All About E

1

an amazing set. I can't wait.

It's going to be awesome.

20 seconds till E time!

What are you doing in there,

writing a novel?

Come on, come on!

Call yourself a manager?

Where is she?

10, 9,

8, 7,

6, 5,

4, 3,

2, 1.

It's E time!

E!

Where's E? I think she's gone.

E, E, E...!

It's E time!

Here's the money for E.

Thanks.

You must really work out.

Not that much.

I could make an exception to

my no-men's-clothing rule,

and design a perfect t-shirt

to show off those arms.

Thanks.

Johnny will see you

in his office after E's set.

Right.

Stunning as always, eh, hen?

Ok, it's a new theme -

Arabian nights.

It's gonna be a smash.

Matt's drawings are brilliant.

Here is me as the sheikh.

Och, not this towel-head thing

again.

Stick to the Spanish theme.

The punters love it.

Let's leave the arabs

out of it, eh?

Och, come on, now, hen.

Have we not got a winner here

with the Spanish thing?

Yeah, but it's not really me,

Johnny.

Dinnae mess with it

till I say so, eh?

Now...

Was there anything

you wanted to tell me,

anything you think

ah should know?

You mean, the gig at ice?

Well, aren't we

the popular one, then?

I suppose it's too much to ask

for a wee bit of loyalty.

Oh, come on!

Don't be like that, Johnny.

You know you'll always be

number one.

Aye, I know I will. And

that is why I took the Liberty

of telling those lads at ice

that you were nae available.

- You can't do that!

- Who took a risk

on a wee, Leb Naebody

from the gong,

turned her into the top dj?

Now, I'm thinking, we need

a coffee and a catch-up...

Just you and me,

like old times.

- Sure, but I don't...

- And in future,

you ask your uncle Johnny

before you go taking gigs

from other people.

Is that too much to ask?

Of course not, Johnny.

Now you give your uncle Johnny

a kiss,

and then you two can piss off,

eh?

Ol!

Want one?

Why not?

Mornin', cupcake!

Oh!

And where is last night's

new best friend, hm?

You know the policy,

no overnights.

Now go away.

Don Juana, charming as always.

She's better off

out of your web anyway.

Now,

how do you stand this pigsty?

Hm? hm?

Piss off! Leave me alone.

I am dyyy-ing

dyyy-ing, dyyy-ing! Go away!

Ow!

And here's me, looking forward

to this all morning.

To what?

You don't know what

I'm talking about, do you?

Of course I do.

You take the fecking cake, E.

You really do.

Oh, come on,

don't be like my mother.

At least my mother

would have remembered

my fecking birthday.

I'll take you to bill's

for breakfast.

Now get your shameless arse

in that shower.

Hey.

Hey.

Starry, starry night.

Yeah, sure is.

You play very well.

Just not well enough

to pass my exams.

Was that your own tune

you played?

Well, it's not Mozart's.

That's a gift.

Thanks.

E! Shower!

In a taxi?

Please tell me I'm dreaming.

You left ma' money

in a f***ing taxi?

You f***in...

F***ed up...

F***!

A dress designer.

He wants to know

what I look like.

Alright, let's see.

Hello there, John boy.

Someone once said

I'm like an Irish version

of Robert Pattinson.

You?

Liar, liar, pants on fire.

I'm a bit old-fashioned.

Can we chat a bit more

before we meet?

- Elmira?

- Mrs Malouf.

It's me, Matt. Matthew.

Elmira?

No, she's in the shower.

Manners!

Manners, manners!

Babe, who was that?

- Your mother.

- What does she want?

What does she want

every Saturday when she calls?

That I don't exist.

You back on the chat room

again?

No!

How else

am I supposed to find a man?

Not by pretending you have

amazing abs, that's for sure.

Outrageous!

Speaking of outrageous,

what are we going to do

about Johnny?

Look, I know he gets

a little bit over the top.

Over the top?

Psychopathic, more like.

We have to leave, E.

Ice really want us.

They'll let us do Arabian

nights. Whatever we want.

Jaki heard that Johnny

threatened to firebomb them

- if we play there.

- F***, E!

What is it with you and him?

Stop. Make it bigger.

Who's that blonde tart?

It's the barmaid from ice.

Icethose f***ing towelheads.

Shite! That's E.

It is too.

Boss,

you can't think E's involved?

There's no way

she'd do that to me.

Oh. Looks like

Johnny's ears are burning.

Jesus, E!

It's my fecking birthday.

D'you think we can just last

one day without

talking to that psycho

scrooge uncle of yours?

Ok, I'm all yours. It's off.

Let's go. I need a coffee.

Come on, come on.

Come on, come on, come on.

Hey, this is E.

You know what...

In your pigsty, please.

Not mine.

Well, it's not mine.

Well, it's not mine.

Well, it's not mine!

We are so in the money!

Where did it come from?

Who cares?

Well, how much is here?

Listen, E,

what happened last night?

Nothing.

Jaki and I were wasted,

so we caught a taxi.

Which taxi?

We have to give it back.

Are you crazy?

- I'm calling the police.

- No you're not.

Give it! Matt!

Who is it?

We're collecting for

the give a girl a go appeal.

Kylie and Tanya.

We're collecting for

the give a girl a go appeal.

Ah, here you go, girls.

- Love your work.

- Thank you.

Tightarse.

Here! You girls are

doing a great job.

Think! In a bag like this,

this much cash.

Do you think that a) The taxi

driver who gave you a lift

is just some eccentric

millionaire

who's driving his taxi

for kicks?

No. I didn't think so either.

Or what do you think,

is it actually by some

son-of-a-gun drug dealer

who's a little too smashed

on his own merchandise

to realise he's mislaid

a small matter of, what,

say, half a million

in used 50s?

So why don't we keep it?

No! Because that taxi driver

is probably

navigating under water

as we speak,

and I tell you, I cannot swim!

Calm the f*** down.

No-one knows that we have this.

They find the taxi driver,

they find us.

I want it out of the house

now. Bad Karma!

Come on, Matt. You want

to leave Johnny, right?

Oh, my god!

Of course!

F***.

He didn't leave anything!

You've got the wrong man!

I didn't find anything!

No, wait, no!

Boss?

Why do you have to bullshit

everyone?

- I didn't.

- Oh, for sure.

The flowers were for me!

Yoo-hoo! Mr and Mrs Toreador.

Hi, girls.

Hi, Mitze, kitty.

Matt and his machine.

You can always tell a man

by what he rides.

Hey, arse f***ers!

Old, f***ing fags!

- What the f*** is that?

- Waste of a good Holden.

Piss off and leave us alone.

Suck my dick, ya f***in' dyke.

My pleasure, darling... Wa-hey!

If I could find

the tiny thing, I so would.

What did he say to me?

Psycho b*tch! F*** off!

You ok, girls?

Aren't you

a little ninja turtle?

Just young boys, letting off

a bit of steam, Darl.

I'm sure I f***ed

one of those boys last month.

I need a drink. Come on.

Bye, Matt.

Bye, E.

F***! Oh, my god.

What the f***?

Do you know

how much these cost now?

Oh, he must have every model!

Come on!

- You didn't lock the door.

- Me? you were last to leave.

Sh*t! Sh*t.

You said nobody knew.

We have to go to the police.

Stop screaming.

I'm trying to think.

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