Alias Jesse James

1

Out West where men were brave and bold

The most exciting story told

Is all about a stranger

Who lived a life of danger

And he loved that shining gold

Jesse James was his name

Jesse James was his name

Let me tell you now

Before a guy could reach his gun

He'd rob the stage as it went by

And just as sure as Hades

He'd kiss the lovely ladies

And you ought to hear him sigh

Jesse James was his name

Jesse James was his name

Yeah, well,

a trigger-happy guy was he

As fast as any guy could be

I'll lay you two to one, man

Not another gunman

Was half as fast as he

Jesse James was his name

He made a lot of friends

But there the story ends

'Cause all good gunmen die

Jesse James was his name Was his name

Jesse James was his name Was his name

The wealth and might that is America today

is reflected in its farms,

its factories, its banking institutions

and certainly in its various

mammoth insurance companies.

These gigantic corporations

owned by millions of

stockholders and policy holders

have, since the beginning of our country,

been an integral part of our life.

Untold thousands of Americans

have received their educations

through the benefits of insurance policies.

Millions of American families

have been raised partially,

or entirely,

on a monthly check from

their insurance company,

and the history of the expansion

of these institutions

could almost be the history of

the expansion of America itself.

But, vast as the resources and holdings

of these mighty companies are today,

each is the result

of great pioneering courage

and perseverance of these great founders.

And who deserves much of the credit

for the evolution of these companies

from their simple beginnings

into their present size?

It is no one but that almost forgotten,

hardworking door-to-door

insurance salesman,

to whom we respectfully

dedicate this picture.

The time is the early 1880s.

The place is New York City.

The occasion is a sales

meeting of the employees

of the Plymouth Rock Insurance Company.

Yes. Now, may I have the

other charts, Miss Raskin?

Let's see how you other gentlemen have done.

Crimshaw.

Yes, yes.

You've done an admirable job, Crimshaw.

You dipped a little there in May,

but I see you bounced back up,

and you'll soon have a leg

on the gold watch.

Yes.

Now...

Well. Hastings! You're right

up there, aren't you?

You keep this up and you're well on your way

to that free weekend at Coney Island.

Why, this is amazing.

Farnsworth.

Farnsworth, when are you ever

gonna sell a policy?

May I remind you, sir,

that just two weeks ago,

I turned in a signed policy

for a Miss Elfrida Bennett?

Which was rejected.

On a medical technicality.

Yes, a slight technicality.

When the doctor arrived

to examine her, she was dead.

Well, we've got to get a faster doctor.

A 30-year endowment policy

on a woman 98 years old.

Well, she lied about her age.

And much as I dislike

tooting my own horn, sir,

I was solely responsible for

the sale of Plymouth Rock's

first marine policy,

issued on the new schooner Nantucket.

Please, please, don't remind

me of that launching.

I can still see the bubbles.

How did I know the anchor

was heavier than the boat?

Milford, I've given this a lot of thought,

and I think this company can get along

very well without you.

Turn in your key to the washroom.

Well, can't I even have visiting privileges?

Farnsworth, I'm curious.

What do you expect to achieve

with such crass ineptitude,

such utter incompetence,

such colossal stupidity?

Well, I was hoping to become your assistant.

Sorry you couldn't get in

yesterday, Milford.

We all missed your nickel.

Charlie, have you thought

any more about that insurance?

Some other time.

Sullivan beat Gentleman Jim?

He hasn't a chance.

Yeah? That's

what they said

when they matched him up against Paddy Ryan.

Well, you can see their legs clear

up to the knees, I tell you.

Yeah? What'd you say

they called themselves?

The Gibson Girls.

Clear up to the knees. I tell you,

it's enough to drive you mad.

If you're talking about

the Kansas City bank,

he got away with $25,000.

Jesse James wouldn't pull

a gun out of his holster

for 25,000.

The bank said...

Pardon me, gentlemen,

the exact amount

was $33,228.33.

That's Jesse James!

Whiskey.

Forget it.

It's on the house.

Charlie, if you're going

to buy any insurance,

today is the day.

I've got to make a sale.

Later, Milford. Later.

Charlie, there is no later with insurance.

You can't put off till tomorrow

what may strike you today.

Please, Milford, not now.

No, you're taking a lot of chances.

You got a lot of money laying around here.

Milord...

I mean, cash for your payroll,

cash for your customers, money in the till.

This place is a gold mine.

Have another sandwich.

No charge.

Now what's to prevent somebody

from walking in here

and pressing the cold barrel

of a .45 against your temple?

Very little.

Yeah, one shot and your wife is an orphan.

But not with Plymouth Rock Insurance.

You can leave her 5,000, 10,000,

anything you want.

And when your time comes,

you'll find yourself slipping away

with a smile on your lips

and a song in your heart.

You got to think about that.

That's the way to go, you know.

You got to think.

Please.

Watch out, kid.

Charlie...

I wanna talk to you.

You'll have to excuse us, sir.

This is a private conversation

between the two of us, if you don't mind.

You two may not finish.

I'm interested in slipping away

with a smile on my lips

and a song in my heart.

I'll have my drink over at the table here.

This may be a hot one.

You caught me just at the right time.

I think I have one policy left.

Pleased to be of service

to you, sir. My card.

What is a Milford Farnsworth?

That's me.

That's my name.

I'm Milford Farnsworth.

All right.

No. Whiskey is

the weak man's crutch.

Now, we at Plymouth Rock are honored

to have been chosen by you, Mister...

James. TJ James.

Yes.

I'd like to hear a little more

about this insurance.

As I understand it,

your company is willing to bet

me on how long I'll live?

And they'll take the short end by

betting I'll live a long time?

Yeah. I guess you could

put it that way.

Well, if I'm dead, how do

I know I'll get paid off?

My good man, the Plymouth

Rock Insurance Company

wouldn't be in business two minutes

if they didn't make good on their policies.

Just so long as we understand each other.

Now, who gets the money?

Well, your wife, your mother,

whatever loved one you designate.

Well, then you take out your pencil

and paper and start writing.

The money goes to Miss Cora Lee Collins.

Cora Lee Collins.

Angel's Rest, Missouri.

Angel's Rest, Missouri.

And what is her relationship to you?

Loved one.

I don't think the company

has that classification.

Well, make it wife.

She will be.

Now, how much money is your

company prepared to put up?

Well, we're prepared to go

as high as you want to go.

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