Airheads

Oh, yeah. That was for all you pinheads...

...too hip to take off your

jackets in the 95 heat.

When the weather gets like this

it brings all you nutbags out...

...and since I am a trouble magnet, I have

one thing to say to you bozos: back off.

Here's the Sons of

Thunder from their album

Scrambled Eggs and Wobbly Legs.

This is Ian the Shark on the station with...

...more hair, more flair,

yet so debonair:
KPPX.

Rebel Radio-oh-oh-oh-oh.

Hey. Hey. You've gotta check in here.

Get Security on the second floor.

We've got a bogey in elevator one.

It's that guy in the delivery uniform again.

OK, be wild. Be as wild as you wanna.

If you feel like wetting yourself, go with it,

OK? Anarchy's good.

They like anarchy, OK?

But what are we supposed to say?

- What? Don't say anything.

Jeez, do you wanna blow this? You know

how much these stupid hats set me back?

Hi.

- Oh, no. Hey, excuse me?

Mike, it's him. The wacko's back.

Yeah, I'm up here in A&R right now.

I'm not goin' anywhere.

Oh, hey, dude.

Hey, hi. Are you an executive here?

- Yeah.

How you doin'?

My name's Chazz. Chazz Darby.

I'm in this band and we've

got this incredibly...

...sweet demo. I think you should hear it.

I can't take that tape from you.

It's called unsolicited material.

Hey, but this is the real thing, man. This is

rock 'n' roll. None of that gimmicky stuff.

I would love to hear it,

but if it's unsolicited, I can't touch it.

We've been trying to get solicited...

Well, then maybe a gimmick would help.

The cream always rises, OK?

Super-duper. Thanks.

All right, dude. Thanks a lot. Whoa.

You again.

You just can't learn, can you, scumbag?

Take care now.

Here's your tape.

Hey. How was your day?

Oh, Gary is a tremendous a**hole.

He had this whole stack of invoices

and he made me arrange them by date.

He's such a tweaker.

- It sucks.

Did you mail the rent?

- You, uh... you didn't leave me a stamp.

Well, maybe you could have

gone and bought one.

Ow.

Chazz. What the hell

happened to my make-up?

It fell in the toilet.

Sh*t. Babe, come on.

I told you not to leave it on the tank.

- You ruined my make-up, butt.

What's this attitude, Kayla?

Know what I've been through today?

I guess you woke up

when the sun was warm...

...and rode your Harley

up and down Melrose...

...impressing all the 15-year-old girls, right?

I was down at Palatine Records.

That's where I was.

Really? What happened?

I had a meeting with

a big record executive and, uh...

What did he say? Why didn't you tell me?

Well, we talked about solicitation...

...and the guy said he'd snap us up

in a second if it weren't for the lawyers.

Did he like the tape?

- I was about to give it to him...

...then a security guard showed up

and ruined everything.

Come on.

- Please.

Hey, it's true. I'm making

really good contacts. I am.

When they hear this song they'll go apeshit.

It's just gonna take

time. What's the big deal?

The 'big deal' is that I'm doing the bullshit

work and you're living the rock 'n' roll life.

I wanna live the life, too.

- I'm doing this for us.

Come on, babe. You know that

once I make it you got a free ride.

I'm gonna treat you like gold.

Chazz, it's been months.

Maybe you should get a job.

This is my job. I am

trying managers, record...

...executives, club

owners. That's hard work.

You get to sit in a nice office all day

smoking and drinking coffee.

Oh.

- This is bullshit.

Oh, my snout.

- You bastard.

I hate you. You are nobody

and you are never gonna be anybody.

You're treating me like I'm a goober

after I wrote this song for you?

You wrote that song

before you even met me.

So?

- So you get out.

Get out now. Get lost.

OK, OK, OK, OK. Kayla.

- Go.

Keep going.

- Kayla.

You poser.

I always knew you were a loser.

Everyone warned me.

I hate your music. I always have.

She booted you out again, huh?

What a b*tch.

I mean, that that happened.

Hey, she's gonna be jealous

in six months from now...

...when we're on the cover

of Rip magazine lookin' cool.

Shut up.

- I'm just sayin'.

Rex.

- What?

I told you to stock the end caps

and mop the employee lounge.

Too late. I'm outta here.

- I'll tell Covington.

Oh, be quiet.

Hey, Chazz, what's up?

He's movin' in with us for a while.

- Great. We can rock out after breakfast.

Things are gonna happen to us no matter...

...what that chimp from

Palatine Records says.

You see, that's just it. You think

everything's gonna happen to you.

You gotta make it happen.

How many practices have you missed

cos you're cleaning up some stiff's pool?

Get in the truck, dingus.

I'll be right there.

Man, Chazz is right. All we gotta do

is make our own action, you know?

That's the way it is, little bro.

D'you think Tommy Lee waited for the bus?

Man, he hustled. That's how come

he gets to pork Heather Locklear.

Yeah, well, we got the look, man.

We're gonna be huge.

Yeah, we're almost there.

Chazz says once we get a contract, chicks

with breast implants pick out your clothes.

Cover your mouth.

You're shooting phlegm all over my ass.

Say 'gesundheit'. I say it for you, man.

Honey, I'm home.

Hey, Pip, check this out.

- Oh. Oh.

The Incredible Crash Dummies. Whoo.

You must have five-fingered

most of the store by now.

Oh, man. Most of these guns

are discontinued anyway.

Like this Uzi water pistol.

They got rid of it cos it looked too real.

Yo.

- Mama.

Wow. Now you got yourself

a whole arsenal here.

What are you doing?

Pepper sauce. Active ingredient: capsicum.

You blast this in somebody's face

and they're all like 'Oh. Oh.'

Some Hollywood Boulevard trash

comes shimmying up the rain pipe...

Hey.

- Whoa.

Listen up, you lowlifes, what the hell

are we doin' here on a Thursday night?

That's right.

Rock 'n' roll.

OK, we're here to party tonight...

...with our little buddies...

...the Sons of Thunder.

Sons of Thunder? Didn't we blow them off

the stage at Chez Bang six months ago?

So why don't all you little idiots

press your faces up against the speakers...

...and blow your brains out.

Look at this crap. What do we

give away first, hats or hair-care products?

Girls, you wanna get us

a couple of drinks, please?

Ooh, serious bumper.

You wanna punch it up, Ian?

You're as spunky as a corpse.

The Sons of Thunder,

for Christ's sake? Pablum.

How can you even tell these bands apart?

- I read the trades.

First of all I'd like to say thanks to Ian

and Rebel Radio for playing our single...

...and basically getting us signed.

Is this on?

# Don't hate me

Look at them stupid pantaloons.

That's what we gotta do.

- Looks like they got a load in them pants.

No, they played this song on the radio, and

they got an album. That's what we gotta do.

# Your lips are full, your head is empty...

...# This faded Valentine

is what you sent me

All we've got to do is get 'em

to play the tape and we're golden.

This is never gonna work.

- Pip, what is your problem?

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