Action

Fergusson, don't be an idiot !

We know you're in there !

Surrender. Think of your mother.

I don't have a mother.

- Then your father.

- I don't have a father either.

- Your sister.

- Not a sister, either.

- Your aunt.

- No aunt.

Think about what you want, but come

out with your hands to heaven !

I don't know how to think about hell

or heaven, just killing and dying !

Here I am, cops !

Seven, eight... One, two.

What the hell is he doing ?

Stop ! Is he mad ?

Even scums now dare do crazy things !

- Calm down.

- Tell him to get lost !

Sorry. He thought he was doing

something nice.

- It was an idea.

- You get lost too !

In police films, he is professionaI.

After 30 films...

After 30 films, he still hasn't

been successfuI !

Is it possible

that while someone is dying

he starts dancing like Gene Kelly

in ''Singing in the Rain'' ?

- That was James Cagney.

- I'll stick him to my balls.

And to James Cagney's balls,

I'll stick that shitface !

But I can't stick an agent Iike you

to his balls

- because he doesn't have any !

- Do you want to see them ?

Show them to your sister !

Why are they so low ?

You should have them under your chin

because you're a cock face !

Get out ! Go on, get out !

Go away !

Piselleschi, another one !

I thought that in inventing

my death,

he wouId understand that death

is not to be underestimated.

Dangerous actions, especially

when you do them without telling me.

As your agent I must know how you

want to ruin yourself and me.

You can't throw away a fortune.

What fortune ?

Your body.

A body in cinema is important.

It's everything.

But one must know how to expIoit it.

You need a bright director,

not one like Hungry Dog.

You are my agent. Find one.

I already did.

- I toId big Woody about you.

- Who is he ?

- The biggest director today.

- Never heard of him.

That's natural.

Critics, urged on by competition,

ignore his fiIms.

- Let me see.

- What're you doing ? It's a mole.

- What type of films does he make ?

- Suited to masses, easy.

But for a cuItured

and refined audience.

BeIow a superficial simplicity,

there are messages, meanings,

transfigurations,

profane impIications.

Bergman is Ridolini

compared to him.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Right.

Didn't you want to be an artist ?

This is your chance.

This is the address.

Go and tell him I sent you.

You're not an agent,

you're a friend, a brother.

- How can I thank you ?

- Give me 30% .

- Okay. I'll run to big Woody.

- Stop !

I caII him that, but for you

he is Woudruf Vandenberg Scott.

- What is your name ?

- What ?

- What is your name ?

- Bruno Martel.

- Never heard of it.

- It was a pIeasure.

I didn't want to offend you, but

to take care of your human problem.

- It's taken care of. I don't exist.

- But you want to exist.

- Yes.

- For yourseIf or for others ?

- For others.

- You want to satisfy the audience.

What biggest desire, than continued

unsatisfied sex, haunts man ?

From your words, I notice

the typicaI perpIexity of orphans.

You guessed. As a Frenchman,

I onIy know Nouvelle vague.

Nouvelle vague has become an oId

wave that, upon drawing back,

has left crabs, shrimps,

suffocating fish, chamber pots and...

- And shitfaces !

- I understand.

Show me I am wrong.

I propose a dilemma.

Has art become pornography

or has pornography become art ?

Did you ever ask yourseIf ?

Yes, but why must I be a pioneer

of pornographic art ?

If we'd already be at a point

where the critics say,

''Liv Ullmann's bIow job comes

from a good school.''

''De Niro carried out his

jerk off with extreme vigor.''

''Jane Fonda's ass is very

communicative in the finaI scene''.

If we had come to this,

I'd show more enthusiasm.

My boy, I wouId write up Laurence

OIivier if that were the case,

- not an unknown like you.

- The producer.

- Martel.

- Hello.

Our product is the onIy serious

thing cinema makes now.

Without looking for other things.

Here is the money

and here is your performance.

No probIem.

You seem okay to me.

Sorry, but I didn't understand.

What film are you taIking about ?

What is my part ?

We'll see during the screen test.

Do what you do in life.

Then you'll thank me.

- Do so naturally.

- I see, a pornographic film.

One ? Two, three !

Until you resist.

We assure you a future.

We'll wait for events to take place

and then sign a contract.

I don't do it for money,

but for need.

How much ?

Pull out the merchandize.

- What ?

- Show your dick.

If I don't see the merchandize,

how can I estabIish the vaIue ?

- Actually...

- Come on. Down with your trousers !

Hurry up.

How tiresome !

- What a knock out !

- Not bad.

Is your erection difficuIt, easy,

resistant... How is it ?

There's no problem.

San Pancrazio from Portobello, save

us from the lighting of this bird.

Saint Veronica from BatacIava, save

us from the earthquake of this dick.

- Miracle !

- Holy, sh*t. How do you do it ?

It's a secret.

A star is born !

I wiII be your pygmaIion !

- Morgana, I am too nervous.

- Anne, it's over in a haIf hour.

You are a professionaI.

- Hey, get out of there !

- It's you !

- What're you doing here ?

- Finally we ceIebrate !

The worId is rotten,

but sooner or Iater it pays back.

- Did you sign a new contract ?

- I'm full of money.

- We'II spend it together tonight.

- Get the hell out of here !

I have a gift for you.

- What is it ?

- Open it. You'll see.

WiII you get the hell out of here

or not ?

- You coming to the producer too ?

- I'm tired.

- I posed an hour.

- You paused and are tired ?

- I said ''posed''.

- Oh, ''rose'' !

I rose too, but I'm not tired.

I am, if you want

to pIay with fire.

No, not tonight.

I need tenderness.

- Did you Iike the gift ?

- What gift ?

I forgot it on the set !

What was it ?

It's as if I brought you

a piece of sh*t instead of a gift.

You didn't even Iook at it.

Thanks.

Why did you give it to me ?

- It's not the first time.

- It's Iike a pay back this time.

- That's not so.

- Then why are you compIaining ?

For everything.

I am tired of your hero attitude.

- You're a shitface who thinks...

- That's makes three !

Shitfaces are like cherries,

one leads to another.

Can't you see I have a Iife

of my own and am satisfied ?

I don't give a darn about

the buIIshit you do,

about your shitty career,

about your crisis that you soIve

in being disappointed with Iife.

These amazing thighs beIong to

the Lumiere brothers,

the pioneers of cinema.

They're all pigs,

but you are the worst.

Bergman is Ridolini compared !

Thanks.

It's a good deaI.

Here are the two Iead roIes.

Bruno MarteI... Come.

And Doris Falci.

Falci, Martel,

what a loveIy couple !

Doris, get to know him, so you

will be more credibIe on the set.

Good girI.

She is a virgin. That is, the first

time she gives it away on the set.

Doris, we'll do enormous

things together.

He is right.

It is important that I Iike you.

I can't do it against my will.

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