Alarm Page #7

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to be somewhere else.

lt's like this whole place

just dropped out of the sky

and landed in the wrong spot.

l'm right on the edge,

to be honest.

- Oh, come here, love.

- Mal must be wondering

what sort of a lunatic

he's landed with.

Scruffy was his idea.

lsn't he gorgeous?

- The dog or Frank?

Would you consider going back

to Luke Masterson

for a few sessions?

- l've been thinking about it.

- Come back to us, Molly.

You know we'd love to have you.

- After all this crapping on

about quality before everything,

and too many cowboy operations

out there,

and how she's wise to them

because she knows what's what,

after all this she decides

to go for the beech veneer,

tongue and groove job.

- And what's that?

- l'll tell you, Frank.

lt's the second cheapest.

That's what it is.

Which is also typical, right?

l mean, people like her

never get the cheapest

because they are afraid

to look cheap.

They get the second cheapest.

Which is fine, l mean,

no problem for me

if she hadn't have stood me

there for a half and hour

bullshitting about

the importance of quality work.

So l thought to myself,

''Right, l'm going to make you

''change your mind,

Mrs. Klinyhill.

''l'm going to make you feel

so bad

about picking

the second cheapest''...

- And he just couldn't,

you know, take the order.

So l says to her, ''Yeah, yeah,

very good, yeah.

''Beech veneer.

''Very popular choice, actually.

A lot of people going

for that one recently.''

And she's not liking that.

''Makes my job easy,

to be honest,'' l says.

''Same old, same old every day,

you know?

''Sure, l was in Tulla

for two weeks

putting that exact floor

in a load of houses there.''

[laughter]

- Fantastic, Tulla;

that would drive her mad.

- Oh, isn't he terrible?

- l can see it in her eyes

at this stage.

lt was too easy, actually.

l flogged her the solid oak

parquet.

- Can you believe it?

- l don't know what it means,

but it sounds impressive.

- lt's more that four times

the price, Frank.

That's what it means.

And a 1 2-week waiting list.

- More money than sense.

- Wouldn't you love to say

something to her?

- Yeah, soon as she pays up

she'll know exactly

what l think of her.

- You will not.

- For sure.

lt will be a buzz.

- l can see why

you'd like to, Mal, but-

- She's a b*tch.

lt's what she deserves, yeah?

Yeah?

Ah, got you!

[laughs]

Oh, come on.

Did you really think

l'd do that, huh?

[laughter]

- You fecker.

l believed you.

- Well, you had me.

l was thinking,

''Uh-oh, what have we here?''

[laughter]

- Gotcha, gotcha, gotcha.

- Listen, listen.

lt's nearly time.

all:
Ten, nine, eight, seven.

- Good night!

- Folks, folks,

a memorable night.

You are generous

and gracious hosts.

l thank you, and-

- Shut up Frank

and come to bed.

See you in the morning.

- Not too early,

1 :
00 brunch.

- Mal, Mal, Mal, Mal.

l'm getting the f*** out of here

as soon as l can.

Will you stick with me?

- Absolutely.

- New year, new start.

Doesn't matter if it's a hole

in the ground

as long as it's normal.

[dog barking loudly]

- [gasping]

- Molly, Molly!

Molly, Molly, come back.

Sweetheart, it's okay.

Molly.

[distorted voices]

Molly, come on.

Come back to bed!

Everything is okay.

Frank, Frank!

- Scruffy, Scruffy.

Scruffy,

where are you, Scruffy?

Come here.

Come here.

Scruffy!

Scruffy?

Scruffy!

[shouting and screaming]

Don't do that to me!

Why are you letting them

do that, Mal?

No, no, no, no, no!

[shouting]

Listen to me.

Don't let me sleep!

lt's only when l sleep

that bad things-

bad things-Mal-

Scruffy?

Scruffy?

- You're awake.

Wow, that was a marathon.

Over 30 hours.

How do you feel?

- l don't know.

- You look good.

Really, you do.

You needed to sleep so much.

- Mal, what happened?

- We'll talk about it later.

- l don't know what's real

and what isn't anymore.

Just tell me, please.

- Look, it wasn't anything

sinister.

lt was just

an unfortunate accident.

You need to rest now anyway.

lt's just been one awful thing

after another.

- What have we done?

- Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Jess told the doctor

that these-

he said maybe you came off

them too quickly.

So he gave me a prescription.

Here.

Do you want me to do it?

- No.

- Ah, Molly, my love,

happy New Year.

- Will you put these up for me?

- 'Course l will.

You have a dog?

- We had a dog.

We don't know whether he ran off

or he was taken.

- Oh, dear,

you've had one awful dose.

No doubt about that.

By the way, Mossie says thanks

for the Christmas prezzie.

But no way, he said,

would he ever go back

to fix your alarm system.

- What?

- ''No way,'' he said.

A bit put out

the same Mossie me

slagging him over it, you know.

''No, when l install a system,

it's done right'' says he.

Face on him like a boiled sweet.

So is he having me on or what?

Huh?

- No, just a mix-up.

- Will Joe stick them up?

- Yeah.

- lt might not do any good.

You know that?

- l know.

- Okay.

[engine turns over]

There you go.

- Did you set the alarm?

- Yeah.

- For what it's worth.

- l know, but still.

- Actually, no.

The worst thing is waiting

for it to go off.

- Molly.

Calm down.

- [computerized voice]

System is disarmed.

- Now at least we

won't be lying there

waiting for that

to start screaming.

Why bother locking anything?

- Stop it, Molly.

Stop it, l said.

Let's go to bed, do you hear me?

We're not giving in to this.

l won't let you give in to it.

- Okay, if you like.

Whatever.

Mossie never came back

to fix the alarm.

- What?

- lsn't that right?

Why did you say he did?

- Where did you get the idea

he didn't?

- l don't know what to think.

l've gone mad already anyway,

f***ing mad!

[sobbing]

- Molly?

Molly.

Baby, there's someone here

to see the house.

l won't bring them up here, so

you can stay as you are, okay?

Okay.

[alarm beeping]

That's the dining room.

South-facing.

- Yeah, spacious,

actually, yeah.

And the oak Shaker kitchen,

l like that.

- Why didn't you answer

the door?

- Sorry?

- The day l called,

why didn't you answer the door?

- l don't know what

you're talking about.

- l was just being

a neighbor, just saying hello.

- Look, we were at home

when you called.

We just weren't expecting

visitors.

- We weren't in the mood

for visitors, all right?

Do you understand?

ls that a problem for you?

- No, no it's not.

lt's just when you didn't even

reply to our invitations...

- Oh, God.

- Even if it was only to refuse.

- We're just not interested

in weird stuff.

- What's weird about inviting

people for Christmas drinks?

- Christmas drinks?

- Yes!

- l don't know what planet

you're on-

Come on, Peter.

- Hold on.

- Did you try to buy my house?

Was it you or your friend

came to view the house

the same day l did?

- What?

- Maybe not,

you don't seem-

Anyway, it doesn't matter now,

'cause l'm going, l'm gone.

We're going away.

- ''Dear neighbor, do you wish

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