from there, OK?

This will give you good luck for now.

Did you just exchange her

engagement ring for a chicken foot?

OK, first of all, it's a hawk talon. It's

very meaningful to me. Alice knows that.

It's brought me great luck over

the years... 90% of the time.

How's my baby?

- Oh, Mom. Dad.

- Oh, baby.

Will you please pay for my surgery?

- Well, sure we will.

- Hawk talon's working already.

- How much is it?

- 150,000.

150,000?

We don't have that kind of money.

I thought I was on your health plan.

Oh, no, baby. That stopped

when you were 22, remember?

We gave you the choice to have

basic healthcare or a credit card

- that Daddy would pay up to 500 a year.

- Yeah. I remember.

At the time, I thought the

credit card sounded more fun,

but now I think insurance sounds like more fun.

That's the way it goes.

Bob, we could take out a second

mortgage on the house to pay for this.

- Yes.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

No, no, no. We already have a

second mortgage on the house.

Well, didn't somebody get engaged today?

- That's... that's on... hold.

- What?

- Yeah.

- Oh, no. Oh, no, no.

- You are still engaged.

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