Aliens In The Attic

Oh, my God. Stuart.

- What is it?

- Tom's grades finally posted.

Look.

- Wonderful. Not one "A".

- No.

Or a " B."

Not even in Health.

- What the--

- That was just a "D".

How are these changing?

One word, and you're dead.

Are you crazy?

If Dad catches you, he's gonna kill you.

Dad's not gonna catch me.

I don't get it.

What do you see in that guy?

Bye, babe!

You mean, other than the fact

that he's good-looking, sweet...

sensitive, romantic, funny

and ridiculously athletic?

- Dad's coming, and he's mad.

- At who?

- Tom.

- Tom!

- What? - If you're smart enough

to hack into the school Web site...

then you are smart enough to pass math.

Do you think Bethany got accepted to Michigan

by screwing around all the time?

Of course not.

She got in 'cause she's perfect.

No. Your sister worked her tail off,

and that's exactly what I expect from you.

Yeah. You're right, Dad.

I-I-I don't deserve a family vacation.

I should stay home tomorrow, learn my lesson.

Oh, no, no. I am not

taking that bait, kiddo.

This isn't you. The bad attitude, the grades.

What is going on?

Nothing.

I blame all this

for coming between this right here.

Some good old-fashioned no-tech--

family togetherness is exactly what we need.

So get some sleep.

We're hitting the road at sunup.

Oh, and you guys too.

Hannah. Please, next time,

you ride the hump, okay?

I barf in the middle. Remember?

And that's the farm report.

In other news, it looks like...

there will be more than just fireworks

in the sky tonight...

as an unexpected meteor shower adds a little

excitement to our area this holiday weekend.

- Very exciting. We're in for a little bit

of a show. - That'll be beautiful, guys.

Better wear hats tonight.

We don't want our heads catching on fire.

- Hey.

- Your boy toy is a complete idiot.

Ricky is not a boy toy.

We're in a mature, loving relationship.

Why don't we talk in a few years

when you have a clue what dating's all about?

- Like Ricky has a clue? - One more word

about Ricky, and I swear to God I'll kill you.

Okay. That is enough.

Knock it off, you guys.

We're almost there.

And there's the pool. See ya!

We beat Uncle Nate! Yeah!

I got it, Tom. Don't worry.

- Nice, huh?

- Great, yes. I'll grab that.

I hope there was a discount for booking us

into the most boring spot in the whole country.

We're only a stone's throw away from

at least a half dozen top-notch fishing lakes.

Are we near a time machine so we can go back

Hey, I bought us all new Sidestab reels.

Anti-Reverse technology.

Lame.

So lame.

Nice landing, Nate.

Told you I could fishtail this thing.

Nice try, Nate, but you just missed my kids.

But he did almost give

your mother a heart attack.

- Again.

- Nana!

- Hi, Mom.

- Hi, darling.

- Nana!

- Yes, sweetheart!

- I got you a little treat.

- You did?

Yes, I did. Here we go.

Thank you.

- It's so good to see you.

I missed you. - Hey. We're here.

Well, one of the Pearson brothers

came to party.

- Are those even legal here?

- No.

Here! Come on, Stu! Let's get him!

- Nate, stop it! I'll tell Mom.

- Tickle him! Tickle your uncle!

- Spin him faster, Nate!

- Get his shirt off!

Mom!

Stuey's crying for Mommy!

Twins, in here.

- Hey, guys.

- Put my bags on the bed.

Sir, yes, sir.

- Trying to be a wise guy?

- No. No. Definitely not. Don't provoke him.

Good. Now, get these out of here.

Wait a minute.

Why do you get the best room?

I was here first.

- I'm here now.

- I'm older.

And I'm bigger.

Did you... grow since Christmas?

without even having to jump.

How's Mathletes?

I don't do Mathletes anymore.

- You tired of getting beat up?

- Tom!

Get down here and help us unload! Now!

Close my door on the way out.

- Surprise, surprise, princess.

- Ricky, what are you doing here?

I'm just stopping by for the afternoon...

or maybe the night.

- What's that?

- What's what?

- Ricky!

- Hey!

- Watch out for the car.

- I can't believe you're here.

Well, you're my girl friend now...

so there's nothing I wouldn't do for you.

Now, give papa some sugar.

Bethany. Please don't give papa sugar.

Mr. and Mrs. P!

- Ricky!

- Hey, Ricky! What a surprise.

- I got you a little housewarming gift.

- That is so sweet.

- Isn't he sweet?

- Yes. They're beautiful.

Those are gorgeous. Yeah.

Very patriotic too, huh?

Let's stick the flags in some water,

see if they grow.

We can do that.

Do you want anything to eat or drink?

That is so sweet of you.

I really wish I could.

But my parents have

a lake house in Oaks town...

and I gotta get back before dark

in case my car breaks down again.

- Car trouble.

- Dad, why don't you--

why don't you take a look at it for Ricky?

Yeah, I don't mind getting my hands dirty.

Try it again, Ricky.

It's gotta be something obvious, Dad.

I got to be honest with you.

Auto mechanics isn't really my thing.

Now, if this were a spreadsheet or a ledger,

I would be all over it, but--

I'll tell you what, Ricky.

Stay here tonight...

and then we'll take your car

to the shop in the morning.

Mr. P, that's really considerate of you.

- Well--

- Really? He can stay the night?

- Yeah, in the den, on the couch.

- Of course.

- No fooling around.

- Dad.

What a gas pipe.

I know. Why can't they see that?

Well, dude, parents are wired differently.

Their brains are old, mushy,

fried from bad '80s music.

That's why it's up to you, Thomas.

You gotta defend your family honor,

like a man.

I call it the Punisher.

- Your dad bought you this?

- Perks of divorce.

Never underestimate the power

of a grown man's guilt.

If we even mention Mom,

Nate drives us straight to the mall.

She's all yours.

Don't be a wuss all your life.

I don't know, man.

Take a look at that guy.

- Do you really want Ricky as your

brother-in-law? - Waah, waah.

Heck, no.

Then let's go prune the family tree.

I had so much fun last night, Ricky.

Oh, yeah? Well, you know,

that's just the beginning.

Man, the sun off the water and...

this lightweight cotton...

is... so... constricting.

I hate cotton.

Mind helping me with the lotion, babe?

I'm thinking shooting my sister's

boyfriend isn't the best idea.

This isn't about ideas. This is about action.

Don't think. Do.

I can't believe I'm even listening to you.

You're dressed like a shrub.

-Just a little on my chest.

- Target is on the move.

- Take him out before he reaches 2nd base.

- Nah. I don't think that--

- Why did you do that?

- Shut up. You'll compromise our position.

Oh, my God. She saw us.

What do we do? What do we do?

Camo mode. Hunker down and blend.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- You shot my boyfriend.

"Sorry" doesn't even touch that.

When, Tom?

When are you gonna grow up

and stop being a total embarrassment?

And that's why we use camo.

Shut up, Jake.

Are you gonna be okay?

I don't know what you were thinking.

I really don't.

- Yeah, I'm gonna be all right.

- A paintball gun.

- This was a good idea though,

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