AfterDeath Page #2

Millions of parking tickets.

I always pay them.

Every week, he'd turn his back and we'd

take what we could from the pick 'n' mix.

It's a strict house to grow up in.

Are there calories in this'?

Always second helpings.

Thirds if I could get them.

Gluttony's one of the big seven.

He could afford it and

I needed a new phone.

You can't move and

not break a rule or it's,

"Oh, Onie, we're just

disappointed in you... again."

Sometimes I'll have to push

through a contract early.

Fudge the date.

Woah, steady on there!

Cheating the paperworK?!

- Yep.

- Used an old student's paper

to pass my coursework.

Lustful thoughts, thousands and thousands.

I second that.

Me too.

One night stands.

She had tits like this! Out there, woooah!

I mean, you couldn't not have a go.

Sometimes when I read a book, I...

Slept with someone else's husband,

but I didn't know he was married.

Didn't wear a condom. Crushed up her

morning-after pill. Put it in her coffee.

Boof!

F***er!

Ooh! Phtttt!

Oh, this is pointless!

I don't even feel like I'm getting pissed.

How can you get pissed

if you don't have a pulse?

How can Seb get a stiffy'?

Seb.

Robyn.

You've missed quite a big one.

And What's that?

They interviewed me. As a Witness.

As a Witness?

Mm-hm.

I... I was accused.

Accused, mind you...

...of some... assault.

A rape.

What was it you were supposed

to have witnessed?

I was...

- I saw you leave the club with her.

- And?

- She was in no fit state.

- Oh'? You could tell by looking?

She consented.

Right?

The way you know that is,

is that I Wasn't charged.

Do you remember her name?

No.

DO you'?

Uh!

Robyn.

A word.

Outside.

It's a sin, right'? it

is a big f***ing sin.

Yeah, that I didn't do!

I gave her one, yeah. Two, as it goes.

But she knew.

She was awake, she was talking.

She wanted to.

And you're sure'?

No, I'm confused about it.

You know how it is - a guy knows.

Gives you the look all night.

She wants you to take her home.

You don't get too drunk with a bloke

unless you want him to take you home.

Uh-huh.

Look, I've played your little game.

Move the f*** on.

What do you do'?

Student.

- Pure mathematics.

- And strict parents, huh'?

Two.

Pure mathematics!

I had a friend who used to hurt herself

in school, just like you do.

Her boyfriend said, he said...

she never felt like she belonged anywhere.

She didn't want to kill herself.

She just didn't want to be anywhere.

Maybe if...

now you're here, if you

decided you wanted to be...

I don't know. Here.

- Whatever you did to this girl...

- I didn't!

Whatever it was, we're connected.

- Maybe we're here because...

- Maybe we're here because of you.

Who's to say you're so f***ing clean'?

Mm'?

- Okay, we need to calm down.

- No, we don't need to do anything.

And not because you say so.

I've been through hell

because that slut grassed me up.

- So say one more word about it...

- Come on, Seb!

I'm f***ing serious! One more word.

Is there...?

Great!

Choke me, b*tch!

Did you hear her'?

"We should stay here. It's nice."

You colossal prick.

Wow! Judgmental.

This is What you get with God botherers.

You lot created this place.

You f***ing chanted it into existence.

All right, Seb, stop, now!

I did nothing.

Okay? Ask her!

And as for you, I'm f***ing a Christian

in the afterlife. And you wanted it!

But it didn't f***ing work out

for you though, did it'?

No harp for you.

You're stuck here, screwing your

last, just like the rest of us.

A f*** buddy in the hell light.

But I get it.

I know why you're here now.

It's to make my death f***ing miserable.

Hell is other b*tches.

Agh! Aaagh! F***!

Ooh!

Don't!

Aagh! Uuuuh!

F***!

- Hey, Seb, be careful.

- Oh, yeah?

I'll beware of the scary faces.

The light probably doesn't even hit you

out there. Did you ever think of that?

Don't go too far!

Go too far'?! We're in Pas-Man, remember?

If you get to the edge,

you come right back around.

Wagga! Wagga! VVagga! VVagga! Vvaggal

"I've done loads."

"Who loves you'? I do."

"Oh, is this your fingers?

Slam down my f***ing throat!"

F***ing b*tch!

Robyn'?

Did he do it'?

Well, it never came to

being charged, but...

Yes, she was broken.

He broke her.

I knew it! He had the...

- Rapey eyes.

- Exactly.

Has anyone looked in the mirror'?

Yeah.

This...

This isn't What I look like.

I mean, it's me, but it's... better.

Idealized.

Who doesn't love a mirror

that lies, right'?

Do you like it'?

Yeah, it's just... weird.

I have a really blobby nose.

I prefer this.

I just wish I'd got bigger...

Uh!

Onie's our way out.

She has to be.

Maybe you should stop

figuring stuff out for a bit'?

You're not helping anyone.

I'll stop when I'm home.

What about the blank slate?

Do you think we were given one,

a fresh start, when we got here'?

I hope not.

I just broke a guys hand.

It doesn't count. Probably.

I wanted to hurt him.

That counts.

Seb!

F***!

F***ing stupid cock-teasing c*nt!

Shove it up her so hard!

Stupid cock-teasing c*nt!

F***ing deserves to be here, yeah.

Shove it up her so hard!

F***ing throat... f***ing throat!

She had tits like this! Out there, wooah!

Aah! Uuh!

What the...?

I gave her one, two as it goes.

You couldn't not have a go!

Agh!

Agh!

No!

Agh! Agh!

Agh!

No!

Onie!

What's that?

It's, er...

It's my dad's.

I think you're right.

I think I...

might be alive somewhere.

Dad must have been

holding my hand or...

I don't know.

And you brought that back with you,

which means...

The bracelet! You're hurting me! Aah!

Robyn.

If you brought this here, maybe...

...maybe you could take us home?

We've got a Weapon.

And a way out.

I like your waiting-and-holding-hands plan.

Best plan yet.

Do you like it here'?

I'm just making the most of...

Look...

my dad told me about heaven, okay?

Anyway. my aunt...

she died.

And I was nine.

She was the best. She had all

these trips to the zoo and sneaky gifts.

At her funeral,

I asked my dad if she'd go to heaven...

...and he laughed at me.

"Don't be so stupid, Patty.

Your aunt was a monster.

She made money stripping

bankrupt companies."

Ten people at her funeral.

"And the only people she cared

about was your mother and you."

I started crying.

You know, that's the point when a dad's

supposed to comfort his little girl.

But she was so... so nice to me.

Surely that meant something?

Surely they'd let her in'?

But the next day,

my dad showed me this book.

The pictures.

Only the pure get into heaven.

I remember that.

The pure.

No one stained.

No one tainted.

No, but I... I just couldn't help

thinking, you know,

"Maybe she could

just sneak into heaven?"

But he laughed at me again.

He said no sinner gets

into the house of God.

And if they ever did, the whole afterlife

would crumble and rot in an instant.

He said the sinner's a cancer.

He called it eternity insurance.

"Your Aunt Nadine's burning, Patty.

And that's all there is to it."

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