Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls

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(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)

Negative. No sign.

PILOT:
Wait a second. I think I got him.

ACE:
You know...

you could put somebody's eye out with that thing.

We airlifted out the last passengers.

We're heading out.

What about the animal cargo?

Don't worry about it.

it's just one little raccoon.

If I were you, I'd turn back.

Yeah?

Well, if you were me, then i'd be you, and i'd use your body to get to the top.

You can't stop me, no matter who you are.

(LAUGHING)

Loser!

(HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING)

Lo-o-o...

...s-e-r.

(BIRD CHIRPING)

ACE:
Hungry fella?

(GURGLING)

That ought to hold you for a while.

(GROANS)

(SPIKE CHATTERING)

That's okay, Spike.

There's nothing more we can do.

(RACCOON SCREECHES)

-Look, Spike!

-(CHATTERING)

(SCREECHING)

Do not fret...

...my little woodland friend, for your life is in the hands of Ace Ventura...

...Pet Detective.

(SQUEALS)

Whatever you do...

(GRUNTS)

...don't look down.

(SQUEAKS)

(SCREECHES)

(EXCLAIMS) Woah!

-(GRUNTING)

-(SCREECHING)

Hang on!

Hang on, little buddy!

ACE:
(GROANING) I got you.

I think I got you.

Uh, maybe not.

You're slipping.

(SCREECHING)

-Don't let go!

-(SCREECHES)

(GROANS)

(SCREAMS) No!

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(DOOR OPENS HEAVY)

(CHANTING)

My goodness.

(EXCLAIMING)

Well, hello.

Yes.

Well, now, that was quite a shock.

It's-- (STAMMERS)

It's extremely nice to meet you.

Now, my name is Fulton Greenwall, and I am looking for an Ace Ventura.

No man here carries with him a label.

-What?

-Oh, yes.

No names. How silly of me.

Well...

...um, he's an American.

We are all children of the shame life force.

Yes, of course we are.

Well, he bends over, and he speaks from his rear.

-Oh, him.

-Right this way.

He came to us a broken man.

He had lost the will to sustain his existance.

Yes.

I heard about that unfortunate accident with the raccoon.

It was terrible for him...

...but the life force once again smiled upon him.

He's now at peace.

(SHEEP BLEATING)

I will wait here.

(GROWLING)

(SCREAMING)

(EXCLAIMS)

ACE:
(WHISPERS) I must apologize.

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