After Sex Page #2

No.

Then no, you're not gay.

But at least

now you're sure.

Yeah.

You sore?

A little.

It gets better.

Yeah?

Yeah.

I don't care.

Whatever.

You know, you don't have

to feel bad about this.

About what?

About us having fun.

There's nothing

wrong with it.

Yeah, I know. I'm just--

I'm not gay, so--

I just saying you don't

have to feel bad about it.

Everyone fools around

at least once,

whether they

admit it or not.

I can't tell you

how many straight boys

I've had this same

conversation with.

What conversation

is that?

The "talk you down from

the ledge" conversation.

What ledge, man?

What are you talking about?

You frat boys,

you're all the same!

You're all caught up in

this bullshit machismo world

that is forced upon you,

so you're afraid to have

a sensitive side.

Bullshit.

Bullshit my ass.

Right now, you're a jumper.

I so wish I knew

what the f***

you were talking

about right now.

You're on the ledge

ready to jump

'cause you can't

deal with the fact

that you liked

having sex with a man.

It's true.

And then I come in and I give you this

whole shtick about how you're not gay

and everyone does it

at least once.

And then eventually, you

come back down off that ledge.

But now you're still left with

a hint of regret and guilt,

and you push it

deep down inside,

and it's locked away,

never to be mentioned again.

Just a distant memory that you'll

come to deny ever even happened.

It's a college campus clich.

The homophobic frat boy

that loves it in the ass,

but doesn't want anybody

to know about it.

It's sad, really.

Not me.

Whatever.

Whatever.

I'm not homophobic.

You're kidding me!

I'm not homophobic.

Then why keep it

a secret?

Because it's nobody's

f***ing business.

You think I can't

read you?

You're the definition

of homophobic.

The mere thought of the

possibility of you being gay

scares you

beyond belief.

You're barking up

the wrong tree.

Whatever helps you

sleep at night.

What the f***'s

your problem?

I'm not the one

with the problem, boy!

Don't call me "boy,"

you f***ing f*ggot!

Well, there it is.

I was waiting for it.

What?

You just proved

my entire point.

'Cause I called you a f*ggot?

Bingo.

What the f*** does that mean, "bingo?"

You know what?

I'm really tired,

and I'm sick of having

to explain

everything to you.

So if you don't mind,

I'd rather you just leave.

Why did you do it?

What do you care?

I want to know.

You really want

to know why?

Yeah.

Power.

Power?

Yeah.

Power.

Elaborate.

My whole life, starting

from grade school

up until the point

I came out of the closet,

I was beaten up,

ridiculed,

made fun of,

and completely alienated

because of the way I was born,

because I'm attracted

to guys.

You can't f***ing imagine how

powerless this makes someone feel,

how powerless I felt.

All through high school,

I had to hide who I was

for fear of people

finding out the truth.

I even dated girls.

I had sex with them

just so that...

people thought

that I was straight,

that I was...normal.

And it tore me up inside.

To the point where...

Never mind.

What?

Nothing.

Um...

Forget it.

Please. What?

I tried to kill myself,

all right?

I tried to commit

f***ing suicide because...

I couldn't deal

with who I was.

I was afraid of people

finding out the truth about me.

Are you serious?

Yeah.

I hated myself

for who I was.

For who I am.

Kinda pathetic, huh?

No, man, it's not.

Yeah, well, eventually...

once I got to college, I

wasn't too different from you.

I-I joined a frat

and drank lots of beer

and made the usual

homoerotic gay jokes.

Then I met a guy, and...

He wasn't too different

from you and me.

He helped me accept

who I am.

Just a regular person...

just like

everyone else.

And it was kind of

crazy because

as soon as I made

the decision to come out,

that feeling of

powerlessness just vanished.

Granted, I still have to deal

with my family and friends, but...

as soon as I made that

decision that I was happy,

that I loved myself,

it didn't matter

what anyone else thought.

It was like, "F*** them

if they can't deal with it."

I'm gay.

I've always been gay,

and I always will be gay.

That's kinda cool, man.

Think I'm like

how you are?

I'm not arrogant enough to

pretend to know who you are.

You might be like me.

You might just be curious.

But either way,

whatever you are,

don't try and cater

to other people's ideas

of what you should be.

You just be you.

So, are you?

What, gay?

Yeah.

I don't know.

Still trying to figure

out if I liked it.

You wanna give it

another shot?

Maybe you're a pitcher.

As long as you promise

not to tell anyone.

Yeah, why not?

You okay?

I think so.

Did you bleed?

It doesn't

look like it.

Did the condom

stay on?

Did it feel good?

Yeah!

Did it feel good for you?

I don't know.

It kinda hurt,

but towards the end,

I think it started

to feel good.

You think?

Well, it all

happened so fast.

What do you mean?

It was just over

kinda quickly.

It was my first time, too!

Oh, no, I know!

I wasn't complaining.

It was...

I don't know.

I feel kinda weird just

lying here naked with you.

Yeah, me, too.

The only other time

a girl's seen me naked

was when Sherry Kelly gave me

a blowj*b in the 10th grade.

Sherry Kelly

sucked your dick?

You didn't know that?

How would I know that?

Everyone at school knows!

I threw up on her.

What?

Yeah. It was my

first blowj*b.

I came the moment her lips

touched my dick.

Anyway, when she was

cleaning me up down there...

I got so nervous,

I threw up.

On her?

Yeah, all over.

She's never spoken

to me since.

So, that's why she

doesn't talk to you?

Yep.

I can't believe

she told people that.

Well, in her defense,

the only person she told

was Becky Matsuhara.

Becky was the evil b*tch

who told everyone else.

They called me

"Pukey Sam the Minuteman"

for a whole year after that.

Constant reminder of just how

much high school sucks ass.

I'm sorry.

Eh, don't worry about it.

It was a long time ago.

Anyway, Becky got hit

by a garbage truck and died

almost a year later

to the day.

The universe works in

wonderful and mysterious ways.

So, this really was

your first time?

Yeah.

What?

I don't know.

It's just kinda cool,

that's all.

Us losing our virginity

together.

Oh, sh*t!

What? Who is that?

I don't know.

I thought you said

your parents were at work.

They were. I thought

they were. F***!

Get dressed really quick.

Sh*t!

Get under the--

Get under the--

I'm hurrying!

Hey.

Hi, Mom.

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Just...lying down.

I'm a little tired.

Well, were you

talking to someone?

No.

I mean, yeah.

Um, it was Bree.

I just got off

the phone with her.

Kristy, what's

going on here?

What do you mean?

Did you have

someone over here?

No, why?

You sure?

Yeah.

Then why does it

smell in here?

Mom, I don't know

what you're talking about.

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