After Porn Ends 2 Page #11

I got this fantasy job

That, you know,

I gotta step back

and kind of analyze this here

And say,

"wait a minute.

"you know, I can

choose any woman,

You know, or I could ask

if I can have a scene with her."

And to know that

I'm gonna be with

most amazing women

Is just kind of...

Fantasy come true.

A lot of people have hang up

about me just doing girl/girls,

And oh, it's this,

it's fake and it's sh*t.

They can kiss my ass

'cause it's not.

I don't like, you know,

when a lot of the girl/girls

Have the, you know,

touch tongues or this.

I want a connection where

we can hold tight and sweat

And... Two become as one.

Life is gonna zoom on by

And... You know,

I want to grab and feel things

as much as I can now.

And I feel here

just recently,

I want to grab all this stuff.

And I'm almost in a panic.

It's been years

since I've been interviewed

Or in front of a camera.

Ultimately, this whole industry

Is a big, f***ing

cop out on life.

You wake up,

you're 47 years old,

And you ain't got

a pot to piss in.

Great. 25 years.

Now what are you gonna do?

Okay, I... It's...

Now what?

I remember being

in my childhood house

And I'm thumbing through

a local pennysaver,

And I saw

an ad that said

"wanted:
Figure models."

It was a test shoot

for penthouse.

You know, I'm wearing

my grandmother's silk robe,

And I put on

some lee press-on fingernails,

And we did some makeup

and went to malibu beach.

Test shot

and lo and behold,

It was the centerfold

for December '87.

I was pampered.

I was loved.

I was wanted.

From there is where

I met andrew blake.

And he asked me if I'd be

interested in triple-x.

At the time

I was married

And I said, "yeah, I could

venture into triple-x

As long as it's women only."

You know, out of courtesy

for my husband at the time.

And lo and behold,

"hidden obsessions."

Julia ann and myself were

At that same time dancing

as blondage.

We were on the road and,

you know, I told her

About what has just happened

With, you know, being asked

to do "hidden obsessions."

And she came aboard

and then she and I did

The ice, the infamous

ice dildo scene,

And that won awards, and...

We were rockstars.

come on over

oh, honey, ooh, ooh

said, "come on over"

The bucks were flying in.

I was just buying cars

for my mom,

For my sister,

for this person, that person,

And big houses,

and a lot of stuff.

I didn't know

what to do with it all.

It happened so fast.

I wasn't prepared for it,

Which led me into taxes.

I-- and--

porn star janine lindemulder

is facing federal criminal rap

For failing to pay

about $80,000 in income tax.

lindemulder was named last month

in a misdemeanor accusing her

Of stiffing the irs

for taxes due

On more than $350,000

of income in 2004.

Went to prison, misdemeanor,

Failure to--

Or willful failure

to pay back taxes.

That was kind of--

that was the beginning

Of...

An incredible...

Life-altering nightmare.

janine lindemulder is now locked

in a bitter custody dispute

With sandra bullock

and her husband jesse james.

janine lindemulder says

she's a good mother

And her daughter

is her world.

But bullock and her husband

jesse james have accused her

Of everything from drug use

to child neglect

And are seeking sole custody.

Now that lindemulder

has finished

A six-month prison term

for tax evasion,

She wants her child back,

Setting the power couple up

for a big fight.

when the whole sunny custody

thing is happening...

My ex had his lawyer,

high-priced lawyer.

I'm there, no lawyer...

Totally confused

about the situation.

I'm tatted.

Judge is looking at

what my line of work is.

At one point,

she put her papers down,

Looked me square

in the eyes and said,

You know, "what happened

to you in your childhood

To make you

the way you are?"

And, you know,

she sized me up.

She saw the tattoos,

she sees that you're

a porn star,

And it was pretty much

a done deal.

She...

Without even giving me

an opportunity to state my case,

I lost her.

Being in the industry,

being heavily tattooed

Definitely changed

the course of my life.

You know.

The longer I was away

from my daughter,

The darker my world became.

I then found

myself heavily medicated.

You know, doctors prescribed

anti-depressants,

Anti-anxiety,

and then pain pills

came into play.

Vicodin, absolutely

drug of choice.

Poppin' those tings like candy.

And just anything

to alleviate

Some of the anguish

that I felt.

I found myself...

And this is tough to say,

But, homeless.

Homeless in my van

with my cat,

Just trying to make sense

of what's happened.

Having my daughter

pulled out of my life

In such a...

Harsh manner.

You know, there was

no phone calls.

There was-- I couldn't

tell her I love her.

You know, "I'm sorry,

I don't know what's happening.

I'm trying to get to you."

Everything was so confused

And I felt like

I was at a point of...

I want to check out.

I want to check out.

I can't deal.

I don't have the tools.

When janine was going through

what she went through

With jesse

and the loss of sunny,

I thought I was gonna lose her.

I thought I was gonna lose her.

And because she suffered,

She suffered so,

so deeply.

You know, I couldn't get

the knife out.

I couldn't make it right.

Everything I tried,

it was not enough.

To replace sunny...

Was all I wanted to do,

was get her back

And get her

in her arms again,

And we just

didn't have the power.

We didn't have what,

you know, he had

As far as power and money,

and, you know.

He's an unworthy father and...

I finally have the nerve

to call a suicide hotline.

Call 'em up, I said,

"man, I don't know

what's happening here.

I need to talk

to somebody."

And funny but sad,

The woman picks up the phone

and she says,

"we're really sorry,

but the doctor's not in."

And I'm like,

"are you f***ing kidding me?

Okay. All right,

I'll call back."

So, I'm kind of laughing,

crying at this point

And right then and there,

I said, "okay.

Enough is enough.

I've got to pull this together."

I went to rehab.

I was in rehab

for a month.

And everybody at this point

Thought I was

just out of my mind.

"oh, she's a meth head.

Oh, she's on crack."

No, no, I'm lost.

I'm f***ing heartbroken

beyond words.

At the same time,

I'm subjecting myself

to looking on the internet

And looking at people

comparing me

To america's sweetheart,

sandra bullock, saying,

"well, janine deserves

to lose her kid.

She's this cracked out,

you know, porn whore."

And, you know,

"sandra bullock is, you know,

the best thing for sunny."

And it-- that's just

bringing me down.

And I'm going,

"how am I gonna do this?"

Do I want my daughter

to do what I've done?

F*** no.

No way.

I'm still--

I'm in limbo.

I don't know

what the future holds.

Do I go back to school?

Am I gonna be a waitress?

I don't know.

It's really kind of a...

An odd time

of my life right now.

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