Alice in Wonderland Page #8

ALICE:

Shhh. I want to help you.

(CONTINUED)

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RED QUEEN (O.S.)

Where’s my ball? Page!

Alice frees the hedgehog. It stares at her mutely before

stumbling into the foliage. Alice sees two large white furry

feet. Her gaze travels up to the White Rabbit, dressed as a

court page.

49 EXT. THE BUSHES 49

He looks down at tiny Alice.

WHITE RABBIT:

Well! If it isn’t the wrong Alice.

What brings you here?

ALICE:

I’ve come for two reasons.

She beckons him closer. He bends down. She punches him.

ALICE (CONT’D)

That’s for dragging me down here

against my will!

WHITE RABBIT:

You didn’t have to hit me! Now

there’s going to be a bruise. Is

there?

He shows her his chin. She looks, indulging him.

ALICE:

No.

WHITE RABBIT:

What’s the other reason?

ALICE:

I’m going to rescue the Hatter.

WHITE RABBIT:

You’re not rescuing anyone being the

size of a gerbil.

ALICE:

Do you have any of that cake that made

me grow before?

WHITE RABBIT:

Upelkuchen? Actually, I might have

some left.

(CONTINUED)

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He digs in his pocket and takes out a large piece of the

cake. She takes it and shoves it into her mouth.

WHITE RABBIT (CONT’D)

Not all of it!

Too late. Alice shoots upward. Buttons fly off her torn

garments, seams strain and give way.

WHITE RABBIT (CONT’D)

Oh no, stop! Don’t do that!

She grows right out of the shreds of her remaining clothes

until she bursts through the bushes...stark raving nude.

50 EXT. THE GREAT LAWN - DAY - CONT. 50

Alice looks down at the Red Queen and her courtiers. The

tall bushes hide all but her head and shoulders. Everyone

stares.

RED QUEEN:

And WHAT is this?

The White Rabbit comes out, improvising like mad.

WHITE RABBIT:

It’s a “who”, Majesty. This is...um

RED QUEEN:

Um?

ALICE:

From Umbradge.

RED QUEEN:

What happened to your garments?

ALICE:

I outgrew them. I tower over everyone

in Umbradge. They laugh at me. So

I’ve come to you, hoping you might

understand what it’s like.

RED QUEEN:

My dear girl. Anyone with a head that

large is welcome in my court.

The courtiers with their equally out-size body parts laugh.

(CONTINUED)

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RED QUEEN (CONT’D)

SOMEONE FIND HER SOME CLOTHES! USE

THE DRAPERIES IF YOU MUST BUT CLOTHE

THIS ENORMOUS GIRL!

(to Alice)

You’ll be my new favorite.

The Courtiers exchange competitive glances, especially LADY

LONG EARS.

51 INT. THE RED QUEEN’S CASTLE -GREAT HALL/THRONE ROOM -DAY 51

Large Alice, clad in hastily constructed garments, proceeds

with the Queen down the great hall toward the throne room.

Along with the Footfrogs, MONKEYS hold up tables and chairs

with their arms and heads. Exhausted BIRDS flap their wings

to stay aloft with lamps hung from their beaks.

The Queen plops down on her ORNATE THRONE. SPIDER MONKEYS

serve as legs of the throne. They strain under the weight.

The Queen kicks off her shoes.

RED QUEEN:

I need a pig here!

A small pig hurries over and lays down belly up. She puts

her feet on his belly and sighs.

RED QUEEN (CONT’D)

I love a warm pig belly for my aching

feet.

(to Alice)

Sit! Sit!

Alice sits, trying to keep her weight off the chair held up

by monkeys. The Queen waves her hand at the three Courtiers.

RED QUEEN:

Go away.

The Courtiers go out with dark jealous looks at Alice.

RED QUEEN:

Where are my Fatboys? You must meet

them! Fatboys!

The Tweedles come in. They’re bound together by a gold belt

around their waists. Their faces have been painted and

powdered with hearts on their cheeks and red heart lips.

Their eyes are lowered, downtrodden.

(CONTINUED)

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RED QUEEN (CONT’D)

There they are! Aren’t they adorable?

And they have the oddest way of

speaking. Speak boys. Amuse us.

She kicks Tweedledum.

RED QUEEN (CONT’D)

Speak!

Dum lifts his eyes and sees Alice. He nudges Dee.

TWEEDLEDUM:

Is that being...?

Alice lifts a finger to her lips.

TWEEDLEDEE:

No, it isn’t. Not a bit.

But Tweedledum didn’t see Alice’s gesture.

TWEEDLEDUM:

Contrariwise, I believe it is so...

TWEEDLEDEE:

No! It ain’t so. Nohow!

He stomps on Dum’s foot to silence him. Dum pinches him.

Dee pinches him back. The Queen laughs raucously.

RED QUEEN:

I love my Fatboys. Now get out.

They go out. Stayne enters. The Queen blinks her eyes

seductively at him. Stayne represses a shudder.

RED QUEEN (CONT’D)

There you are, Stayne. Any luck with

the prisoner?

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

He’s stubborn.

RED QUEEN:

You’re too soft. Bring him!

The Knights go off. Stayne notices Alice.

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

And who is this lovely creature?

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He takes Alice’s hand, looking at her intensely.

RED QUEEN:

Um, my new favorite.

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

Does she have a name?

Um.

RED QUEEN:

Yes?

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

Her name?

It’s Um!

RED QUEEN:

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

I believe your name has slipped theQueen’s mind.

She smacks him.

RED QUEEN:

Her name is UM, you dolt!

The Knave reacts with smoldering anger.

From Umbradge.

ALICE:

KNAVE OF HEARTS:

Ilosovic Stayne, at your service.

He kisses her hand. She pulls it away quickly. The guardsdrag the Hatter in, chained by hands and feet. The Queenlifts his head by his hair. Alice stifles a gasp. He’s beenroughed up. His eyes have an empty far-away stare.

RED QUEEN:

We know Alice has returned to

Underland. Do you know where she is?

He doesn’t respond. She claps her hands in front of his face.

Hatter jerks back to the moment, but doesn’t see Alice.

MAD HATTER:

I’ve been considering things thatbegin with the letter “m”: moron,

mutiny, murder, malice...

*

*

(CONTINUED)

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51 CONTINUED:
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RED QUEEN:

Were looking for an “A” word now.

Where is Alice?

He thinks hard, has an inspiration, changes his mind, reconsiders,

mulls, then shrugs.

MAD HATTER:

Who? That wee little boy? I wouldn’t *

know. *

RED QUEEN:

What if I take off your head, will you

know then?

She laughs. The Hatter laughs louder and keeps laughing.

RED QUEEN:

Stop that.

He laughs louder in her face. She slaps him. He keeps

laughing, madly. The Queen makes a “loco” motion to the

others. But when the Hatter sees Alice, the mad laughter

stops. Surprised at her new size, he gives her a wry smile.

He turns to the Queen, smarmy and unctuous.

MAD HATTER:

My, what a regrettably large head you *

have. I should very much like to hat *

it.

RED QUEEN:

Hat it?

MAD HATTER:

Yes, I used to hat the White Queen, *

you know, but there wasn’t very much *

for me to work with, poor dear. Her *

head is so small.

RED QUEEN:

It’s tiny, a pimple of a head.

MAD HATTER:

But this... What I could do with *

this, monument, this orb. Nay, this *

magnificently heroic globe! *

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