Alex & Me Page #4

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the ole Queen's try,

shall we?

Mm-hm.

[TOOL CLANGS]

[POP MUSIC PLAYING

ON CAR RADIO]

Bow-wow-wow-wow, yipee-oh

Yipee-eh

Bow-wow-wow-wow, yipee-oh

Yipee-eh

JOE:
Bow-wow-wow-wow,

yipee-oh Yipee-eh

Bow-wow-wow-wow, yipee-oh

Yipee-eh

Hi, sweetie.

What's wrong with your bike?

Chain keeps popping.

Want me

to take a look at it?

Actually...

I want you to come to my

first game on Saturday.

This Saturday?

- Yes.

- What time?

- Eleven a.m.

- Oh, sweetheart.

Logan and I have a meeting

with a coach then.

You could miss one meeting

with one coach.

You've met, with, like,

50 of them.

Honey, you know how important

that scholarship is.

You know, to Logan.

Hey, to our family.

Well this game

is important to me.

And Mom has to work

on Saturday.

Please, Dad.

It's against Crush.

Okay, I'll see

if I can change it.

Really?

Promise?

Yes, I promise.

[GIGGLES]

Thanks, Dad.

You're welcome, now.

Let's fix this again.

[CHUCKLES]

- Okay.

- Okay.

No tape anywhere near...

Let's... Okay, first rule,

chains and tape

don't go together.

OZ:
Champions get

their knees up.

Here we go.

One more time for a champion.

Two times makes you

a champion.

One time makes you

a runner up.

We're champions,

Crush soccer here.

Sides are next. Right sides.

All right, let's not look

too hunky-dory.

[GRUNTS]

Penny, I think you need

to figure out

how your legs work.

Let's stay on them.

Let's stay upright.

You generally

wanna stay upright.

That's, I think, rule one.

OZ:

Gonna do four of these.

That's what champions do.

Run four times.

Any runner-ups here?

I don't know any runner-ups.

All I know is champions.

All right, this is a right

frog and toad, isn't it?

Yeah, a regular

fox and hound.

Well let's not

cat and fiddle it, okay?

Check this out.

I can record all Lilly's games.

That's cute.

Camera one, you a go?

[GIRLS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

Camera two?

GIRL:

Okay. Okay. Okay.

I'll send you a copy.

[WHISPERS]

Thanks.

- Who are we?

- PLAYERS:
Crush!

- Who?

- PLAYERS:
Crush!

- What do we do?

- PLAYERS:
Crush!

- What do we do?

- PLAYERS:
Crush!

- In on three! One! Two! Three!

- ALL:
Crush! Kick! Destroy!

We're gonna play knees up, don't

go to spare if we fall behind.

If I know my onions

about this game,

today won't turn out

to be a damp squib.

Go get 'em! That's good!

We got it! Nice!

I thought they spoke English

in England.

JOE:
Reagan, Reagan.

Hey, uh, the...

The coach didn't get my message,

and he's at the house.

Your Mom's at work,

so I gotta go. I'm sorry.

But, no, but... But, Dad, you...

You promised...

Honey, I'm...

I'm sorry. Okay?

I'm gonna try to come back,

but I gotta go.

He's there by himself,

I gotta go with Logan, okay?

I'm sorry. I'll be back, though.

Okay? Have fun.

I'm coming right now, son.

Have fun!

NIGEL:
Reagan, let's go.

It's kick-off.

TOM:

Hey, Claire.

Remember.

Hey, Jen, my dad usually

gives me 25 dollars a goal.

But when he found out

who we were playing today,

- he dropped it to 10.

- [LAUGHS]

Pretty sure that's not good from

a developmental standpoint.

- you're passing up on assists...

- Don't bother.

Just let our feet

do the talking.

Oh, I've seen your feet.

Have you listened

to what they're saying?

You can hear my foot

better when I kick your...

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

OZ:

Game time, ladies!

NIGEL:

All right, let's go!

OZ:

Move it, move it!

[GIRLS CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[]

OZ:

Hit it up! Steal, steal!

NIGEL:

Good job. Ah.

TOM:
Let's go, Claire.

Come on, Claire.

[NEEDLE SKIPS, MUSIC STOPS]

NIGEL:

Bad.

Worse.

Deplorable.

Nope.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

OZ:

Okay, girls. Bring it in.

NIGEL:
Don't worry.

It's all right.

- OZ:
Winners bring it in.

- NIGEL:
We could've lost

- a lot worse than that.

- OZ:
That's right.

Claire!

That's my girl.

Hey.

- You ready?

- Yeah.

Twenty, 40, 60.

Let's go shopping. Come on.

- Wanna get that pony?

- CLAIRE:
Yeah!

TOM:
Let's get that

pony for your birthday.

You earned it.

[GIRLS CHEERING]

[PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[]

So sorry, Regs.

How did it go?

Things ran long. You know.

[SEATBELT CLICKS]

I'm really sorry. I...

The coach just got talking

and then...

How did you play?

Did you girls win?

Did you do good?

I'm really sorry, baby.

I really am.

[]

Hey. Just so you know,

today wasn't my fault.

Or Dad's.

It was just

this huge mix-up.

Just one of those things,

you know?

LOGAN:
Are you really

doing all this stuff?

[GRUNTS]

What happened?

They put up a new lock

on the entire field.

I told you they saw you

sneaking back in after practice.

I forgot my ball!

[SNEEZES]

Well, maybe if someone

had yelled apricot!

It's not my job.

You could've said it!

- Yeah, yeah. Don't blame her.

- Well it's somebody's fault,

and it surely was not mine,

because...

[ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY]

NIGEL [WITH AMERICAN ACCENT]: Oh,

stop, stop, stop! Please stop!

Just stop already! Oh! The

constant bickering and arguing

and fighting is too much!

I can't take it anymore! Okay?

Ugh.

What happened

to your accent?

Uh...

[SCOFFS]

[WITH BRITISH ACCENT]

Blimey, heh.

I mean crikey, uh...

[EXAGGERATED BRITISH ACCENT]

Barmy, I guess I've been...

living here across

the pond a bit too long,

my Queen's English has gotten

a wee bit cheeky.

Right? Uh...

[WITH AMERICAN ACCENT]

I can't.

You can't what?

Uh, my name's not Nigel.

It's, um...

It's Nick.

And I didn't grow up

in Birmingham, England.

I'm from Pomona.

What?

I'm sorry. I am.

I'm sorry. I just...

I needed a job

after the sporting goods store

I was working at closed,

and...

soccer parents are the most

gullible people I ever met.

They think anybody

who's British knows soccer

and can help their kid

be the next superstar, so...

I watched

the Austin Powers movies,

put up an online ad saying

I played in England, and, uh...

Well the next thing

you know,

parents were hiring me to coach

their kids. And this team.

So where did you play

in college?

Mm?

High school?

I was on the bowling team.

[SCREAMS]

Oh! Ah!

So now

you're accurate.

[GROANS]

I deserved that.

Aah!

[WHISTLE BLOWS FEEBLY]

That's a foul.

That's a red card.

[SIGHS]

Without a coach, we can't

even finish out our season.

Oh, Regs.

Heard the news.

Bummer.

Hi, Ben!

[IMITATES CLAIRE]

Hi, Ben!

If I'm ever that annoying,

I give you permission

to smack me.

- [SCOFFS]

- I wish I could help.

Wish you could coach soccer.

Okay, everybody, good news.

Our season can continue

PENNY:

How? We don't have a coach.

REAGAN:
We do now, my dad.

He volunteered.

Isn't that awesome?

Has he ever coached?

He coached

my first rec team.

Then Logan got great

at football.

[CHUCKLES]

Where is he?

Uh, he's sick.

That's why we're

practicing here.

Across the street

from my house.

So he can watch us.

From the window. Ha.

Oh, hi, Daddy! Ha.

Feel better!

So you can coach us soon!

[CHUCKLES]

See? All good.

What...?

What's he doing now?

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