Adventure in Baltimore Page #4

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- Good evening.

- Hello, Beehouse.

- Hey, Tom, come on. You're late. You're on first.

- Coming.

Is my tie straight?

Yes.

- I'm sitting with my parents.

- I'll help you find them.

AUDIENCE MEMBERS CHATTER

And now our first speaker, Mr Thomas Wade of the senior class.

TOM CLEARS THROA "Members of the Forum Society and honoured guests,

"equality is that precious state guaranteed to all citizens by the constitution.

"But now I ask you do we have equality?

"And I answer we do not."

"I invite you, ladies and gentlemen, to look carefully at one citizen.

"That uncomplaining, faithful servant who gets no wage.

"That helpless creature without rights.

"The American wife."

- The American wife?

- LAUGHTER

SPORADIC LAUGHTER

"A-A-And...

"And when she is not grudging, what then?

" 'What then?' I say to you."

That mush don't sound like Tom.

I beg your pardon, Mr Beehouse.

Don't get mad. I just can't believe Tom ever thought junk like that.

That's merely because you don't know the real Tom.

"..It is her lord and master who decrees..."

"Members of the Forum Society and..." No.

LAUGHTER:

"..how she shall spend that leisure.

"As his vassal. Not a human being with equal rights,

"but a mere plaything of man."

LAUGHTER:

Shhh! Shhh!

Some people have no manners at all.

"Equality.

"Ladies and gentlemen...

"I laugh."

LAUGHTER:

"Pray, do not take MY word for it.

"Who am I but a humble...woman?"

- I mean, man.

- LAUGHTER CONTINUES

RIPPLES OF LAUGHTER

"Let's go to a truly great human being.

"Let me give you his exact words."

HE CLEARS THROA "The words of the bard Alfred Lord Tennyson

"on the subject of woman's place in marriage.

" 'He will hold thee when his passion shall have spent its novel force.

" 'Something better than his dog. A little dearer than his horse.' "

Bravo! Bravo!

- Bravo! Bravo!

- "There are two choices open to us.

"Either this evil is ended, or woman herself will arise,

"in just wrath, to claim her rights.

"Another declaration of independence will be written."

"And... And I do not have to...

"to be a prophet to tell you...

"that the first words in that new declaration will be..."

SPORADIC LAUGHTER

" 'Until we...' "

" '..women...stand side by side with men in equal freedom...' "

LAUGHTER:

- " '..we will not...' "

- LAUGHTER

" '..share his home or...

- " 'bear his children.' "

- GALES OF LAUGHTER

LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE

ORGANISER:
Just put the chairs against the wall

so the old folks can sit down and you young folks can dance.

What did you do it for? That's all I want to know.

I'm sorry. I forgot to change some of the words.

Forgot? Well, it made me look like a jackass.

You heard them laughing. Everybody thinks I'm a fool.

- Well done, young man. Congratulations.

- Thanks.

I'm Helen Hatley Hamilton, chairman of the Woman's Suffrage Party.

We could use you. Right spirt and the right words.

Too bad you're not a woman.

- You see?

- Congratulations, Tom. Great speech.

- Thanks.

- Yes, sir. Right spirit and the right words.

Too bad you aren't a man. ..May I have this dance?

I'd be delighted, Mr Beehouse.

Hm. I suppose he thought that was funny.

Don't pay any attention. He's merely uncouth.

It's wonderful, the way you delivered it.

You're still angry? Doesn't it make any difference that I liked it?

Of course. All the difference in the world.

THE BAND PLAYS A ONE-STEP

- Would you like some punch?

- Yes.

I've got to say good night to Aunt Lou and Uncle Emery. I'll be right back.

Can't be too soon for me.

Would you care for a glass of punch?

- Thanks.

- I'll get you one.

Di, I'd like to speak to you.

- Why, of course, Tom.

- Privately. Let's go outside for a minute.

Isn't it beautiful out here tonight?

As a matter of fact, it's rather chilly.

We'll skip that.

Right here's as good a place to talk as any.

Yes, Tom.

What is it?

It's about you and me, Di.

Yes, Tom?

I'm not satisfied with this relationship.

It's got to change.

How, Tom?

I just don't want to be seen with you any more.

It isn't only tonight's speech. It's everything.

The time in grammar school and I got in a fight and lost two teeth.

The time I lost my chance to be on the football team when you got me into a row with the coach's sister.

- The time you talked me into buying a course...

- But, Tom, I...

And the time you lost me my job.

And all your other ideas.

Let's just call it quits,

because I don't want anything more to happen.

Especially now, with Bernice and everything.

Please remember that, will you?

Yes, Tom.

Thank you.

- Excuse me.

- Certainly, Tom.

MUSIC:
"Artist's Life" by Johann Strauss

Di.

Hello, Papa.

Isn't it a little cold out here, dear?

Yes. That's what Tom said.

The moon's certainly pretty, shining on the water.

It only hides the sadness underneath.

Life can be like that sometimes.

Beautiful and bright on the surface, still and cold underneath.

Yes, it can.

That's a lovely waltz they're playing. So gay.

Yes, gay if one's gay... sad if one's sad.

Strauss, isn't it?

That's why it's sad.

Why is that, dear?

It was written long ago, about something that's lost for ever.

Something rare and beautiful, that can never be again.

Just a deep pain at the memory of the lost past.

We should never mourn for the past.

Sometimes, it's more beautiful than the future.

ORGANISER:
Ladies and gentlemen, the Grand Waltz Contest!

WALTZ BEGINS:

You know, I haven't danced in ten years.

But I'll bet I can still manage to stay off my partner's toes.

Would you come inside and dance this one with me?

Of course, Papa.

Papa, how do you get to be a missionary?

I, er...

I'll tell you inside.

MUSIC:
"Gold And Silver Waltz" by Lehar

Gee, Pa's a good dancer!

Yes. Oh, yes!

Papa, we've won!

What I wonder is, why would Tom be mad at me?

- I

- can't explain the vagaries of Mr Wade's disposition.

Gee whiz, don't get your dander up!

I'm not perturbed, if that's what you mean by that vulgar slang.

- No! Put him here! He'll choke!

- That's just silly.

You want to kill the guppy?

- He's my guppy.

- He is not!

- You don't know beans about guppies.

- I do! I'll hold him if I want.

He'll die if you hold him.

- There! See?

- He will not.

He knows me...

He will so!

- Children, please.

- FABRIC RIPS

He's different from a fish.

- A guppy IS a fish.

- I told you...

- Let go of my guppy!

All right.

All right. But you wait. Just you wait.

Sorry. Is my working on my sermon in any way disturbing any of you?

- LILY:

- We're sorry, Andrew, dear.

What's the sermon about, Pa?

The power of silence.

Proverbs 17, verse 28.

"Even a fool, when he holdeth his peace, is counted wise

"and he that shutteth his lips is esteemed a man of understanding."

TROMBONE BURPS:

Momma, I'm going out for a little walk.

Fresh air's good for a person before bedtime. I'll sleep better.

Get your hands off that...

- LILY:

- Let's please have no more talking.

Quiet in the court! The monkey's going to speak!

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