Afternoon Delight Page #2

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Just my nom de coffee,

if you will.

-Oh.

-I'm Rachel.

-I'm McKenna.

It's nice to meet you.

-When I got out of

college, I, uh--

I majored in journalism, but I

kinda couldn't get my sh*t

together, so I ended up working

at this PR firm

writing press releases about

Calista Flockhart's buttery

choc highlights.

-Guys, who wants to try the new

bar method place with me?

-Oh, is that open?

-Yeah, me I do.

-I got a Groupon.

Let's use it.

-Uh, I can.

What are you doing?

-Uh, oil change.

-So you know when you text

somebody an emoticon?

-So, this is just like that,

except you're-- you're texting

a tiny picture of your face.

It's called an e-me-ticon.

-E-me-ticon.

Yeah, I just bought that.

-Oh, that was Jeff.

He's been trying to get

something to hit.

And now he's never not working,

and I'm, you know,

just online.

-I had this one picture

of him growing up.

He was in this weird maroon

sweatshirt and

had these crazy sideburns.

My mom told me that he had a

genius IQ, so that's why she

picked him, because

it was good genes.

But then one night, she got

really drunk and she told me

that was actually just a random

photo and she had no

idea who got her pregnant.

-Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

You know, it's--

He's like a mystery to me.

I get to imagine

what he's like.

I think he's like Axl Rose.

[giggling]

-Oh my god.

You just snorted.

-Yeah, it's not cute

in any way.

-It's so cute.

-No, way too old

for the snort.

-No, it's cute.

-You know what?

I will have a cigarette.

-OK.

-Why not?

-My lighter.

Went out.

Come here.

Ready?

-Yeah.

-Oh, put your hand up.

Yeah.

-I remember why people

do this.

-Sophia?

-Yeah.

[car alarm ringing]

-Hey!

Wait!

-McKenna!

Are you OK?

-Sorry.

-Help me?

-Yes.

-Just f***ing wait.

This guy won't listen to me.

-Do you have a key?

My entire life is in this car.

-That's my car, man!

Hey, hey!

What the f***, McKenna?

What happened?

-Look, Walter.

-Hey.

-There's apparently 35 f***ing

tickets on this thing!

-Wait.

-I could've been

arrested, man.

-No, there was 10

tickets, tops.

-A**hole!

-No, hey!

-No!

-Hey, hey, hey, hey, my man!

Yo, yo don't!

No, don't.

F***!

God!

You dumb b*tch!

-Did you get your stuff?

-Yeah.

-Sir.

Sir, excuse me.

-With all due respect, if the

car had tickets on it, and

it's your car, then I feel

you're the responsible one.

-Who the f*** are you?

-Hey.

That's my aunt Sophia.

So be cool, man.

-What the f*** are you gonna

do with all your sh*t?

OK, OK.

Just walk away.

We get it.

We get it.

WALTER (OFFSCREEN): Don't

f***ing move.

-So.

So you just put your

stuff, um--

This is where you're going

to be staying.

First floor there's

a bed where we--

RACHEL (OFFSCREEN): Used to be

the maid's room, but we don't

have--

RACHEL (OFFSCREEN): Yeah,

welcome, welcome.

Make yourself at home.

-Oh, wow.

Hey.

Who is this guy?

Hey, buddy.

-That's Bonnet.

-Hi cutie fruity patootie.

That is the best name

ever for a pup.

-Let me show you--

Let me show you your digs.

Oh man.

Let's get some fresh

air in this room!

Oh.

Sorry.

Yeah, this used to be

our live in's room.

I know it's stupid to think that

we'd need a housekeeper.

I don't even have a job.

But, you know, she

was a godsend.

Because when I got pregnant

with Logan, you know, I

thought, I'm not gonna

have a baby nurse.

I'm not gonna need any of that.

You know, I'm gonna-

I'm a mother.

My body is built for this.

And then came home, milk

didn't come in.

Tried and tried to nurse,

couldn't latch on.

Apparently my nipples

are too small.

So, he wouldn't stop crying for

anybody except for Luce.

And she's just so calm

that she just--

Ugh.

When Logan got into school, we

had to let her go, you know?

And then we maybe thought for

a minute we were gonna have

another kid, and then we-- or it

was gonna be an office for

me, or--

-I like this color.

This room would look really

good in this color.

Do you ice skate?

-Oh, these?

Well, you know.

For a hot New York minute.

Got my--

My skate on.

-My mom always told me that I

should surround myself with

good people if I want good

things to happen.

I'm 55 days sober, so good

people are really important.

-Oh my god.

McKenna, that's amazing.

Congratulations.

Wow.

-My mom's a witch.

The Wiccan kind of

witch, you know?

Sometimes I think I

might be one too.

Is that my bathroom?

D-d--

Do you need clean towels?

We have company.

-Go, go, go, go, go.

I'm listening.

-We have company.

-Who's here?

-Have you ever heard of the

Espresso Yourself truck?

-The coffee they make, Jeff,

is like you cannot believe.

You know when people just

make one thing right?

It's great.

-It's obsession worthy.

-OK.

-So, I started--

I started to follow the

truck on Twitter.

-I thought you hated Twitter.

-I don't hate Twitter, Jeff.

I'm not--

I lurk on Twitter.

-You're a lurker.

-Just not a Tweeter.

So, a few weeks ago, the truck

was parked right across the

street from Sam's.

Wait, let me get you--

Let me get you some--

-Sam who?

-Uh, Hofbrau.

Sam's Hofbrau.

That was the strip bar, or like,

you know, topless place

or whatever that we went to.

Oh, you need cutlery.

Anyway--

who would've thunk it--

ran into McKenna.

-I don't know who McKenna is.

-Oh, she, um--

She's the dancer that--

She's the dancer that gave me

that private thingy when we

were there.

-You mean the stripper?

-OK, sure.

The stripper, is in

the maid's room.

-The stripper's in

the maid's room.

-Yeah.

-How did the stripper get

in the maid's room?

-I put her there.

So, I kept going back to the

Espresso Yourself truck, and

every time I would go there, I

kept running into McKenna.

So we just started talking.

Anyway, she was, like, between

apartments, her car was

getting towed.

She had nowhere to stay tonight,

and you know all the

work that I do for the homeless

at the J, and, you

know, I thought, here's--

OK, Here's actual homelessness

right in front of me.

-So you invited her to

stay here in our

house with our child?

-Just for like a-- two nights.

Like, one night maybe.

You won't even notice

she's here, Jeff.

JEFF (OFFSCREEN): (WHISPERING)

I don't wanna

meet her right now.

I think we should just--

-Shut up.

Just a few days.

OK, we gotta keep quiet.

I love you.

-Morning.

-Uh, hey.

Hey.

-I remember you.

You guys were, like, the

cutest couple ever.

-Oh, thank you.

We work at it.

Actually, we don't.

Do you want some coffee?

-Um, do you have tea?

-Yeah.

-Oh, wow, look at

this, a tea box.

-We're sort of-- sort of

hooked up that way.

-Yeah.

I'll take a chai spice.

-Yeah, why not?

I have to say, that was, like,

the best sleep I've had in

five years.

Not joking.

Hollywood is so noisy.

-Yeah, sometimes I find the

birds in this neighborhood can

be rather cacophonous.

You know, loud and chirpy.

-Rachel told me that

you invent apps.

-She wasn't lying.

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