Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls Page #2

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You're right.

"Do not pass go.

Do not collect two hundred dollars."

It's lovely, but I fancy myself

an autumn.

If you've quite finished, Mr. Ventura...

...we might make for

the projection room.

Kookie.

I'd like you to meet Hitu, chief

of tribal security in the province.

Please!

Don't...

...get up.

At this point,

we don't have any leads...

...but we've had similar

problems in the past.

Sorry.

This is Derrick McCane...

...spotted several times in the province

in the past year. He makes a living...

...from rare and endangered species.

These two are Australians.

The bald one is Mick Katie.

The other is said to have

been raised by abori...

...aborigines.

The natives call him...

Call him Gahjii...

...the hunter.

Both are known poachers

and have been seen in the area!

This wedding's in four days.

I cannot have bloodshed here!

We're counting on you!

Hi-ho, Silver!

Away!

I've assigned Greenwall to assist you.

Before you go, Mr. Ventura...

...I'd like to show you

something you may enjoy.

As one animal lover to another.

Something wrong, Mr. Ventura?

Of course not.

There is a lovely room of death.

Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.

Down, Boba!

Mr. Ventura, how could you?!

Now, Mr. Ventura, I think

the village is about a mile ahead.

Excellent.

Flat tire!

I think this joke has run

its course, don't you?

Certainly.

I prostrate myself before you

and beg forgiveness.

Don't get me wrong.

I do enjoy the occasional prank.

It's just that my heel

is getting rather raw.

We love you, dark continent!

Good night!

Listen!

The majestic song of

the male silverback gorilla.

We should move along. It's their mating

season and they can get rather hostile.

Excuse me, Mr. Ventura.

I have to rest.

Of course you do!

The Wachatis believe they draw

their power from these caves.

Now they live in fear since

their sacred bat has vanished.

Bat?!

What...

...bat?

The one we're here to find,

Mr. Ventura.

You didn't say anything about a bat.

What's the difference?

What's the difference?

Have you seen one? They're hideous.

Lifeless, beady eyes, clawed feet,

huge grotesque wings. Even fangs.

They give you rabies.

Yes, quite. I see your point.

But are you saying

that you won't take the case?

No.

As a being of light, I must show

compassion for all living things.

Good.

I'm not touching it, though!

No, spank you.

The Wachati are a peaceful people.

They find all forms of life sacred.

I like them already.

Bumbawae Atuna.

Nice to see you.

Bumblebee Tuna.

Bumblebee Tuna.

Ace Ventura, pet detective.

How are you?

All righty, then.

Excuse me.

Your balls are showing.

Bumblebee Tuna.

They have lived in the same state

for thousands of years.

They did not know about disease

until the white man came.

What's going on over here?

All young Wachati warriors

must face five days...

...of balance and concentration.

Should he lose his focus and fall...

...he must start over again.

Earthquake test!

He's good.

With my help, he could be the best.

We should see the chief,

Mr. Ventura.

This way.

Neato!

The chief says he knew you would come.

Chim-chiminy chim-chim-cheroo!

The chief has not understood

the dialect you're using.

Say I'm happy to meet him.

And that his sacred...

...bat...

...is as good as found.

My goodness. The chief

really seems to like you.

That is a great sign of affection

in the Wachati tribe.

Really?

This is the chief's son, Ouda.

The missionaries came through

and taught him English.

I like you!

My...

Aren't I the popular one?

Allow me to display my affection.

It is the mucus...

...that binds us.

The chief says that

the sacred hut is over there.

How'd they pass the guard?

I'm afraid he was found shortly after...

...sleeping.

At ease, soldier.

We all make mistakes.

Quite an auspicious dwelling

for a filthy, flying weasel.

Please, Mr. Ventura!

That is sacred ground. I'm sorry,

but only the Wachati are allowed there.

Take it easy.

I'm the lougie guy, remember?

Yes, yes, Chief. Thank you.

Thank you.

The chief says that unless

the sacred bat is returned...

...before the marriage of the princess,

the Wachati tribe will meet their death.

What type of bat are we talking about?

The great white bat, of course.

Crepuscular Chiroptera?

But to the natives:

Shikaka.

Shikasha!

Shish kebab.

"Shawshank Redemption."

Chicago!

You're out of there!

Go on. You're gone. Go on!

Were you going to eat these?

I've got to inspect that cage.

My, my, my.

This fruit paste is delicious!

The pottery is lovely!

It's made from guano.

Guano?

That sounds so familiar.

Bat droppings.

It's a chief resource of the Wachati.

They use it to make many things.

Yummy!

Now this is really fascinating.

This is a great Wachati tradition.

The virgin's dance of seduction.

I am now a holy man.

I think of women only

as mothers of our children.

They are a sanctuary for

the reproductive organs.

A temple to house

the miracle of procreation.

Do you have $1?

Thank you so much!

I've not danced in years!

Hi.

Don't mind me.

Sleep.

Sleep!

Fe... Fi!

Fo... fum!

I smell the fingerprints of scum!

Better dust the place.

Totally clean.

Not one damn clue.

Unless...

Here she comes. Oh, boy.

Holy, holy, holy, holy.

Good thoughts in, bad thoughts out.

You have come to help us.

We are in...

...great appreciation.

You...

...speak English.

Yes!

The missionaries came with books.

You are very good with that!

It's incredibly accurate.

Care to try?

Not bad!

Try again. Relax your shoulders.

Breathe.

And release.

There you go!

You make me smile.

And yet...

...I am troubled.

You see...

...the man my father

wants me to marry...

...I am worried I will not please him.

I've never known a man.

I'd love to help.

But you see...

...I have vowed

to take a life of celibacy.

Well...

Perhaps this...

...will assist your decision.

Those are very nice.

But I am a child of light.

A pure spirit.

I'm no longer encumbered

by sexual appetites.

Oh, mama, oh, mama...

...oh, mama, oh, mama...

I'm so sorry Mr. Ventura...

That's okay.

I was just...

...practicing my mantra.

I thought you wanted

to visit the sacred caves?

I do!

Meet me outside in 10 minutes.

If I don't finish my meditation...

...I tend to get a little cranky.

Take care, now. Bye-bye, then.

Everything here seems good!

Big load off my mind!

You can speculate all you want,

but unless you check it out yourself...

...you never know.

Let's go back.

Don't you think you should investigate?

There's no reason to go in there. Ever.

I sense it as a holy man.

- You said you wanted...

- It's dark!

I could fall into a precipice.

Take this.

Spank you, Helpy Helperton.

I am not afraid!

I am not afraid.

I really like it here.

My medallion!

I will fear no living creature...

...as long as I keep this near me.

Take that, you winged spawn of Satan!

That's okay.

All I really need is my torch.

Die, devil bird!

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