Alien Nation Page #4

Such a pity to lose one's life...

for an outmoded value.

Mr Quint, I believe it's time

for our friend's swimming lesson.

(shouts in alien language)

It's important to practise new skills -

essential for your growth as a person.

You've never seen this before.

You ain't gonna believe it!

Sea water's like battery acid to these guys.

(screaming in alien language)

Now he won't be talking to those cops,

the two who came to question you.

This is getting out of hand.

I want you to deal with it.

Immediately.

(screaming)

We must learn to embrace the things we fear.

("Sympathy for the Devil"

by Jane's Addiction)

Please allow me to introduce myself

I'm a man of wealth and taste

Been around for a long, long year

Stole many a man and sealed his fate

I was around when Jesus Christ

Had his moment of doubt and pain

Made damn sure that Pilate

Washed his hands and sealed his fate

I'm pleased to meet you

Hope you guess my name

What's puzzlin'you

is the nature of my game

I'm very warm.

- I'm wearing leather. I feel like a beaver...

- Hey, man. Can I help you with somethin'?

(man) Hey! Get over here!

Come dance over here!

- I'd like to speak to a guy named Strader.

- That's his girlfriend up there.

You wanna know somethin',

you'd better ask her, you know what I mean?

Thanks.

George. Come to, George. You're drooling.

(man) Ooh, baby!

Mm, yeah!

Cassandra, police department.

This is Sergeant Sykes...

"Shithead". Perfect!

We're lookin' for your boss, Strader.

He's not here. Why ask me?

The hostess downstairs

said you might know.

She did, did she? Well, she was wrong.

Excuse me. I have to change.

Good. We have no problem here.

We're not here for a high-school paper.

This is a homicide investigation.

And... if you don't stop jerkin' around...

we're gonna have to play a little hardball.

Oh, hardball? Sounds interesting.

You going to strike me? You could tie me up

and then do whatever you want with me.

I have my own ropes.

Does that come free,

or do you charge a little extra?

You have me all wrong. I never charge money

for something that I myself find pleasurable.

(overemphatically) I am going out

to the car. I will meet you there.

I don't know where Mr Strader could be.

He comes and he goes.

I know. Why don't you

hang around here for a while?

Let me entertain you.

- It's Matt, right?

- Yes, indeed.

Tell me the truth.

Have you ever... made it with one of us?

Um... no. Unless I got drunk

and somebody didn't tell me.

Mm. A virgin.

I find that very arousing.

You sure you haven't?

Um...

There's lots of things I haven't done.

That's... not real high on my list.

No... you know.

Don't take it personally. I'm a bigot.

Maybe you're just a little afraid, huh?

Maybe you're afraid of what might happen

once the lights go out.

Maybe more than you want to admit.

Doesn't that curiosity and that fear

all swirling together turn you on?

Think of it as... broadening your horizons.

- I like my horizons... rather narrow.

- (unzips fly)

Your voice is saying no,

but your body's saying yes.

Yeah... wait, whoa.

Excuse me. My voice and the rest of me is

saying that I'll be back in a couple of hours.

You make sure that Strader's here.

(zips up fly)

You handle the women from now on,

you know what I mean?

- What do you mean?

- I mean, you handle the women.

(in alien language) I know it's midnight.

Yes, I'm being careful.

The human seems likable.

We'll be working late tonight,

so don't wait up.

No. I love you too.

- Do you mind?

- No, be my guest.

That hits the spot.

- She keeps you on a short leash, does she?

- My wife? She worries about me.

Yeah, I know the routine.

Your home is quite disordered. I thought

when I walked in you had been burglarised.

Well... I appreciate your honesty, George.

Ignore the b*tch on the left.

That's Edie. I call her "Edie Amin".

That's Kristin, my daughter.

The picture's a little old. She's 20 now.

Gettin' married, as a matter of fact, Sunday.

Human children can be very beautiful.

Getting married? Congratulations.

You're taking Sunday off, then?

No, I don't know. Maybe not.

I don't think I wanna go.

She doesn't need her burnt-out father there.

I'm gonna show you something.

This is Susan, my wife.

Oh, yeah. I remember

from when I picked you up.

Oh. Not bad.

This is Richard, my son. Four years old.

We named him after

the former president Richard Nixon.

You open to a little piece of advice, George?

Me, I'd tell people I named him

after the actor, Richard Burton.

Just take my word for it.

So then the doctor says "If this is

my thermometer, where is my pen?!"

You don't think that's funny?

Look...

The guy says "This is my..."

You gotta work with me, George.

I get a laugh with this all the time.

If the doctor has the thermometer

in his hand, where is the pen? Where?

- In the other man's rectum.

- Yeah, it's stickin' up his ass!

- Correct.

- Yeah, but that's what makes the joke.

There's a surprise. Your mind

fills in all these little funny pictures.

There's a guy sittin' with a pen up his ass.

Good luck, George.

(speaks alien language)

I just think that's really funny.

Tell it to me again.

I got another one...

(sniffs)

There is so much our two peoples

do not understand about each other.

No sh*t, Sherlock. You only come from

another goddamn planet, for chrissakes.

You humans are very curious to us.

You invite us to live in an atmosphere of

equality that we've never known before.

You let us own our own lives for the first time

and you ask no more of us

than you do of yourselves.

I hope you understand

how special your world is,

how unique a people you humans are.

Which is why it is all the more

painful and confusing to us

that so few of you seem capable of

living up to the ideals you set for yourselves.

Don't count on me, George.

I never had any ideals.

- You're all right, Georgie, you're all right.

- I am going home.

Yeah.

You go home... and you get some sleep.

You'd better drive.

You're too screwed up to walk.

(crashing)

What a wild man(!)

(speaks alien language)

(knocking)

Yeah?!

Better be good news or money.

- Oh, George. What?

- Hold this.

I feel very terrible.

I'm so milked-over.

- Where'd you get this?

- A man. A human.

He was wiring it to your car.

My car?

- She is going to divorce me.

- No, she can't divorce you.

You mate for life, isn't that right?

She is very progressive.

I am certain she is considering it.

- Hey, Matt.

- What?

Does a guy named Strader

mean anything to you?

- Yeah. Why?

- They found him, or what's left of him,

washed up on the beach at Zuma.

Fedorchuk and Alterez are on their way.

Thanks, Michelle.

Come on, let's go.

- To the beach?

- Yeah, come on, dude. Surf's up!

Please, I must get out of here.

Huh? Why?

- Stop the car.

- We're not gonna go near the water, all right?

I beg you to please stop this car.

- Please stop the car.

- OK, OK.

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